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Thread: Feeling used and abused

  1. #101
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    What does your social and dating life look like apart from this woman, OP?

    Are you worried you won't have any other options if you cut ties with her?

  2. #102
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    If you choose to keep this woman in your life you can expect more of this:
    "Due to my poor mental health, I feel very vulnerable and defensive. My mental health has also deteriorated due to this conflict."

    Do you feel like some attention, no matter how abusive or detrimental, is better than no attention at all? Would you rather have this abusive woman in your life than be "alone"?

  3. #103
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Focusing on her is a nice way to avoid dealing with yourself and your own issues. Neat trick of the mind.
    You keep telling posters "you are right" but then you circle right back to your own toxic bs cloaked as being nice or feeling guilty or whatever.

    What are you planning to do to improve yourself, your mental health and your life outside of whining about an abusive narcissistic grandma who wants to fck you..... Gross....no? How low can you go, OP? That's really the game you are playing here and I can guarantee you that this game will never make you feel like a man.

  4. #104
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What does your social and dating life look like apart from this woman, OP?

    Are you worried you won't have any other options if you cut ties with her?
    Not good, especially at the moment due to COVID-19, which played a part in my not seeing the lady in question too.

    I think other options will arise, but I do feel some love for this woman, which is the thing that is really torturing me.

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  6. #105
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jas76
    Not good, especially at the moment due to COVID-19, which played a part in my not seeing the lady in question too.

    I think other options will arise, but I do feel some love for this woman, which is the thing that is really torturing me.
    Jas, you most likely do not "love" this woman. You're just craving someone in your life and have latched onto her because currently there isn't anyone else.

    I can pretty much guarantee you don't love her.

  7. #106
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    If you choose to keep this woman in your life you can expect more of this:
    "Due to my poor mental health, I feel very vulnerable and defensive. My mental health has also deteriorated due to this conflict."

    Do you feel like some attention, no matter how abusive or detrimental, is better than no attention at all? Would you rather have this abusive woman in your life than be "alone"?
    There is no question my mental health has taken a clubbing.

    I'm a bit confused sometimes. My heart says show forgiveness, understanding and compassion, but my head says this a very volatile situation. That's the reason I've been trying to find the middle ground, which is not inviting her over, trying to be pleasant and caring, hoping she will reflect, and things will eventually settle down. I think I'm being too optimistic though.

  8. #107
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Focusing on her is a nice way to avoid dealing with yourself and your own issues. Neat trick of the mind.
    You keep telling posters "you are right" but then you circle right back to your own toxic bs cloaked as being nice or feeling guilty or whatever.

    What are you planning to do to improve yourself, your mental health and your life outside of whining about an abusive narcissistic grandma who wants to fck you..... Gross....no? How low can you go, OP? That's really the game you are playing here and I can guarantee you that this game will never make you feel like a man.
    Some pretty harsh words. There is also a tad bit of 'splitting' there. I wouldn't say she was narcissistic.

    I am definitely focusing on improving myself, and am seeing a therapist employed by the most expensive therapy clinic in the country, if not Europe.

    I have also come to the realisation that no person is perfect, and we all make plenty of mistakes in life, and that includes our judgements of ourselves and others.

  9. #108
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Jas, you most likely do not "love" this woman. You're just craving someone in your life and have latched onto her because currently there isn't anyone else.

    I can pretty much guarantee you don't love her.
    Perhaps so. I would say that I'm definitely not in love with her, but I do feel love for her.

  10. #109
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jas76
    Perhaps so. I would say that I'm definitely not in love with her, but I do feel love for her.
    This is your excuse to keep communicating with her.

    How many times have the two of you communicated in the past few days?

  11. #110
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    This is your excuse to keep communicating with her.

    How many times have the two of you communicated in the past few days?
    Not at all.

    I do wonder if her recent manipulation (cutting off all contact etc.) is exactly that, or whether it is just defensiveness. Perhaps she thinks I may be one of those people who wants to [Register to see the link] , just until I find someone else (this isn't the case of course, as the main reason is that I was acting defensively due to her abusive tendencies). Sadly, that kind of things happens, as with situations where people use people solely for sexual gratification. Maybe that's what she thought of me, though nothing could be further from the truth.

    She may also think that my comment about her skin was plainly abuse, and there is therefore absolutely no need to show remorse in that respect, which is where we've reached an impasse. The difference is, of course, is that I admitted some fault, and made a sincere apology promptly, whereas she sent me abusive messages, which were clearly abusive, for hours on end one evening, with no sincere apology in sight. Here are just a few examples of the messages she sent me (she was clearly intoxicated though):

    1. "I'm going to prostitute myself."
    2. "Let me be your prostitute, oh please do let me."
    3. "Men are full of sh*t. Hope you don't miss your prostitute too much."
    4. "Well, I'm going to make sure I become really ugly and old, so repulsive that you won't stand the sight of me."
    5. "Child."
    6. "Misery tucked away from nature and life."
    7. "I am drinking. I am going to make myself very big and spotty, and you don't feature in my life anymore."
    8. "Happy facial pain."
    9. "I hope you enjoy your takeaway plastic meals, and look forward to your future fruitless liaisons with fickle insensitive woman."
    10. "It's about what you need because you're a boy."

    See what I mean about most people running a mile? On reading some of those messages again, I think I've taken the right decision.

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