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Thread: What is it with people these days?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AceAlice
    i honestly feel like people these days have their priorities all skewed.
    I think this is a statement people uttered during the Roman Empire, the Ottoman Empire, the Jazz Age, the Sixties. Since the dawn of time, really, if the story of Adam and Eve is any indicator. With that in mind, I think it's worth nothing the mindset that leads to such statements as much, if not more, than the behavior or others being judged and admonished.

    You're in a tough moment right now, a sensitive one, newly single, reeling as the eyes adjust to the light, and probably more thirsty than usual for connection to offset the discomfort of the void. Go easy on yourself and you'll find, maybe, that you go easier on others, steering yourself to those you can feel at ease around. Those who don't live in a way that gels with you? It won't seem personal, but just another person being a person. Focus on carving out your life, and your self, in a way that feels right? Well, odds are it will guide you toward others on a similar path, people you dovetail with.

    At 25? Sure, there's a lot of focus on some of that hormonal stuff, the surface stuff. It sticks for some, fades for others. Find what's sticky for you, go after it, and the connections follow. That's what I've found, at least.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Well, nothing wrong with a good party now and then. We have four or five coming to a dinner party here in a couple of weeks. Gee, I better get on my domestic goddess (not!) identity. lol.

    Alice, as time goes on you get good at side-stepping those who bring nothing to your life. A great useful phrase is : "How lovely for you!". (pretty-speak for "how boring" lol). Particularly for the keep-up-with-the-Joneses brigade.

    Many live empty lives. Many others at 25 are more mature than some at 45/50. Besides, OP, you can make friends in many age groups.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It sounds as though you're frustrated because you'd like to form some friendships with people who share your interests beyond the party life. That's a perfectly valid thing to want, it's just that generalizations aren't helpful to that goal.

    Work backward, instead, from what YOU want rather than trying to define the public-at-large. That's a much simpler step, and it takes the burden of trying to market yourself to the masses off of your shoulders. When you can define what YOU want from a friendship, then screening out people who aren't likely to go there with you is not only easier--it feels less personal, because it's not an indictment against your private goals.

    Most people are NOT our match. That's not cynical, it's just natural odds. When you have clarity about your own interests, you can pursue those and meet people with whom you at least share one unifying interest.

    As adults, our personalities are more solidified than when we were younger, so we won't homogenize as well. We learn to form different kinds and degrees of 'acquaintances' to meet different needs. Your tennis friend may be lousy at conversation, your shopping friend may not share your politics or religion, and a friend in whom you can confide may hate crowds and not want to go to events or parties with you.

    Respect the limits of each acquaintance, and over time you'll learn which of these may someday evolve into a deeper friendship.

    Meanwhile, consider pursuing older people who are done with the party life. The older the friend, the more seriously you may be taken and the more likely some form of mentorship might evolve.

    People tend to believe that adolescence ends at age 18, but it does not. Technically, it can extend all the way through one's mid-20's. So you're likely going through the angst of finding yourself surrounded by adolescent behavior in people your own age. But if you think of yourself as a swan surrounded by ducklings, you can still respect the ducks while moving on to pursue an older mentor who can 'see' and appreciate the beautiful swan you aspire to become.

    Head high.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Indeed Cat. Except in a surprising number adolescence extends well beyond 50!



    As for friends, well here goes:

    “I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.”
    – Plutarch

    “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
    – Walter Winchell

    “There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met.”
    – Jim Henson

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I look at it in a more positive light....when you have people drinking, eating, shopping, and taking care of their appearance, you have a joyous population. They are digging life and what it has to offer. It's only bad through negative depressive eyes. This is about you not what is happening around you, and that isn't the cause of your situation. Need to take a better look at why from within.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What does it matter what others do? I think you said so yourself or hinted at it. Look up local interest groups and find your own kind of happy.

    Stay off social media too or don't spend hours and hours on it. That skews anyone's reality.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by AceAlice
    Thank you all for your advice. I completely agree that I need to work on not judging people. It's their lives and they are allowed to live it as they wish without judgement. I feel that where I live, many, not all, but many are influenced by others and it becomes almost wrong to not follow the trend. It's not something I can change, and I realise that. I guess I just want to know if I'm not alone in seeing the impact that social media and these trends are having on the way people communicate and live their lives.
    I'm 53. Had no social media or internet at age 25. Of course there were many 20 somethings back then in the stone age who were focused on sex and drugs and partying. I loved going out dancing to clubs but I never got drunk or took any drugs -that was a little challenging because of the judgments I got but I stuck to my values (also did not have casual sex). Of course it became harder to make new friends post-college. Social media is simply one additional factor and replaces factors that no longer exist. And it was harder to keep in touch with and make plans with people in the early 90s - no cell phones, no texting, no Internet, no email for the most part. So social media makes it much easier for me to stay in touch with people.
    Do you have plans to move elsewhere? Do you meet people at work (I did including my future husband).

    Volunteer work is a great way to meet likeminded people. Worked for me Several of my friends met close friends and spouses volunteering backstage in a community theater.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    As you say Alice:

    "...many, not all, but many are influenced by others and it becomes almost wrong to not follow the trend."



    As the saying goes: "horses for courses".

    Some are not fit to have an original or independent thought in their heads. Hence that horrible word "influencers".

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    In my experience, the best friends I have made were from church. If you are faith based, try joining your local church. They're practicing social distancing, everyone's wearing masks, there's no hand shaking, etc. Join ministries, groups and sub-groups. You'll have a lot in common with a lot of teetotalers.

    I agree with others regarding volunteering in your community, charitable good works such as food banks, soup kitchens (feeding the homeless), etc. You'll meet empathetic types who also volunteer.

    I wasn't into drinking, drugs nor partying and neither was my husband.

    If you want to meet someone with a clean cut lifestyle, go where they are. They're not at singles bars.

    Also, ask family and friends because they've done their homework for you and can tell you whom they approve or disapprove of. Become very picky and choosy because it will pay off later.

    Even though your intentions are good, keep in mind, there are a lot of people who aren't interested in friendships. However, don't take it personally. You have to put in the work to cultivate, nurture and maintain friendships plus there has to be mutual effort otherwise the friendship will fade easily. You have to put in the time and energy to keep friendships afloat.

    Also, separate people in your life into camps. There are acquaintances and then there are real friends. Another thing to consider is that often times friendships and socializing requires money. It's not just walks and coffee. Sometimes it's restaurants, social activities, shopping, outings and the like which requires your wallet. Closer friendships often times include remembering birthdays, postal greeting cards, e-cards (gift cards), Christmas gifts, invitations to their social events and functions and whatnot. The more friends you have, the more expensive it gets. I remember my social butterfly days and it was expensive. I've since whittled down my friendships to a select few. You'll become crazy busier with booked schedules. Having too many friends is overrated IMHO.

    Look at MeetUps and various walks or sports groups within your community. You have to put yourself out there. People won't come to you. You have to go to them and you have to start somewhere.

  11. #20
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    Yes, I should have added religious organizations for meeting people, if that is appropriate for your lifestyle and values.

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