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Thread: Feeling used and abused

  1. #111
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    And this is a woman you "love" and want to be friends with?

    Please, don't attach yourself to someone like this just because you're lonely.

  2. #112
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    And this is a woman you "love" and want to be friends with?

    Please, don't attach yourself to someone like this just because you're lonely.
    I was kind of forgiving because she was drunk and clearly very emotionally charged, but the lack of remorse did it for me.

    Yep, I think its best to stay very unattached.

  3. #113
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    This woman is unglued.

    You need to work more on your own life so you donít latch on to mentally unstable abusers like her, man.

  4. #114
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    This woman is unglued.

    You need to work more on your own life so you donít latch on to mentally unstable abusers like her, man.
    Indeed, fair point and duly noted.

    The problems is, as so often in relationships, we make an emotional investment, and once we are invested, it can be very hard just to walk away. I think it's the only wise thing left to do in this case sadly.

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  6. #115
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I see you agreeing with all the posters and always adding ... "yes, BUT ......." Lots of excuses etc.

    After 114 replies I am curious ......What are you going to do now?

  7. #116
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I see you agreeing with all the posters and always adding ... "yes, BUT ......." Lots of excuses etc.

    After 114 replies I am curious ......What are you going to do now?
    Probably keep a safe distance. One thing is for sure; I'm hurting like hell.

  8. #117
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    View it as a blessing in disguise and learn from it as it wasn't a relationship in the true sense of the word, right?

  9. #118
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Jas, she is a psychopath who is disgusting. I'm sorry but it makes you look bad that you would even consider staying in this woman's life at all.

    You should have better sense than this.

    There is having a kind heart, and then there is just being a plain fool out of desperation for having someone, anyone, in your life.

    I was on your side for a good part of this thread but after seeing her texts, she grossed me right out. Please have some sense.
    Being drunk does not turn people into freaks like that. There is something seriously wrong with her.

  10. #119
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    View it as a blessing in disguise and learn from it as it wasn't a relationship in the true sense of the word, right?
    Probably not, or certainly not a serious one. I think another blessing has been the fact that COVID-19 has kept us apart for a bit, so I had some breathing space to take it all in and reflect.

  11. #120
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Jas, she is a psychopath who is disgusting. I'm sorry but it makes you look bad that you would even consider staying in this woman's life at all.

    You should have better sense than this.

    There is having a kind heart, and then there is just being a plain fool out of desperation for having someone, anyone, in your life.

    I was on your side for a good part of this thread but after seeing her texts, she grossed me right out. Please have some sense.
    Being drunk does not turn people into freaks like that. There is something seriously wrong with her.
    Yes, her text messages profoundly shocked me to the core, which is something I have said to her.

    According to the research I have done on people with BPD, they seem to be Jekyll & Hyde type individuals. The [Register to see the link] states as follows:

    "People with BPD are often exceptionally enthusiastic, idealistic, joyful, and loving, but may feel overwhelmed by negative emotions (anxiety, depression, guilt/shame, worry, anger, etc.), experiencing intense grief instead of sadness, shame and humiliation instead of mild embarrassment, rage instead of annoyance, and panic instead of nervousness."

    The page also states:

    "People with BPD are also especially sensitive to feelings of rejection, criticism, isolation, and perceived failure."

    It seems a comment to her about her appearance, and my mild discomfort at times with the age difference (hence the "child" and "boy" messages), especially during intimacy, really triggered a deep sense of shame and humiliation (she even used that word), together with profound feelings of rejection.

    So, assuming she suffers from that, which does seem very possible, it would definitely explain her outbursts and behaviour, but I'm not sure it excuses it, particularly when she shows no genuine remorse circa 3 months after the event. It's difficult for me to accept that she has serious difficulty seeing that her behaviour was wrong, but the ego etc. does make that very difficult at times.

    I agree, being drunk doesn't excuse that behaviour, which is why I took such issue with it.

    What drew me to her was her very joyful and loving side (I've not spoken too much about that in this thread), which seems to be at the other side of the extreme, which is why her abusive behaviour came as such a shock.

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