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Thread: Break up, no closure (inter religion relationship/marriage)

  1. #1

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    Break up, no closure (inter religion relationship/marriage)

    I have been devastated for a month plus now. the girl I have known since 2009 broke up with me May 2020 for the 3rd time and same pattern. All she kept saying is religion differences and we have been together all this while. Now she came up with it again and within 2 or 3 weeks she is getting into something else. Before the whole thing. I suspect her and always talked and talked about it but she let me worry about it ..now she broke up and detach her self from me, does not contact me does nothing. I tried seeking closure from her yesterday night but I was so destroyed. She doesn't have any human feelings at all...she is mean! Knowing all this traits, would this kind of girl realized how bad she hurts me? We were planning on marriage before this and now I became a total stranger to her...why won't she tell me there is someone else in the picture again?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. How long were you dating? Why were the religious differences an issue for her? Were the other breakups about that?

  3. #3
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    If you'd broken broken up three times, let that be your closure that is over. Don't continue to seek it from her.

    She might someday realize she hurt you, but that doesn't mean you two will reconcile or even that she would want to. It sounds like it's not going to happen when we take into consideration the cultural and religious differences.

    It's time to go No Contact, so you can heal and really move on. It sounds like she already has.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I can't see why you would be so devastated when you have broken up 3 times. I feel you are delusional about your feelings for this person. They are not the one, it wasn't working out, you should never have to struggle this badly for any relationship.There is someone out there that will be the one, with no issues, smooth sailing and nothing but happiness,....time to get this out of your system. You did all you could. Now you need to move forward. You will get through this, and meet someone with a loving beautiful soul.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like she used you. I'm very sorry to hear this. You'll have to climb back out into the light and start re-associating and rehabilitating yourself with healthier relationships and spend more time with people who care about you.

    If you have been experiencing uncertainty, pain and turmoil for the past eleven years I don't doubt you're also suffering low grade depression, low self-esteem and a host of other issues. This is no way to live. Be kind to yourself and start redesigning everything.

    Some people won't tell you things because they desire to be in a position of power, to be the one to make all the decisions. This isn't what love is about. Climb out, get out and be with your friends and family more. I think you need time to rehab yourself and start seeing how unfulfilling this relationship is - what life could really be more of if you start focusing more on people and things that give back to in better ways.

  7. #6
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    Im going to tell you a few lies and myths.
    Myth: You need closure to move on from a relationship--That's not true, you can move on without "closure" or having the that final talk. Accepting the situation will give you clarity to move on. She broke up with you, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. You can answer most of your questions just by saying "It just didn't work out".

    Myth: There is ONE person or just one Soul mate.-- Total myth and not true. That idea has to be tossed out because in truth, there are a lot of people out there that think like you and would fit you better than your X. So don't be tied down by the theory that there is just ONE person out there for you. There are plenty of people out there.

    Myth: You can have enough love to save a failing relationship.-- Not True. Love also doesn't pay the bills or rent. If the other person doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, then no amount of love on your part will make up for the lack on their part.

    Lie: When they say "I cant see myself with anyone-- I want time or space to grow---I want to focus on me--- You deserve someone better---I need a break--- I don't want to see other people---I need to focus on my job or school---I don't deserve you--I shouldn't be in a relationship right now--There is no one else--" All those are meant to soften the blow, but in reality it means.. "I don't want to be in a relationship with you any more". This girl has made it clear that she doesn't see you as a long term interest. If she hasn't seen it since 2009, giving her more time wont make her change her mind. She knows she doesn't want you.

    Its hard and it hurts and I know it sucks. You must also see that she has been using you because you are safe, you will always be there for her, and she knows that you will do anything she wants. A few good rules to think of. If they like you, you will know it, if they don't like you, you will be confused. Why on Earth would you want to be with someone that does not want to be with you? And.. Its easier to stay out than it is to get out.

    Let her go, you have given her plenty of chances and she has not taken you offer. Here is some Truth for you. There is someone out there for you. Give your heart room for this person to find you. You will find happiness, but its going to be with another person.

  8. 07-08-2020, 12:02 AM
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