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Thread: Feeling used and abused

  1. #41
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Jas..you're keeping this woman around because she makes you feel needed, you feel a sense of purpose in "saving her" and it gives you something to do in the midst of boredom/loneliness.

    She on the other hand keeps coming around because she see's vulnerability in you and knows how to play you. This woman has messed up her life and now is deciding to latch onto you as another person to draw into her drama and toxic life. But you're right, she has absolutely no remorse in how badly she has treated you or handled things, and she never will.

    This woman is way past the point of caring what damage she does to anyone. Right now, you are someone she has access to and wants to see how far she can push things.
    Her tears are alligator tears, she knows it will make you feel bad for her and incite guilt.

    You really need to walk away. This whole situation is based on toxicity on both sides.

    As for dating, you only need to find ONE woman, just one who fits your lifestyle, understands you and wants to spend time with you so you can both give each other happiness.
    It's not easy to find that one woman, but she's out there. You just have to keep looking.

    Chatting online or messaging is fairly easy and at least it will change your focus, which is what you really need to be doing right now. Even if you go onto friendship sites looking for someone to chat with who might relate to your situation (I'm sure there are support sites for your medical conditions). Then at least you'll find someone to talk with that you can relate to and get the support you need.
    It would be so much healthier than wasting your time with this woman who is dragging you down.

    As I was saying before, if you really feel the need to continue talking to her, view her as an elderly neighbor that you're trying to give a listening ear to and nothing more.
    No need to visit in person, no need to get caught up emotionally in anything going on with her. Keep her really at arms length in every respect.
    Talk with her in a polite tone without getting too involved.
    That's all you should be offering her. (and even that is more than I personally would).

  2. #42
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You invited her to stay with you for your own reasons. One is to continue your narrative of your victimhood. You drove this. You continued this . You tried to fix and change her.

    You took advantage of a clearly disheveled and confused person. There is a steely coldness and detached attitude in all these links to hypothesized mental illness diagnoses.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Wisemans not wrong. You do keep going back to a broken person for some reason. You need to ask yourself why.

    Feeling sorry for her is more of an excuse. No one keeps returning to a fire without knowing at some point they will get burnt again.

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    She's not your patient or your responsibility. While it's interesting to you to look up psychiatric disorders, she could have any number or combination of things starting with substitute abuse, mood disorders, thought disorders, personality disorders, etc.

    She belongs in a treatment center, not on your sofa. She's not a specimen to toy with, she's a clearly troubled human being. If you had compassion you would have called EMS for her and would stop encouraging her self destruction .
    She has been diagnosed with 3 psychiatric conditions already (PTSD, depression and anxiety).

    Unfortunately, I don't see her getting any help - she considers her behaviour to be fine.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    So? She didn't walk into a psychiatrists office she walked into your place.
    Originally Posted by Jas76

    Unfortunately, I don't see her getting any help - she considers her behaviour to be fine.

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Having an interest in psychology is fine but trying to diagnose another by google searches is not. Basically you are not qualified to diagnose and your researched outcome is still at the end of the day a guess. And serves no purpose.

    Even if your guess was by fluke correct , what does it matter?

    What does matter is how you are being treated by another regardless of their diagnosis and if it is something you are willing to tolerate or not? Since you barely know this person , of course you should not tolerate this behaviour from a virtual stranger. If it was a family member or life long friend then sure!

    As for your trigeminal neuralgia , have you found out the cause of it?
    Depending on the cause , results in different treatment methods and / or cure.
    Have you sought a second opinion?
    I appreciate I'm not a clinician, but it probably doesn't take one to work out there is something wrong with her behaviour.

    Yes, I don't think her dubious behaviour is something I should accept, which probably explains why she has no friends, and at the age of 63 has not found a successful relationship.

    Seen around 4 or 5 consultants regarding my facial pain. It is likely trauma was the cause of that. One proposed a drug that I'm not keen on trying due to side effects.

