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Thread: Are love, being in love, and sexual attraction three different things?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Acolyte, good to see you still here. I agree it takes time.

    Mocoboco, your wife seems a bit agitated and frustrated. And I think you're hurt. Wait for the marriage counselling to start and see what happens. Take things day by day and don't tear each other apart. If you're hurt and confused, process those emotions and organize them for the counselling sessions. Taking on the errands and anticipating or being more intuitive with the daily chores and taking care of the baby might help also. Instead of needing each other to direct or instruct, just do what needs to be done to relieve any stress. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    You sound inert emotionally and physically unavailable and admit to shutting her out on many levels. She admits she has lost interest in your lassitude and indifference and has turned to another man emotionally. Unfortunately this is way beyond anything date nights would fix, but it's a place to start.

    You didn't want kids and seem resentful. This has nothing to do with AM vs PM sex drives or being in shape. It has to do with a great deal of unspoken contempt and both of you acting out in a passive aggressive manner. This is why a therapist is your only hope, but to maybe prevent divorce, not rev up your sex life.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Once again, OP said:

    "Actually many times I turned her down in the evenings even before we got married:
    That's why I'm thinking it's hard to come back from this, I've been grinding her down for years and slowly crushed the spark."

    But she married you anyhow, OP.

    I hope it works out for you both.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member NowandZen's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Hurricane Alley
    A lot depends on your definition of those terms. I think they are three very different things. I love a lot of people. I think of love in that sense as wanting good things for them, and hurting when they hurt. I can be sexually attracted to people I don't love. (Of course I don't act on that attraction, except for the Mrs.). As for being in love, I think that is an idea as different as every person who says it. I think the initial attraction (infatuation?) could be called being in love. Also, in a long term relationship, you have periods of very intense, very specific feeling for another person, similar to the initial attraction. It's normal, I think for this to come and go.

    They key here is you have things you need to feel loved. She has things she needs to feel loved. As long as you are both honest about these things, and committed to giving them to each other, the ebb and flow of "being in love" as well as sexual attraction is just a normal part of a relationship.

    To me, being willing to do the things to make my wife feel loved is a big part of what love is, and and long as that doesn't go away, I feel we can manage through the back and forth of emotion.


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