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Thread: My parents are always arguing. It is affecting me a lot.

  1. #1
    Member 1imaan1's Avatar
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    My parents are always arguing. It is affecting me a lot.

    So i have finally understood that i can discuss my problems here. I'll not go deep into it but if needed,you can ask,i'll explain a bit more. And this is the biggest problem in my life:

    There's a kinda barrier between my mum and dad. They are always arguing. Of course,in their opinions,they themselves are correct but since our childhood,we are taught that only father is wrong. Because my mum is very frank and close to us so she would gossip about dad and tell us how she has suffered so much. Whereas my dad was always out of town due to work and never got time to instigate us against mum. And because we have always listened everything against dad, we would always take mum's side in every argument. I admit, mum has suffered a lot due to dad's family but still I don't wanna blame dad for anything. Mum thinks dad just cares about his family(i.e.,my paternal relatives) and doesn't care about us. This is what is fitted in our minds from beginning. As i have grown older now, i can understand who is right and who is wrong. And i conclude that there is just a very little understanding about each other and nobody is to be blamed.
    Few days ago, another fight took place. They probably won't speak to each other for a long time. They are eating and sleeping in separate rooms.
    Although it's very normal at my home, I have seen all this since i was a kid, still it affects everytime any argument happens. I know both of my siblings get affected too but they won't express it. And i guess, being youngest, i am more than just affected. Today i was again reminded of this issue by mum. She was complaining again about dad. That's why i came here. It's a new stress in my mind. I sometimes get those weird feelings in my heart area. I am not hopeless at all because i am praying for them but the effect it has on me is just indescribable.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Can you go away to University? Talk to a trusted adult outside of your house. Ask your mother to take you to a doctor for a check-up. Even if it's a pediatrician or gyn. Anything you say to a doctor is private and confidential.

    Stay out of your parents marriage. Do not listen to either of them complain about the other. Leave the room tell them you need to study.

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Put the ear buds in and turn up the music or go for a walk when it happens. Removing yourself from their situation will help lots. If your mom starts talking to you about her problems about your dad, just tell her no this is none of your business in a nice way. You can even divert the conversation to something light and positive.

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    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Of course the parents' constant fighting day after day would have an effect on children. It is frightening for children.

    As you say, Imaan:

    "I have seen all this since i was a kid, still it affects everytime any argument happens"


    However, now you are sixteen do take the advice the other posters have given. Just tell your mother that you do not wish to hear any further stories. You are not her therapist.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Please don't type in BOLD

    When your folks get arguing, leave the room or the house. Distract yourself. Parents should never involve children in adult problems. You cant solve this but you can prepare to move out when you are 18.

  7. #6
    Member 1imaan1's Avatar
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    Thank you so much everyone. I always try not to listen to her complains but she says that she has no one who could listen and that she just wants to lighten her heart. Because of all this, she takes so much tension and her mental health is so much affected. Few months ago, they both went to counsellor and there the counselor pointed out this as a reason of her bad mental health. And then everything kinda became good between both of them but again they started.
    I stay out of this issue as much as i can but still it's IN THE HOUSE and I can't avoid it no matter what. And no, I can't go away from here. The only place where i could go is the hostel of my uni. but last year when i was in that ,i felt homsick and came back and wasted lot of money. This time, when i told them that i want to go there,they refused.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    So your parents attended counseling, but you say you can't because it's too far?

    If they can attend counseling you can as well.

    Maybe make a deal with your mother, that you will give her 10 minutes of listening and then you two will do something else. Maybe cook together or sew together or watch a favorite program together.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Your mom needs to grow up. Seriously, she needs to find other ways to relieve her stresses rather than dump it on you. Tell her you are 16, not an adult, and she needs to be adult about her problems...with another adult. It's call weaning her off the behavior. You need to speak up for your own mental health. Express the stress you have been experiencing all your life because of them! Your mom is very short sighted, she needs see more clearly the damage she has done to you and your siblings and the only way to do that is to tell her.

  10. #9
    Member 1imaan1's Avatar
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    Even when I don't listen to her, she makes hateful comments about dad sometimes in hee SIMPLE TALKS which eventually affects my mental health. And I don't get anytime to stop her because it's between normal talks. And another thing is whenever fight happens, our and dad's connection eventually goes down. We don't talk much. It's not because of any anger but it's just that he becomes very silent.
    Most probably,I'll look for a counsellor online myself.


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