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Thread: how do you deal with self righteous relatives -very argumentative

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    How do you deal with extremely argumentative family relatives.
    I don't play. If someone brings up a topic that I don't want to discuss, I just say, "Thanks, I'll consider that..." and I promptly change the subject or offer to get them a drink or a plate of food.

    All adult conversations being voluntary, I don't volunteer my opinions where I know they aren't welcome, and I don't indulge in argument with anyone who I disagree with.

    It's not my job to change anyone else's closed mind. Recognizing this has brought me a lot of peace and harmony with family.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    I also said:

    But now surely you can choose to simply ignore and refrain from listening at all to their harangues.

    And :

    What does this mean?

    "im listening social influencer on youtube who have social proof and recceipts to prove it"

    Your family seem to be omnipresent in your life, even now you are 39.

    Are you still living with your family?

    And what Cherlyn said:

    "Enforce healthy boundaries with people. Be in control."


    However, in reality it isn't even about the harangues and the arguments. If at 39 you are still living at home with your parents, then it is time to move out. I recall you often saying how you were shackled by them until age 25 and not allowed to do anything. I recall that six years ago you did not even have a car. (at age 33).

    What exactly do you want to do, YOU.
    Last edited by LaHermes; 07-03-2020 at 11:58 AM.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you live at home? Are you able to support yourself? Do they need you to support them?

    My advice about them and the situation remains the same:[Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by joe45
    How do you deal with extremely argumentative family relatives. im 40 btw

    got a family member who spilling lecturing me on their so called motivational talk about to work harder, and go up in company and i should go make more money and more money.

  4. #14
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    Okay, if one of my nieces or nephews sat like a bump on a log and told me i was wrong because its not about hard work, its who you know and thats why Michael Jordan was successful, or someone who had very extreme outlier talent that 99.999% of people do not have, it would not be about "a relative is argumentative" -its that they have no sense of reality. You cannot even support your own argument. Michael Jordan practiced, practiced, learned and worked very hard to be a great basketball player before he was ever discovered or had a chance to try out. Very few people get by on just their charm. A few do, but that's one in a billion.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    A very dysfunctional situation OP,no matter how one views it.
    This was two years ago when I think you were trying to date a woman.


    "They also donít like girls who wear makeup , get
    Nails done or any pretty stuff. They think itís waste of money. they mainly looking for homely women who also makes the money and stays home and does household work
    Someone who you marry can be of great added benefit and value to me and my parents in helping them be it doing the taxes, driving mom to grocery shopping, great financial management and can take care of family and other stuff .....etc"


    And are these kind of dramatics still going on?

    "parents are so traditional and consverative, i might end up being dragged and forced to china to find a bride. it ain;t my style as i was born and raised in vancouver"


    Anyway, you asked for suggestions. Here you are.

    Get yourself a vehicle, pack your stuff and drive across country to the other side and start having a life. (I realise that due to Covid you may not be able to take off this minute).
    Last edited by LaHermes; 07-03-2020 at 12:16 PM.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    You cannot even support your own argument.
    Yes, but can you support yourSELF?

    If so, you don't need to argue with anyone, and if not, then you have no argument that anyone will buy.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Okay, if one of my nieces or nephews sat like a bump on a log and told me i was wrong because its not about hard work, its who you know and thats why Michael Jordan was successful, or someone who had very extreme outlier talent that 99.999% of people do not have, it would not be about "a relative is argumentative" -its that they have no sense of reality. You cannot even support your own argument. Michael Jordan practiced, practiced, learned and worked very hard to be a great basketball player before he was ever discovered or had a chance to try out. Very few people get by on just their charm. A few do, but that's one in a billion.
    oh for sure hard work is big one for sure but its not the only faucet in your arsenal. you got have soical power , mental, physcial and spritual power. one cant be a one trick pony

  9. #18
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Once again, Joe, could I ask you for a minute to stop harping on about "hard work", and "social power " and all the rest. Please address what I am asking in my post. Basically, what are YOU going to do?

    I repeat my post above.

    "I also said:

    But now surely you can choose to simply ignore and refrain from listening at all to their harangues.

    And :

    What does this mean?

    "im listening social influencer on youtube who have social proof and recceipts to prove it"

    Your family seem to be omnipresent in your life, even now you are 39.

    Are you still living with your family?

    And what Cherlyn said:

    "Enforce healthy boundaries with people. Be in control."


    However, in reality it isn't even about the harangues and the arguments. If at 39 you are still living at home with your parents, then it is time to move out. I recall you often saying how you were shackled by them until age 25 and not allowed to do anything. I recall that six years ago you did not even have a car. (at age 33).

    What exactly do you want to do, YOU."

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by joe45
    oh for sure hard work is big one for sure but its not the only faucet in your arsenal. you got have soical power , mental, physcial and spritual power. one cant be a one trick pony
    Well ...are YOU successful?

    I would just say "yes, hard work is very important". Stop being argumentative with them. you agree with them, you just think there are more things that are important. And they could too. The reason they say hard work is important is because they really think you don't. They probably think you just fluff off on things. Have you thought of that?

    Stop arguing.

    If someone said to me "chocolate is so good." I would agree with them. I wouldn't say "but its not all about chocolate. Vanilla, raspberry, coconut and lime are also important and sometimes it depends on the situation. its not just about chocolate". Right??

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If your parents are from another more traditional culture and hoping you will make it in your new environment, well they have their values you have yours.

    Do they come from a culture where the son/daughter take care of them and pushing that son/daughter to earn well for the traditional way of life is important?

    Are they from poverty where it is important to send the living at home children and their spouses to work and to work around the home? Your argument is with them.
    Originally Posted by joe45
    you got have soical power , mental, physcial and spritual power. one cant be a one trick pony

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