Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 9 of 15 FirstFirst ... 6789101112 ... LastLast
Results 81 to 90 of 145

Thread: Feeling used and abused

  1. #81
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,935
    And when you let that person back in they will conclude you like the way they treat you, and they will continue.

  2. #82
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    73
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    And when you let that person back in they will conclude you like the way they treat you, and they will continue.
    Agreed, to a degree. The best thing one can do in those circumstances is to send a clear message that you don't like certain aspects of their behaviour, but there are sides of them that you like and appreciate. I think I've tried that, though, with the lady in question and it hasn't really worked. It's a really tricky and sad situation.

  3. #83
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    38,998
    Gender
    Male
    She is not going to change. People are not going to retool themselves according to your likes or dislikes and telling them won't work.

    Other people are a what you see is what you get situation. You can try mental splitting (<Google it) but that is your own gymnastics.

    When did you last communicate with her?
    Originally Posted by Jas76
    The best thing one can do in those circumstances is to send a clear message that you don't like certain aspects of their behaviour, but there are sides of them that you like and appreciate. I think I've tried that, though, with the lady in question and it hasn't really worked.

  4. #84
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    73
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    She is not going to change. People are not going to retool themselves according to your likes or dislikes and telling them won't work.
    Sadly, I think you're probably right. I have tried, in an act of futility, to have many reasonable discussions with her, but she has a habit of treating me with contempt there too.

    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Other people are a what you see is what you get situation. You can try mental splitting (<Google it) but that is your own gymnastics.

    When did you last communicate with her?
    Found an article on 'splitting', which looks interesting:

    [Register to see the link]

    I'm trying not to keep things as black and white as that.

    I last spoke to her yesterday. I sent her a WhatsApp message after she put the phone down on me yesterday (I asked her why she had such difficulty accepting abuse is wrong). It looks like she may have blocked me on WhatsApp, because there is no sign the message has been read, or even received.

    Feeling really low tonight, understandably I suppose.

  5.  

  6. #85
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,854
    Gender
    Female
    Please forget her she is her own problem.

  7. #86
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    73
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Please forget her she is her own problem.
    Am trying, but easier said that done.

  8. #87
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,352
    Originally Posted by Jas76
    When she was not being manipulative or hostile, I valued the connection I had with her. Friendship shouldn't really be about what one can gain other than an appreciation of each others company and conversations etc.
    OP, this woman is a jerk and treats you like crap.

    You need to make other friends. This isn't healthy or normal.

  9. #88
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    38,998
    Gender
    Male
    Sounds like it's devolved into abuse, arguing about arguing, hanging up, blocking, etc. What's the point in that? If you enjoy debating this much, there may be better ways to fulfill that.

  10. #89
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,679
    You are now guilting yourself over this? OP, none of us here would have dealt with this abuser for more than maybe a couple of interactions after she has shown her manipulative sides.
    More so, I think we can agree that all of us would have told her to "go take a flying leap and don't come back".

    The fact that you're still dwelling, still feeling sorry for her, still blaming yourself, is not necessarily a sign of a kind heart but a sign of being mentally unstable yourself what with allowing someone to treat you like dirt, then to blame yourself and then to feel sorry for them.
    That's messed up.

    It's not wrong to put your foot down and show someone the door once they've proved themself to be toxic (on any level).

    To be honest you sound like a lonely man who is willing to attach to anyone as long as they talk with you and connect on some kind of level. You need to address that as it will do more harm to your life than good.

    Being lonely, doesn't mean you should allow toxicity into your life and to keep allowing it.

    You are also romanticising the whole situation. Making it out to be like you and she are 2 broken people who need each other in this sad world.
    You need to stop that.

    This isn't a romance, she was not and will never be partner worthy for anyone.
    And 2 broken people who keep latching onto each other, is comparable to two drowning people grabbing for one another.
    In the end, you will both drown each other.

    You need to find actual friends who bring good into your life and this woman needs a therapist. You cannot fix one another.

  11. #90
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    73
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    OP, this woman is a jerk and treats you like crap.

    You need to make other friends. This isn't healthy or normal.
    Fair comment I suppose. I have the suspicion it hasn't just been me.

Page 9 of 15 FirstFirst ... 6789101112 ... LastLast

Videos


What Is Good To Know About The First Date

Online Dating Websites Most Frequently Used By Older Adults

Blogging Helps New Moms Handle Parental Stress

What Do Men And Women Want In A Relationship?

Benefits Of Online Education

Talking To Children Is Better Than Reading To Them
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •