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Thread: Unfortunate divorce

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need a lawyer especially with you being gone for. period of time. Your wife may have post partum depression, has she seen her doctor recently?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Keep in mind if she gets a lawyer first, you'll still have to pay for your AND her lawyer, since she is a stay at home mother.

    Postpone the divorce as long as possible and look into some sort of mediation to sort through the separation.

    Wait until she is employed before you file but confidentially get your ducks in a row. Talk to your military advisor about it

  3. #13
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Do not leave the home. If things are amicable there is no reason to leave and you both can stay in the home. Sit down with the children and explain (age appropriately) what is going on.

    I agree with wiseman that you need to plan this out to protect yourself and your children. I am sure the military has many services you can access for advice and guidance.

    There is no rush so be smart and begin figuring out the best way to end this marriage for all involved. A mediator is a great way to file for divorce with almost no cost at all. Our local law school did mine where a 4 year student helped us and it was free. Basically they helped us get everything legal and covered and we then submitted the paperwork to the court.

    Keep posting
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  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When children are involved, you really need an attorney. If you are in the US, the military provides legal assistance and will even pick up fees for private attorneys or get them to work for you pro bono. You have resources, use them.

    No matter what your wife claims, do not buy it. People can flip on you in a nanosecond when reality of the divorce, lost income, assets, home hits them.

    If you are facing deployment and your wife is out constantly, neglecting the home, etc. you have got to get legal help in securing care for your children. It honestly sounds like something is seriously up with her. Be it postpartum issues, cheating that you don't know about yet, some other psychological problems manifesting - her behavior is not normal and as another poster said, you don't want to find out your children were placed with social services due to neglect while you are far away and unable to be there for them.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    An appointment with a lawyer is not the same thing a filing for divorce, it's information gathering. Learn your options and the best steps to take for each option. From there you can make informed decisions.

    Otherwise, you're operating on emotions alone, and that's not a smart thing to do.

  7. #16
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    It sounds like she could be also suffering from postpartum depression. I would not simply just acquiesce to her. I would get her in the counselor's chair. I would consider talking to my superiors also, telling them that your wife is suffering depression and you fear leaving your children with her during deployment and would like to defer it. You don't want to come home because she slit her wrists, or your child wandered off because she was too depressed to mind them. It sounds like she doesn't feel anything anymore and you need to go back to your home -- do not let her say that you abandoned her. If anything, take both kids with you to your parents house. btw, why was her depression not taken seriously before child #2

  8. #17
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    Hi! Not my thread, I wont hijack it. But I do have a question on the OP's behalf. How do you convince her to talk to a specialist? Escpecially if she has gotten to the point of resentment and maybe doesn't believe she has a problem (or believes her problem is not related to the marriage)? Thanks. Again, asking for the OP. ;)

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You don't. She can see her own doctors for her own reasons.
    Originally Posted by j55711
    How do you convince her to talk to a specialist?

  10. #19
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j55711
    But I do have a question on the OP's behalf. . Again, asking for the OP. ;)
    Did the OP ask you to to ask the questions? Why can't the OP ask for himself? What's your connection to the OP?

  11. #20
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    OP - DO NOT BE NAIVE. Sure she says one thing, but do not believe her. The issues you see are the tip of the iceberg. She can lie to your face about an affair - she can lie about anything. When a person has already been contemplating divorce for years, they learn to play nice while they build a case against you. Do not leave the house. Go back, or you will lose rights over the house. Take pictures of the condition your children and the home are in in her care. Document the amount of time she is away from the house. Are the kids elsewhere? Get your finances in order. Start separating.

    Almost all lawyers will do initial consultations for free. Go make one. A retainer for them will run you $5k - borrow money from your folks. You have no idea if her "friends" will pay for her lawyer. Do not be a doormat thinking it will just work out, and things will be amicable. They won't. She did not want to work on things. There is much much more brewing in her.

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