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Thread: Not guilty of infidelity but BF dumped me anyways, what now?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by alibabac
    Thank you, I'm sorry you had to go through that as well. We do hang on to hope that it will get better, don't we? It's sad to hear that these types don't usually get better without intense therapy or something. I wonder if he would have the same issue with a different girl (perhaps a virgin who has no history!) How long did it take you to get over it?.
    It didnít take me long to get over it. Iíd had enough of his crap by the time I broke it off, so I was already in good shape to put him in my past. I wasnít sad to let him go.

    Youíre right that relationships are complex and take time to work through. But judging by your last thread, this guy has been making you feel very bad about yourself for far too long. It needs to be over before your self-worth is totally pulverized.

  2. #12
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    Yes I definitely believe there was oversharing! He said he had always wanted a relationship where things were fully communicated and on the table. We had been living in a smaller town where everyone bumps into each other on the daily, but I had lived there much longer with more established connections. If we bumped into one of my ex-lovers or ex-crushes, he wanted to know about it. I warned him that it might not be the best idea to divulge all the details of ex's and what-not. I don't have the greatest of histories. But he said this would make a relationship extraordinary and trustworthy. So I did it for that sake and thought I was helping to build our trust. My mom always said, a woman has a right to her privacy so I should've just said I wasn't comfortable divulging or talking about some things rather than bending the truth. Will definitely be considering these things moving forward.

  3. #13
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    My conundrum now is that we moved out of that small town to a different town 4 hours away. He moved first, then I followed him under the premise that we'd get in engaged soon. That was back in December, 7 months ago. Then marriage was off the table again, back and forth we go. Then COVID hit, and we don't really know anyone, so my support system is non-existent. My main family is in another state and I'd love to move back, but the weather can be quite extreme so I'm still struggling with that idea. I wish my mom would move to me, but that's kind of selfish of me to consider uprooting her.

    He and I have had talks about breaking up before and he had said if it were to happen, it will always be done civilly, he's not the type to be vengeful and is a very good provider in that sense. I'm not worried there.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Talk to your friends and family about things.
    Originally Posted by alibabac
    My main family is in another state and I'd love to move back, but the weather can be quite extreme so I'm still struggling with that idea.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Logistics is not a reason to stay in a relationship where you're being treated like a loose, untrustworthy woman.

  7. #16
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Holy Crap! Reading your post hurt my eyes. This guy's head is not screwed right.. .who ask their gf/bf are you attracted to your sibling?

    My advice to you is RUN!

    Stop putting up with this nut who can't keep his head in check... his antics are irrational and hurtful and he needs professional help.

    The longer you stay in this relationship, it's ONLY going to hurt you. Nothing good will come out of this relationship with this man. If anything, you will probably see the red flags sooner with other potential guys but this man is taking too much of your time and energy. Imagine dealing with his antics for the rest of your life...

  8. #17
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    There is a lot going on here, all the advice from everyone is right though. You need to get out of it. I know it's going to hurt, and you might have a few months of feeling lost and confused, asking the what ifs and the why's. But in the end you have to look after yourself. This person is not stable, and they need to work on themselves before ever being relationship ready. Whether or not they ever realise this is something none of us can say, but right now all the signs point to dismissive behaviours and no signs of change.

    The best thing that they did for you is to break up with you. The more time you have to reflect on the relationship, the more you will realise how much of a bullet you dodged. He is blaming you for everything he feels is wrong with the relationship, whether those issues exist or not. A healthy relationship does not have this one sided dynamic, nor does it have the paranoia that he is showing. There is a difference between jealousy and paranoia in my opinion. He's making situations in his own head and using them against you. Why? I don't know, but why doesn't matter. You have tried to work through his issues with him, but that doesn't work. You explain yourself, that doesn't work.

    Focus on you. Start building a better, happier life for yourself, without him. Break ups suck, they really do, but you will be thankful that he dumped you one day.

    Stay strong, and work towards happiness. <3

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It helped me to envision the loving, caring and trusting relationship that I deserve to have. The more I did that, the clearer a contrast I was able to draw against the mistreatment I had tolerated.

    We don't get any time back for do-overs, so how much more time do you want to waste on someone who is incapable of giving you what you want and deserve?

    Head high, and consider counseling to help you move beyond being a person who tolerates red flags and mistreatment. You will thank yourself sooner rather than later.

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