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Thread: On ok terms with my ex & want her back, pls help!

  1. #11

    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    It's fine to unpack here. It sounds like you are walking on eggshells maybe a bit too much.

    The thing is that you can't scare away a person who is right for you. A big part of relationships is actually being able to be vulnerable. Not saying that it always works and it is always a risk, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Keeping a balance between between staying light/fun and also sharing what concrete things you are doing to be better, like counseling, might go a long ways toward credibility.

    Again, not saying that it will all work out because I don't have that crystal ball, just sharing with you what might sway a person into giving you that benefit of the doubt if they are willing to.
    Thank you so much for your insights, youíve really helped. Yeah I think Iím being a little too cautious at times & overthinking.

    Fingers crossed I guess!

    Genuinely, thank you so much.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Ok, start there. Do all your homework and make yourself feel fully at home there without hoping she holds your hand through that process. Prove to yourself (and perhaps her) that you are happy, love where you live, work, are enjoying your new neighborhood and enjoying all it has to offer.

    This is the best way not to come across as "clingy or needy". Make sure you speak in terms of making yourself a permanent resident there rather than a transient who needs a tour-guide. Unfortunately she is familiar with your history of fleeing.
    Originally Posted by ATCQtip
    being totally alone in a new city has put a strain on that Iím not gonna lie!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I don't know why you would want her back. She wasn't enough back then to be a priority. What makes you think she would be enough now to hold you down or keep you sane or grounded if you think that might be what you need?

    Grief does many things to different people. You shouldn't beat yourself up about what you felt back then or how you processed your grief but your actions are more telling than your words - and no amount of words would convince me, for example, that you are able to handle stress while staying in a committed relationship. I think you have burned your bridges with this one.

    Leave her in peace to move on with her life. She's been very gracious with you and I think she may have been needing closure on her part as well after your disappearing act. Don't read too much into her correspondence or continued emails/texts/calls.

    I agree with DancingFool and Wiseman - work on yourself in the new town and enjoy getting out there, meeting new people, join local interest groups. You really need to get out of the house if you're working from home exclusively. Even if you are going out to the park to meet with friends (social distancing applies) you're still socializing with others. Do you like going out on your own also? Find local activities and make this new town yours. Start creating relationships with the local grocers and suppliers. Create daily and monthly routines for yourself - this is as simple as having a favourite bar or restaurant and heading out on your own to enjoy a few drinks or your fav dessert at a place you're familiar with over time.

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