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Thread: Feeling used and abused

  1. #141
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you heard from her? Was she homeless?

  2. #142
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Have you heard from her? Was she homeless?
    Strangely enough I got a message from her today, essentially saying she hopes I'm okay. Not sure if this is because she has settled down after a period of mania and/or she is starting to feel remorse.

    No, I don't think she has ever been homeless, but she has struggled a lot with basic needs.

  3. #143
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    I think you need to stop googling what’s wrong with her mentally and start focusing on yourself.

    She needs to be with someone who can handle her and clearly you are not that person.
    You would be doing wrong by her by staying in touch. So if you have any empathy at all for her , you would delete and block her. That is what SHE needs from you at this point. And it’s also what you need because you are spending an insane amount of time researching what’s wrong with her when essentially it’s none of your business and you will never actually come to the right conclusion or validation of your conclusions which really are just assumptions.

    I suggest you research a new hobby. ?

    If your therapist said he/she would “support” you whatever you do in regards to her , then clearly you need to fire your therapist and get a second opinion.

  4. #144
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    I think you need to stop googling what’s wrong with her mentally and start focusing on yourself.

    She needs to be with someone who can handle her and clearly you are not that person.
    You would be doing wrong by her by staying in touch. So if you have any empathy at all for her , you would delete and block her. That is what SHE needs from you at this point. And it’s also what you need because you are spending an insane amount of time researching what’s wrong with her when essentially it’s none of your business and you will never actually come to the right conclusion or validation of your conclusions which really are just assumptions.

    I suggest you research a new hobby. ?

    If your therapist said he/she would “support” you whatever you do in regards to her , then clearly you need to fire your therapist and get a second opinion.
    Thanks for the input.

    I don't think anyone can properly handle her, as someone rightly alluded to earlier on in this thread.

    I don't think turning my back and blocking someone is always the way forward. It may be the way forward, but I'm still giving that some serious thought.

    You may also want to consider if you have made an ad hominem attack there, and whether too your conclusions are assumptions.

    You also make it sound like caring about someone in this context is deeply wrong. I'm afraid I struggle to accept that.

    The promotion of client autonomy is widely accepted in psychotherapy, at least here in the UK.
    Last edited by Jas76; 07-03-2020 at 09:25 PM.

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  6. #145
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    Originally Posted by Jas76

    I don't think anyone can properly handle her, as someone rightly alluded to earlier on in this thread.

    You may also want to consider if you have made an ad hominem attack there, and whether too your conclusions are assumptions.

    You also make it sound like caring about someone in this context is deeply wrong. I'm afraid I struggle to accept that.
    You have accepted that no one can handle her . That’s good you have acknowledged that.

    Therefore the only way forward is to not attempt to. Right? And the only way to do that is to put her on ignore , otherwise by responding to her is some attempt to handle her. And thereby enabling her behaviour to a certain degree.

    Are my conclusions assumptions? Yes if you like. But are they emotionally driven? No.

    That’s the difference between your assumptions and mine or any other responder.

    Is it wrong for you to care? No.

    You can still care about someone you have blocked.

    People care about family members they have had to cut out of their life.
    And this is someone you barely know.

    So why are you struggling with it?

  7. #146
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Can you reach out to your community services, friends, family, neighbors and social services for more support?

    If you are homebound or disabled you may get more consistent support than hoping for random strangers to pop in and out of your life.
    Originally Posted by Jas76
    she has struggled a lot with basic needs.

  8. #147
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Can you reach out to your community services, friends, family, neighbors and social services for more support?

    If you are homebound or disabled you may get more consistent support than hoping for random strangers to pop in and out of your life.
    Not totally housebound etc.

    I have friends and family I talk to. I'm not that desperate for company or support.

    All people we meet start off as strangers.

    She didn't act in an odd or abusive way when she was in my home. It's does seem that any hint of rejection or criticism really triggers a seriously strong and disproportionate emotional reaction. To make matters worse, she seems completely oblivious to her shortcomings in this respect, which means the pattern is likely to continue, which makes me very nervous and reluctant to engage with her in any meaningful way. She could go completely berserk at any moment.

    Her manipulative ways also really concerns me, and it seems she has absolutely no shame here too.

    As someone rightly said earlier on, an abusive and manipulative person is arguably one of the worst kinds, particularly a shameless one. On the other side of the extreme she has this very positive side, which is causing me to have a bit of a conundrum.

  9. #148
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    she has settled down after a period of mania and/or she is starting to feel remorse.
    No, I would say it has more to do with not having and audience and being bored. This woman enjoys drama and creates it. She's probably sitting at home twiddling her thumbs so wants to stir the pot. She feels no remorse. She just knows that you'll roll over.

  10. #149
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, then all you have to do is stop hyper-focusing on her and her theoretical diagnoses. Try to go back to your life before it was interrupted by this tryst.

    How was your life before her? Were you happy? Dating? Working? Socializing? Try to do a system restore with your spinning mind, back to the time when things were functioning better.
    Originally Posted by Jas76
    Not totally housebound etc. I have friends and family I talk to. I'm not that desperate for company or support.

  11. #150
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    No, I would say it has more to do with not having and audience and being bored. This woman enjoys drama and creates it. She's probably sitting at home twiddling her thumbs so wants to stir the pot. She feels no remorse. She just knows that you'll roll over.
    Probably right, except I told her there would be no intimacy after her outburst, which didn't go down well as you can imagine. She still showed no remorse, so I told her I'm not inviting her over, which also didn't go down well as I've alluded to previously.

    I really think a reasonable and respectful person would not have behaved the way she did, and assuming they had some kind of mental breakdown and lost the plot, would have realised they did something seriously wrong by now. Not so?

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