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Thread: Seeing my ex bf again for the past 3 weeks

  1. #11
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    Well because i think he is jealous- no?? why else would he ask. I honestly think he feels something but just is afraid - i have had relationships before and they never linger like this one.. I mean why have we both kept up with eachother for all this time after the breakup and neither have successfully dated ??

    The city where I am at is my home... we had no problems in our relationship before i started traveling- everything was fun and it was good.We both just don't do distance well..so we ended it

    And yes- we both admitted they we grew alot while we have been away(personally) as there was not cheating or drama in our relationship before- we had some mental things to work out.. me with issues i had from childhood and him as well. As i said i feel more open to him now than before in some ways- i see him as someone very special in my life..

    And about me leaving- he said he would visit me before or after my project and wants to see the city through my eyes..why would he want to come?

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Ok, so you told him you would rather be fwb/date casually and are setting those terms. That is fine, so enjoy it while it lasts.
    because i think that its not healthy just to rush back into something- you have to start all over - like a new relationship

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Enjoy it for what it is then. It's up to you if you want to keep waiting around for someone who is "afraid". Afraid of what, I am not even sure, especially considering apparently there was nothing wrong at all with your relationship except for the distance.

    It doesn't add up. If what he's looking for is a local interest to snuggle with all the time, then no, this isn't going to work because he'll constantly be intimidated or afraid of you studying or completing projects in another town. If he's looking beyond the physical aspect and is in love with you as a person and both of you know you'll end up in the same town in 2021, he wouldn't be behaving the way he is or non-committal.

    I think you're setting yourself up for a lot of hurt. Slow down and see what this guy is about. Just because you've dated before doesn't mean you know him.

    When someone shows you what they are and what they aren't able to deal with or cope with it's a clear signal to you of what you should or shouldn't be accepting. See whether being around him is fulfilling as it appears.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    So you believe he wants you two to be back together officially.

    If you believe that, then you don't need any of us to agree with you.

    I see it differently but it doesn't matter. What you believe is what you'll believe no matter what anyone says.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It doesn't seem like either of you are rushing into anything other than fun FWB. He may want sexual exclusivity because it makes sense for sexual partners to be on the same page with that.

    He is clear he sees no long term potential which also makes sense since you will be leaving and the LDR thing was too difficult for both of you. Have fun. Enjoy your life. Don't play games.

    See him as much as you wish, there is no point in having a strategy when you both know the end time and result.

  7. #16
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    It sounds like you're setting yourself up for a major disappointment. You're obviously looking for signs while assuring yourself that they have to mean something. As far as thinking he's just "scared" the simple truth is if he truly wanted to be with you, the word scared would never stand in the way.

    It's a tough pillow to swallow, but if he wants to be with you he'll find the time, make the time, etc without hesitation. In short, maybe it's time to slow down and look at this in a different light.

    Wishing you the best

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Military couples have to endure periods of separation all the time, as well as other couples who must travel for work. They handle it because they care enough to not let go, and don't want to be free to date others.

    There has been hints to be exclusive but at the same time he has said he does not see it working out in the future as I must leave again for my final project in january for about 4 months.... He has abandonment issues which stem back to his father- and i think he is just afraid to be honest...

    You are grasping for straws, trying to read more from his behavior which you think is overriding his words. When a person't words don't match their behavior, it's a huge red flag.

    If a person has emotional baggage, he/she shouldn't be dating. If a person can't date at a normal pace, they shouldn't be dating. Because people who aren't fully emotionally available and possess barriers that make it hard for a companion to scale, are not good dating material.

    I don't believe you can be in a FWB with him because you care too much. It's too painful for you to realize that he's just not that into you, and you prefer to try to sugarcoat his words by playing up his boyfriend-like behavior.

    Acting like something is superficial nothingness. Like the song says, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." Which means that when you're not around, he will find someone else to playact "loving" with. (The word "Love" should really be "lust," though, in this situation.)

    If it's a bf you want, look elsewhere. If he cared enough to want you all to himself, he would've asked for exclusivity. Your hoping he will come around to the way you feel is wasted time. Be emotionally free to seek out real romance with someone who is crazy about you.

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