  8. #47
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It's important to realize that you drove this whole thing, so who's the victim here? Sorry to say but the Clearasil and cuddles are your ideas and a bit creepy.
    That's harsh and a bit unfair. I wanted her to take more pride in her appearance, and didn't specifically say she should use Clearasil.

  9. #48
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    And that is really what this is about, no?
    Originally Posted by Jas76
    I wanted her to.......

  10. #49
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jas76
    She has been diagnosed with 3 psychiatric conditions already (PTSD, depression and anxiety).

    Unfortunately, I don't see her getting any help - she considers her behaviour to be fine.
    Because IT IS fine. She likes what she does. Enjoys it. She will never run out of those who want to "fix" her up while she takes advantage of them instead.

    Thinking that you are her savior, her only friend, that she needs you, etc, etc, etc is very very arrogant thinking on your part. Feeling sorry or pity for someone isn't nice, it's insulting and patronizing behavior. Completely unhealthy and something you need to address within yourself.

    If you have this urge to help others, then do something constructive - volunteer at a soup kitchen or habitat for humanity or any number of other charities out there. Go read stories to children in the cancer ward. Do something that actually matters and will make a difference to someone for real. Trying to save a psychopath from themselves is not it. They don't need you or any kind of saving. It's you who will need to be saved from them eventually as they proceed to destroy you. There are so many good things you could be doing, real and constructive, instead you are fixating on a lunatic. You are intelligent, so get a grip on yourself and get your own head screwed on straight and start making better decisions. You are perfectly capable of that.

  11. #50
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Jas..you're keeping this woman around because she makes you feel needed, you feel a sense of purpose in "saving her" and it gives you something to do in the midst of boredom/loneliness.

    She on the other hand keeps coming around because she see's vulnerability in you and knows how to play you. This woman has messed up her life and now is deciding to latch onto you as another person to draw into her drama and toxic life. But you're right, she has absolutely no remorse in how badly she has treated you or handled things, and she never will.

    This woman is way past the point of caring what damage she does to anyone. Right now, you are someone she has access to and wants to see how far she can push things.
    Her tears are alligator tears, she knows it will make you feel bad for her and incite guilt.

    You really need to walk away. This whole situation is based on toxicity on both sides.

    As for dating, you only need to find ONE woman, just one who fits your lifestyle, understands you and wants to spend time with you so you can both give each other happiness.
    It's not easy to find that one woman, but she's out there. You just have to keep looking.

    Chatting online or messaging is fairly easy and at least it will change your focus, which is what you really need to be doing right now. Even if you go onto friendship sites looking for someone to chat with who might relate to your situation (I'm sure there are support sites for your medical conditions). Then at least you'll find someone to talk with that you can relate to and get the support you need.
    It would be so much healthier than wasting your time with this woman who is dragging you down.

    As I was saying before, if you really feel the need to continue talking to her, view her as an elderly neighbor that you're trying to give a listening ear to and nothing more.
    No need to visit in person, no need to get caught up emotionally in anything going on with her. Keep her really at arms length in every respect.
    Talk with her in a polite tone without getting too involved.
    That's all you should be offering her. (and even that is more than I personally would).
    Yes, I think I also had some feelings for her. We did have long chats and I did enjoy her company, albeit when she was respectful. This makes things hard.

    Indeed, she made it abundantly clear she has no remorse for here abuse behaviour. She also dished out more abuse from time to time, though much less intense, sent me an e-mail with a very hostile undertone, and tried to gaslight me when I took issue with that.

    True regarding dating. I should keep going. I don't socialise much due to my poor health, which makes things difficult though. Relationships can also be very bruising though, and I'm not sure my mental health can manage that at the moment.

    Yep, there are lots of groups on Facebook.

    I think I'm scared to engage with her at all - she clearly is a very manipulative, damaged and hostile person, and will undoubtedly try her luck again, which is something that worries me.

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