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Thread: Infertile men and quality of life - impossible unless beta male.

  1. #51

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    That's it? No hormone therapy or other more appropriate intervention? You're angry and bitter.

    It sounds like you never had appropriate counseling or medical intervention.

    It's true that you have to accept who you are. We all do. However you have decided to make fertility the central platform of your anger. So people are addressing this including your therapist but the real issue is anger.

    You have decided that your sperm count is the cause of all problems. When you choose to perseverate on one nonmodifiable issue you choose your own bitterness.

    However when you redirect the therapy and problems to infertility, you are steering help away from the real issues.


    No hormone intervention until last year, no proper therapy until I started reflecting and researching to understand why the same failures repeat. Now its too late. I should have had TRT at age 12. Sperm bank at 16. TRT the last 34 years. Cant physiologically catch that up and is irreversible now.

    So its a tough one. Should I pursue justice? don't think any actions will address biological failure or tell me how to accept. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #52
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you read up on it? At all? Many 47,xxy go through life undiagnosed.

  3. #53

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    Originally Posted by arjumand
    Wow, as someone with seemingly endless health problems and lots of fertility issues I find this to be an incredibly inane conversation. Millions of people contribute to the world without reproducing. Leonardo Da Vinci never had children, so clearly, made no contribution to the world. Same goes for Isaac Newton, Tchaikovsky, Helen Keller, Baruch Spinoza, the list goes on and on. If you are going to define your life by one element only then you are clearly choosing a diminished and limited life and that is what you want. Or you could open your view and realize there are many ways to positively contribute to the world and you are too wrapped up in yourself to notice.

    Dear Arjumand, Thanks for sharing. I get the point, I have also contributed significantly to the economic development of 4 developing countries employing over 600 people per project for this very reason, transferring skills, somehow it didn't directly create a life, like the local football coach did in my wife whilst Im saving the world doing the 'good guy' stuff. Doesn't seem to compare.

    It is insane you right, but how do humans process these challenges? What do people tell themselves to say that it is ok to take my family, you deserve it mate, impregnate her all you want, I cant, but I will stay and raise your genetics while you find another Women, doing the right thing to her aswell.

  4. #54

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Have you read up on it? At all? Many 47,xxy go through life undiagnosed.
    Significantly. I have communicated to 47XXY men, They simply accept it, or in denial mechanism. Undiagnosed 47s are all submissive males believing they are doing what they meant to do (undiagnosed low testosterone levels has this impact).

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  6. #55
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Silent47XXY
    Significantly. I have communicated to 47XXY men, They simply accept it, or in denial mechanism. Undiagnosed 47s are all submissive males believing they are doing what they meant to do (undiagnosed low testosterone levels has this impact).
    As a beta male, is it your job to identify the alpha males in the room and report to them as submissive?

  7. #56

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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    As a beta male, is it your job to identify the alpha males in the room and report to them as submissive?

    No, I would say few people consider it. Happens subconsciously.

  8. #57

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    Thank you for everyone's contribution. And I value your time even reading this, if anyone, I value time exclusively.

    I'm not judging to say some are right and some are wrong, as it is relative and surely we can't simply compare with birds regarding evolutionary processes (Darwin) as we are conscious cognitive beings.

    I have the answer.

  9. #58
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes it does. It's unfortunate that the diagnosis came late for you.

    Your ex-wife cheated because she's a sleaze, not because you were born with a genetic varient.

    Try not to put this all down to your chromosomes. A lot has to do with the behavior of the exes.
    Originally Posted by Silent47XXY
    (undiagnosed low testosterone levels has this impact).

  10. #59
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    OMG, do you really think your wife cheated on you and acted like a because you are infertile? That is what you got out of all of this? I know PLENTY of men and women who are partnered with infertile individuals and not one of them cheated. You know why? They are good people with character. Clearly your ex wife isn't. Maybe you need to stop obsessing on infertility and see a therapist about the fact that you went through emotional trauma at the hands of someone you trusted and then you might find a better approach to life.

  11. #60
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by arjumand
    OMG, do you really think your wife cheated on you and acted like a because you are infertile? That is what you got out of all of this? I know PLENTY of men and women who are partnered with infertile individuals and not one of them cheated. You know why? They are good people with character. Clearly your ex wife isn't. Maybe you need to stop obsessing on infertility and see a therapist about the fact that you went through emotional trauma at the hands of someone you trusted and then you might find a better approach to life.
    Lots of wisdom here.

    It's natural, when we are cheated on, to channel that rage, to figure out the reason. And since most all of us humans will have parts of ourselves we struggle to accept, from infertility to our body shape to the number in our bank account, odds are that's going to be the first place we go for answers. "I was never thin enough for him," someone says in despair, adding: "Because men are programmed to seek out super thin women." Or: "Society and social media have programmed women to just want rich men, so of course she left me for the dude with the yacht."

    None of that is true, just like the world refutes your truth a million times over daily. But it provides a form of relief, at least initially, because it gives the rage something to latch onto, taking the raw materials of pain and insecurity and enriching them, like uranium, into a weapon. But that weapon only harms the self, because rage is a thing to learn to let go, just like what makes us insecure is what we need to learn to accept, since it prevents us from reentering reality, where people are just people, not Darwinian pawns on a chessboard.

    And some people? They suck, or make some choices that really suck, and hurt other people. Much that really sucks, there is a very real silver lining to it: the fact that humans have also proven themselves shockingly resilient, capable of moving through, and past, moments of pain, deep-seeded insecurity. Life is either very short or very long, depending on how you squint, but I say take this moment in your life as a calling to move through that which you're holding onto for power and comfort, at the expense of savoring any of those things in any genuine way.

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