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Thread: Am I being an a**hole without realizing?

  1. #1

    Am I being an a**hole without realizing?

    I've always been very shy and only started being more outgoing after university. I've always had a strong personality in the sense that I am very passionate about certain things like my ideals and goals, and I am a very strict and organized person and value moral and ethic character and thoughtfulness.
    It's always happened to me, even before I was a developing teen, that boys and men approach me and try to talk to me and I only a few years ago identified some of this as an attempt to flirt, but I would never say much because I was shy and mostly I was scared of any strangers and of all kinds of attention.
    So lately, since my Junior year of college or so, I've had it much easier talking to different people and this hasn't stopped happening. A lot of times people say things to me that are rude or offensive, but it's usually out of awkwardness or obliviousness, specially when it comes to my appearance, background, and sometimes about my own personality and personal life.
    It's happened a lot that when I try to correct some assumption about me that someone brings up, like calling me middle eastern or making comments about muslims, about middle eastern culture etc (those are the most common) usually people react like I'm offending them, sometimes they even get aggressive towards me.
    I've even wondered if I'm coming across as mean and I've been worried about this, I never thought about it much because this usually happens with strangers who approach me and I don't really know them outside of when they come talk to me.
    Today a man came to me with a conversation of this type, he usually just says hi to me and then I never really see him, he said something about how it's hard to be middle eastern in this area and about my name and something about middle eastern people that he knows or whatever, I was kind of infuriated by someone just assuming things about me and also because since this happens to me a lot I see a lot of prejudice in people, so I said that I am not middle eastern or Muslim or even religious, and I said that not all middle easterns are muslims or religious. This man got really angry with me and gave me a look of death, once I got up and grabbed my things, he didn't even move a finger even though he had come sit by me and was now blocking my way out. I thought he's not my problem, but since something like this has happened so many times I wonder if Im coming across very rude to everyone?

  2. #2
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    This sounds like an individual situation with a person who was rude to you. Which you kind of escalated. It was kind of rude for him to assume your background- or at least inappropriate. Perhaps you overreacted?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's important to realize that many people are simply ignorant nosy or curious. It's more important to know the difference between them. Let people know who you are even if they find you exotic, interesting or unusual. Be confident not defensive. If someone is being a snarky or bigoted jerk, walk away.

  4. #4
    Member 1imaan1's Avatar
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    Hi! There's a quote that says anything which irritates us is teaching us patience. So i would say best is to be patient at these situations. But if they exaggerate,then explain them politely. It's always better to be soft in such circumstances. They would realise that you are a nice person and that they themselves made a mistake by judging middle easterns as rude people. And if they still don't stop, then just leave that place WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. Anger always leads to bad results,so best is to control it as much as possible.

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  6. #5
    Originally Posted by 1imaan1
    Hi! There's a quote that says anything which irritates us is teaching us patience. So i would say best is to be patient at these situations. But if they exaggerate,then explain them politely. It's always better to be soft in such circumstances. They would realise that you are a nice person and that they themselves made a mistake by judging middle easterns as rude people. And if they still don't stop, then just leave that place WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. Anger always leads to bad results,so best is to control it as much as possible.
    This is very good advice, thank you. It's hard to see from a different perspective while being annoyed


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