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Thread: My girlfriend hates my parents and it's killing me and coming between us.

  1. #1

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    My girlfriend hates my parents and it's killing me and coming between us.

    Hello,

    I never really done anything like this before, I'm honestly very desperate and seriously in need of some good advice. I'll try make the story as straightforward as possible but details are quite important I feel.

    Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 years, and we are very much in love, we were living together at university, this goes back to when coronavirus was just being heard of around Europe and my mum and dad decided to come visit us just before there was an outbreak in the UK. My girlfriend went to visit her parents too. She then messages me whilst she's home saying that she's upset because she thought my parents were avoiding her as they'd come up purposely on a day when she wasn't there. This isn't true at all as they'd simply come up that day as it was the last day they have available off work before the (at that time rumoured) lockdown date. The same reason she'd gone home that day to see her parents.

    I explained to her no no my parents wouldn't avoid you they have absolutely no reason to they've always adored her and tried to include her with everything, they invite her everywhere and to be honest it always seemed they liked her more than me.

    It was during this conversation she proceeds to mention that she thinks my parents hate her because one time my mums mum (my gran) made a joke that when she was a little girl (she's 70 now) she used to walk past my girlfriends old school and think they're all posh because it's a private school. In my opinion this was meant as a joke for one and secondly she's using it against my parents.... I tried to explain this and she won't listen to me she keeps saying that they think the same, which one it was a joke about the kids that went there 60 years ago, two it wasn't even my parents..... You get the idea

    My girlfriend also doesn't like driving on the motorways, and has never done it. Every once in a while my mum asks if she's driven on the motorway yet and my girlfriend always says no. One time my mum proceeded to tell a story that she once driven on the motorway the day she got her first car. My girlfriend also brought this up during the conversation I was talking about earlier. Saying my mum thinks she's stupid for not being able to drive on a motorway.

    So that conversation ended I reassured her that my parents love her and that she has nothing to worry about and if there's ever any reason presents it self again I will speak to them about it.

    We then move back in with our parents now we're allowed to again after lockdown, she moved with hers I moved with mine. This was always the plan for summer at uni.

    2 days ago I won an award. I was at my girlfriends house at the time and she didn't seem that pleased to be honest.... I thought she'd be happier for me especially as I actually said to her this is one of my proudest moments of my life, she just was like eh well done kind of thing. But my mum called me up made a massive fuss was very very proud posted it all over Facebook ect.... I felt good.

    So I come home yesterday to my parents with my girlfriend and my mum had bought me some sweets and got me a card and everything and she says to my girlfriend "you didn't win an award did you?" I can see how this can come across wrong but she did it because she was making a fuss and giving me a card and sweets and didn't want her to feel left out.

    My girlfriend took massive offence, she didn't confront her instead waited until we were upstairs, then started crying, ignoring me, and saying it's ridiculous and that she's going home and never coming back. I tried to stop her and assure her it's okay we can talk though this but Sure enough she went home.

    Since then she's spoken to her mum and convinced her that my mum is some kind of demon and now her parents told her that she never has to come back here and they won't support her even if she did.

    She made me tell my mum that she was upset by the comment, even though deep down I knew that my mum had no bad intentions, my mum was very upset and couldn't believe what had happened. My mum wanted to contact my girlfriend but she wouldn't let her.

    Now she's fallen out with me because I said that I want to resolve this and try to avoid burning bridges but she's saying I'm not listening to her and not sticking up for her against "the bully" meaning my mum....

    I don't know what to do she's saying I don't need to pick sides and saying I can still like my mum but she refuses to ever see her ever again.....

    It feels like she's forcing me to pick sides but without saying it. And I also feel teamed up on by her mum and dad. As they also now think my mum is some kind of demon.

    Someone please help me..... What do I do, what can I say. I love her to pieces but her hating my family is giving me serious anxiety.


    So sorry this post was so long

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She seems to have an inferiority complex and is lacking in maturity. I don't doubt your family or parents pick up on that.

    What you can do:

    Communicate clearly with your girlfriend about where you stand and don't be afraid of stating your opinion where it comes to your parents and what you think. I think you've been the peacekeeper for awhile. Start communicating what you want instead of sitting on the fence.

    She may be irritable with you because you don't seem to have a mind of your own and are afraid to speak your mind. Speak up. Tell her that your family is important to you and there is no reason for your parents to dislike her. She's not forced to any family gatherings if she can't pull herself together but she is invited. Communicate what matters to you in a relationship - togetherness, family time, no grudges, no resentment and no anger issues. You can ask her what's on her mind and talk openly between the both of you what's reasonable or unreasonable, fair or unfair, what your different opinions are. Start speaking up more clearly and effectively.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Congrats on your award!

    Your gf sounds terribly immature and perhaps has some sort of persecution complex to over react the way she does. You should not have to choose between your mom and your gf. I do think you need to be more vocal with your gf, tell her what you think about all of this as it truly is ridiculous.

  4. #4
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    Any chance your girlfriend is just looking for reasons to end this relationship and blame you?

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  6. #5

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    How do you communicate difference in opinion in this scenario. Everytime I try to explain that I don't think my mum was being nasty and irs just the way she is and it's a miss understanding, she gets angry with me and starts saying I'm taking her side and don't understand how upset she is. But I do understand how upset she is, but I'm trying to explain to her and fix this.

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Any chance your girlfriend is just looking for reasons to end this relationship and blame you?
    I don't think so, I feel if she wanted me gone she's not the type of person to play games. Same reason why one thing happens and she goes from fine with my parents to never ever speaking to them again...

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. It may not work out with this girl, but at some point you'll have to cut the apron strings and ask your mother to stop pushing your GF s away. Are you an only child?

  9. #8

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear that. It may not work out with this girl, but at some point you'll have to cut the apron strings and ask your mother to stop pushing your GF s away. Are you an only child?
    I have a younger sister but she's very focused on what's she's doing and never interested in relationships.

    The way it is right now was this morning I said to my girlfriend hey let's just start again let's stop all the anger and frustration we have with each other and just let me listen to you, and then afterwards you can listen to me and hopefully we can build upon that.

    She wasn't interested she told me to f**k off and said she's not having it anymore she said she's done nothing wrong and doesn't want to talk to me because she's out with her mum and busy.

    I then said okay understood maybe when you get back we could have a talk then.

    She said it's ridiculous and leave her alone.

    I then have left it by saying that I'm going to take time to heal and think and hope that she should do the same. I said that hopefully time will bring us back together.

    Have I done the right thing? I care about her and want to resolve this but it's making me so anxious and upset. I feel that if she doesn't even want me to listen to her then she's not interested at all right? How long do I leave it before saying something else, and if she says something then should I reply? Or give it time?

  10. 07-03-2020, 06:31 AM

  11. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds like a nasty breakup. Leave her alone and reflect on why your mother tends to insult people and if that's how you want it to be.

  12. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    She sounds ridiculous and immature. She said not to contact her so donít .

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