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Thread: Feeling used and abused

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You invited her to stay with you for your own reasons. One is to continue your narrative of your victimhood. You drove this. You continued this . You tried to fix and change her.

    You took advantage of a clearly disheveled and confused person. There is a steely coldness and detached attitude in all these links to hypothesized mental illness diagnoses.
    Harsh and unfair again. I invited her over because I was worried about her wellbieng, as alluded to in an earlier post.

  2. #52
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    You should not be allowing a stranger to stay in you home in this manner, and certainly not during a pandemic. You sound like a nice guy, but you should not be thinking it is your duty to fix and care for people in this capacity, as you are not qualified and it is not safe.

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Wisemans not wrong. You do keep going back to a broken person for some reason. You need to ask yourself why.

    Feeling sorry for her is more of an excuse. No one keeps returning to a fire without knowing at some point they will get burnt again.
    Yes, that's mostly how I felt. I also liked and valued my conversations with her, and apart from all her unacceptable behaviour of course. I thought to myself that no person is infallible, but later realised that she is quite a damaged and remorseless person sadly, and the penny started to drop I suppose.

  4. #54
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    And that is really what this is about, no?
    Are you suggesting my intentions were sinister?

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  6. #55
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    Look up co dependence.

  7. #56
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Because IT IS fine. She likes what she does. Enjoys it. She will never run out of those who want to "fix" her up while she takes advantage of them instead.

    Thinking that you are her savior, her only friend, that she needs you, etc, etc, etc is very very arrogant thinking on your part. Feeling sorry or pity for someone isn't nice, it's insulting and patronizing behavior. Completely unhealthy and something you need to address within yourself.

    If you have this urge to help others, then do something constructive - volunteer at a soup kitchen or habitat for humanity or any number of other charities out there. Go read stories to children in the cancer ward. Do something that actually matters and will make a difference to someone for real. Trying to save a psychopath from themselves is not it. They don't need you or any kind of saving. It's you who will need to be saved from them eventually as they proceed to destroy you. There are so many good things you could be doing, real and constructive, instead you are fixating on a lunatic. You are intelligent, so get a grip on yourself and get your own head screwed on straight and start making better decisions. You are perfectly capable of that.
    Yes, I'm not sure what drives her, but I seriously doubt she even admits to herself that her abusive and manipulative behaviour is an issue.

    I didn't/don't think of myself as being her saviour, but as someone who cared. If we all didn't give a damn about each other, this world would be a lot darker than it already is. I extended the hand of friendship etc., and I think she bit it and let her ego get in the way.

    I agree that I was taking a serious mental hit. I started to feel deeply uncomfortable about the whole thing at times, so much so that I lay awake at night. It has been very draining and bruising in regards to my mental health.

    I think all relationships require work, but she required more help than I could give her, and I couldn't sacrifice my own mental health in the process sadly.

    Thanks for the kind words. Yes, I'm definitely spending my time wisely, and will be more vigilant in the future.

  8. #57
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    And that is really what this is about, no?
    I think it's better to try resolve things rather than just keep quiet about something that bugs you. I had her best interests in mind, together with the interests of the relationship.
    Last edited by Jas76; 06-30-2020 at 10:36 AM.

  9. #58
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    Originally Posted by Jas76
    Yes, I'm not sure what drives her, but I seriously doubt she even admits to herself that her abusive and manipulative behaviour is an issue.

    I didn't/don't think of myself as being her saviour, but as someone who cared. If we all didn't give a damn about each other, this world would be a lot darker than it already is. I extended the hand of friendship etc., and I think she bit it and let her ego get in the way.

    I agree that I was taking a serious mental hit. I started to feel deeply uncomfortable about the whole thing at times, so much so that I lay awake at night. It has been very draining and bruising in regards to my mental health.

    I think all relationships require work, but she required more help than I could give her, and I couldn't sacrifice my own mental health in the process sadly.

    Thanks for the kind words. Yes, I'm definitely spending my time wisely, and will be more vigilant in the future.
    Her manipulative and abusive behavior is an issue for you and only you, it is not an issue for her at all. It WORKS for her. Please wrap your mind around that. People who abuse are doing it intentionally because it works for them and they like what they do. So asking them to stop, change, be nice, feel bad, apologize, see it as an issue that you see is quite frankly absurd and a complete act of futility. It is only an issue for you because you are being abused and your solution is block, delete, and otherwise immediately kick that person out of your life with extreme prejudice.

  10. #59
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You should not be allowing a stranger to stay in you home in this manner, and certainly not during a pandemic. You sound like a nice guy, but you should not be thinking it is your duty to fix and care for people in this capacity, as you are not qualified and it is not safe.
    True. I'm not sure she was a total stranger to me, as I read her book, spoke to her a lot on the phone and via WhatsApp etc. I met her in person before I invited her to stay, albeit once. I agree, though, that I should have been a little more careful.

    I've definitely given up trying to fix her. I also don't think she will ever seek any further psychological interventions sadly, so I suspect she will never change her ways. It makes me really sad, but what can one do.

  11. #60
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Look up co dependence.
    Interesting.

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