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Thread: Feeling used and abused

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What was her book about? Clearly she is unstable and her departure is a good thing. Delete and block her. She's a bit cookoo.
    Her book was about a legal case.

    Yes, there is definitely something not right there. I think her father abandoned her around the time of her birth/conception, which is quite sad. It also sounds like she was never nurtured by her mother, even according to her own admission, which is also quite sad. She has also been in therapy, which ended sooner than it should have according to her.

    The problem is people's egos prevent them from seeking further help, or admitting they have a problem, and she seems to fall into that category. She acts like she thinks she is infallible and her behaviour is normal.

    She, however, treats me with contempt, and won't take anything I say seriously because I'm seeing a therapist to help me with my abusive past. So, she seems a bit of a lost cause sadly.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    What do your friends and family say?
    Not spoken to them about it. I don't like my brother knowing about my romantic relationships, as he can be very nosy. I might still mention it to him though.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jas76
    Yes, I think there are definitely some words of wisdom there. There problem is where you get emotionally attached to someone, and feel sorry for them. I suppose, however, that those are the tools an emotional abuser relies on.
    Yup, you got that right. Crazies are brilliant at making themselves out to be a victim and they are good at latching on to those who are highly empathetic and kind...but also with weak boundaries. Keep in mind that you can be very kind and caring and still have strong boundaries and that's important, especially when you are more empathetic type. When she asked to come stay with you, she was literally testing your boundaries. You knew in your gut it was nuts, but she pushed a bit and you agreed. Bingo, she got you.

    So now you assert those boundaries and block and delete. Learning how to have and enforce healthy boundaries is a learned skill and so is learning how to let go emotionally. You already have a very clear grasp of what's happening and what you should and shouldn't do, now you just need to take it all the way and listen to your own reason and trust it.

    The whole thing about her falling out with her entire fam and having no friends, again you are right - she is the common denominator. Be careful about feeling sorry for people like that though - she has plenty of mileage and has made it fine in life and will continue to do so. Manipulators never stop manipulating and don't really run out of fodder for that either. Your goal is not become their fodder.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Yup, you got that right. Crazies are brilliant at making themselves out to be a victim and they are good at latching on to those who are highly empathetic and kind...but also with weak boundaries. Keep in mind that you can be very kind and caring and still have strong boundaries and that's important, especially when you are more empathetic type. When she asked to come stay with you, she was literally testing your boundaries. You knew in your gut it was nuts, but she pushed a bit and you agreed. Bingo, she got you.

    So now you assert those boundaries and block and delete. Learning how to have and enforce healthy boundaries is a learned skill and so is learning how to let go emotionally. You already have a very clear grasp of what's happening and what you should and shouldn't do, now you just need to take it all the way and listen to your own reason and trust it.

    The whole thing about her falling out with her entire fam and having no friends, again you are right - she is the common denominator. Be careful about feeling sorry for people like that though - she has plenty of mileage and has made it fine in life and will continue to do so. Manipulators never stop manipulating and don't really run out of fodder for that either. Your goal is not become their fodder.
    Yes, you are so right there. And yes, these types of people hate other people setting boundaries, because that way they seem to lose control and/or don't get what they want, hence all the conniptions and emotional blackmail etc.

    The reason I let her stay was that I felt sorry for her because she had no access to the internet, and she was seemingly putting herself at risk of contracting COVID-19 trying to gain access around shops and banks etc.

    It is really difficult not to feel sorry for her; she lives a very modest and lonesome life. I was really hoping that she would see the error of her ways, but instead she used that to manipulate me too i.e. she issued an insincere apology to get me to talk on the phone with her at one point, but later expressed no remorse.

    I have been spending many a sleepless night worrying about it, and am so glad I found a sounding board here.

    I just done some rudimentary research on people with [Register to see the link] , and she seems to fit the bill. I have noted the following:

    1. Fear of abandonment.
    2. Intense emotions that last from a few hours to a few days and can change quickly.
    3. Finds it very hard to make and keep stable relationships.
    4. Acts impulsively (in her case, binge eating, alcohol and sex etc.).
    5. Very intense feelings of anger, which are really difficult to control.

    Incidentally, the part about binge eating shows from a physical perspective, which also demonstrates a lack of pride etc.

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  6. #15
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Run like crazy . Never answer her again. Like , ever. I hear you about the facial pain I have trigeminal neuralgia.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Run like crazy . Never answer her again. Like , ever. I hear you about the facial pain I have trigeminal neuralgia.
    Yep, sadly, I think that's the only way forward.

    I suffer from trigeminal neuralgia too.

  8. #17
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jas76
    Yep, sadly, I think that's the only way forward.

    I suffer from trigeminal neuralgia too.
    I hear you. I am lucky enough to be in remission right now otherwise I am medicated to the eyeballs when not.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I hear you. I am lucky enough to be in remission right now otherwise I am medicated to the eyeballs when not.
    Glad you understand where I'm coming from. Yes, TN is an absolute nightmare. I've been on opiates, but they lose their efficacy after a while, so I use them sparingly. Hope yours stays in remission.

    Incidentally, mine was seemingly brought on by a physically abusive brother, which was briefly alluded to in my first post.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Call her bluff and block and delete her. Good riddance!

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Call her bluff and block and delete her. Good riddance!
    Yep, good advice me thinks.

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