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Thread: Do you think he'll miss me?

  1. #1
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    Do you think he'll miss me?

    I went through a quarantine breakup. I still have the typical moments where I'm not as okay as I think I am (you know, those "only thinking of the good parts" kind of moments) but ultimately, I know I am going to be much happier once I am able to process and feel and get through the mud of a break up. I think I'll have a sore spot of missing him until I am okay on my own again. We've been no-contact, from blurbs I've heard and seen through some friends, he seems completely okay.

    The thing totally plaguing my brain is whether he'll ever miss me or our time together. I guess what I'm asking is -- how true is that saying of how a girl mourns/misses their SO immediately while a boy mourns/misses theirs months later? Have any of you experienced an ex admitting they miss you months after the fact?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    I think it's a myth that if they are hurting/pining more or as much it makes healing and feeling better easier. 'Seems ok' is the outside world face. No one really knows anyone else's pain.

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    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with Wiseman2. You can't read your ex's mind and you have no idea what he's thinking or what his process is post-break up. It's all very individual.

    Try not to dwell on him. Both of you need to move on but give it time. Start concentrating on yourself and what makes you happy. I've found that individual peace of mind, security and independence gives you power and control over your own happiness in life. Don't glom onto others and rely on them to provide happiness for you. Be strong and you will attract the same type of man. Take good care of yourself.

    And you're not dumb!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I agree with Wiseman about no one really knowing anyone else's pain.

    You're feeling and thinking a lot of thoughts that most people go through after a break up. Yes, exes do miss each other! It happens. But you do the most adult thing there is to do and you respect each other.

    What are these blurbs from friends about him though? Try and avoid any gossip and don't invite that kind of conversation with your friends. Eventually they will understand that your private life isn't fodder for gossip and you're not open to hearing any more updates especially if it doesn't concern you. It will help you heal a bit more cleanly. Move forwards, stay positive and keep an open heart. Enjoy your life.

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    Originally Posted by youngnotdumb
    how true is that saying of how a girl mourns/misses their SO immediately while a boy mourns/misses theirs months later? Have any of you experienced an ex admitting they miss you months after the fact?
    Eh, it's not true. It totally depends on the individual, the quality of the relationship, the circumstances surrounding the break-up and so on. It is not based on whether someone is a boy or girl. Have a look through enough threads in this forum to see plenty from men who miss their exes right away, and women who feel fine with the break-up until months later.

    It's best not to put much weight on other' perception of an individual, either. Just because other people think someone is okay doesn't necessarily mean they are. Some are better at containing their feelings, while others openly express heartache. Maybe he's really doing fine, and maybe he's not. That's why it's not a great idea to ask others about him, or to pay much attention when they volunteer information about him.

    But to answer your question - yes, I have had an ex come out of the woodwork months later to tell me they missed me. (I didn't feel the same way) But missing someone doesn't necessarily mean you want to try again. Someone can hold you in fond memory, and miss some aspects of your time together, but not miss the relationship itself. I'm sorry you're going through this anyway; I know it's much harder to process when you're right in the midst of it.

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    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I think it's completely normal to think of someone out of the blue and maybe miss something about them. But it's not the same as wanting them back.

    It's hard going through break ups and youre probably holding on to possibilities of some form of reconciliation. I think that is also normal to an extent. Our brains have to process stuff to accept.

    I used to think of what I would say to an ex or his new gf, if I ran into them.... I don't know why... It was like the last ditch attempt to have some thoughts of him, maybe. But you know, I never ran into him and if I did, I would not stop and chat.

    It was almost like, when I was able to tell myself, this conversation would never happen. I would not speak to them. I actually don't care.... it stopped.

    So maybe for you, you need to think about how so what if did miss you... That's not enough for you. And it doesn't change anything. Tell yourself you don't care. Our brains believe what we tell them. If you've sat this broken up feelings long enough and it's making you crazy, use your energy to stop it. It's your brain, you control it,

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    Asking questions like "will they miss me, Will they think about me, was it real, were their feelings real, did they ever love me, do you think our Xs will regret it?" are those questions that your defensive mechanisms that your mind has erected to protect itself. Seeing an X smile or out with someone else is somehow unfair to us because how can they be happy while we are miserable?

    I can tell you that its not fair. Life is not fair and Love isn't always fair. But do you know what love and life isn't? A race. It doesn't matter who recovers first doesn't matter who found someone first, doesn't matter who can smile first because that's not how life or love works. It doesn't matter if our X misses us, or thinks about us because you have to believe that you will be allright. You have to believe that you will find someone and that person will be someone better. And to be honest, once you find someone and you are ga-ga over them, you wont think twice about your X. You will be far too happy being with the one you are with.

    Im not saying that forgetting your X is easy. Im saying that you must accept that it is over, and its hard to face the reality that you will never kiss your X again. Never hold their hand and you have to realize that is perfectly okay. I will tell you with 100% certainty that you will find someone. Right now that doesn't even seem like a possibility but you attracted a someone before and you will attract another one again. So as soon as you clear your X from your mind and heart, you will have room in your life and heart for someone else.

    I know it sucks, I know things are tough, but you will get thru this. If you broke your arm, you would do whatever is needed to have it heal right? You would go to the doctors, get a cast, keep it on for as long as it takes and rehab and you will do what is needed to have it mend. Right now, your heart is broken and it needs you to do what it takes to heal. Asking questions like "if our x will miss us?" is not going to help you heal. I know you are scared, We have all been thru it.

    So do what is needed to make YOU happy, then let life handle the rest.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I've always found it helpful to switch my focus toward myself and where I want to stand in the future instead of focusing on fantasies about an ex.

    Why is this important? It puts ME in the driver's seat. It allows me to work through whether or not I'd ever even want the guy back once I've reached my own higher ground.

    So my goal becomes focused on getting myself to higher ground where my perspective will answer my own question.

    From there, whether ex would miss me or not becomes irrelevant.

    Head high.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    My life improves not one bit whether or not my ex "misses" me.

    Agree with catfeeder.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    My life improves not one bit whether or not my ex "misses" me.
    Sure, and say that it did. Say that if ex ever decides someday that he misses you and wants you back, what's in that for you unless you've grown into someone who could better handle the relationship and whatever it was about it that made him unhappy?

    Nobody who breaks up wants to return to the exact same relationship with the exact same person that they wanted to leave in the first place. So? The only shot we've ever got at rekindling anything with an ex is to make our own climb to higher ground to change our perspective--and our ability to relate to a partner differently.

    We can't do that from a place of stagnation that mourns the past. We can only make those changes from a decision to adopt resilience and move forward to create a better life for ourselves. That's the place that teaches us new coping skills. It's also the place from which an ex might hear that we're doing just fine. And THAT is the only place that might inspire any curiosity or interest from an ex.

    So no matter how you slice it, the best way to reach the high ground that can teach us anything is a decision to start heading there regardless of whether the ex ever cares enough to notice, or not.

    Head high, and credit every baby step you take.

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