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Thread: How do I move on from a horrific first love?

  1. #1

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    How do I move on from a horrific first love?

    My first love was incredibly toxic and hurtful. We dated for 7 months, and he ended it about a month and a half ago. He said he couldnít do it anymore and he didnít love me anymore because I made him miserable etc. We were both awful and got worse rather than better clearly. I knew we had to break up but he wanted no contact for as long as he needed to heal. He promised he would reach out one day and be friends one day. But I broke no contact several times and his reaction went from I miss you too to Iím starting to hate you/stop it to no response and just blocking me. Iím not sure what to feel or do. He never said to leave him alone forever or that he would never speak to me. Will I ever talk to him again? I know itís awfully pathetic to still want to speak to him one day. But itís so hard to let go of him. How can he be so cruel when Iím in so much pain? I know it is selfish of me to contact him but does he really not care at all? Will he ever forgive me harassing him?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Please respect his wishes. It's rude, plus continuing to get rejected by him will only make you feel worse.

    When you're tempted to contact him, contact a friend or family member instead. Better yet, remove his contact info from your phone, laptop, etc. Or, save his contact info in your phone under NO DON'T.

    Stop hurting yourself. Be kind to yourself.

  3. #3

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    Yeah I know itís horrible and awful of me to have contacted him so much. I canít imagine how annoying and suffocating it must be. I guess when I have the urge to contact him I just become very frantic and desperate so I donít think about it. But will he ever be able to forgive that I harassed him?? Do you think he will keep his promise?? I memorized his socials unfortunately. I wish I had told him before he got very mad that he should change the name of his social media and change his number or something... Iím so ashamed and regretful.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    He shouldn't have to change anything. You have complete and total control over your actions.

    I can guarantee if you continue to harass him he will not want to hear from you in the future or probably ever.

    Please get ahold of yourself and stop contacting him. As I suggested, put his contact info into your phone as NO DON'T. Contact a friend every time you are tempted to contact him.

    And please...be kind to yourself. Right now he's not hurting you...YOU are.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this, breakups suck. However 7 mos is a good time to cut your losses. Stop contacting him since he told you in writing to stop. He could take this to the police as evidence of harassment, stalking, etc.. And yes that happens. Don't ruin your life over a 28 wk romance that didn't pan out.

    Best thing for you? Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your devices, All your social media, All your messaging apps and ALL your contact lists. Talk to a trusted adult about this. Ask them to take you to a doctor/therapist to help you with obsessive, self-defeating thoughts and feelings and behaviors.
    Originally Posted by vp613
    I broke no contact several times and his reaction went from I miss you too to Iím starting to hate you/stop it to no response and just blocking me.

  7. #6

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    Yes of course he shouldnít have to change anything but I have really very little self control. I donít know why Iím so immature and why I lack self respect/control but I have broken no contact so many times. If I stop harassing him now, will he ever contact me?? The last time I contacted him, I was asking if he changed his mind and that I would accept it if he had, but he didnít even respond. Why couldnít he just tell me that he never wanted to speak again if he meant it? I have tried all those methods to not contact him. 90% of the time I donít want to contact him, but at critical times of emotion I just canít seem to stop myself. Im trying all sorts of self help and restricting phone use so I donít contact him. Thank you for being patient with me by the way, Iím sure I seem like an immature child. :(

  8. #7

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    I know he could take it as evidence for harassment and stalking and get a restraining order and all. He never told me to stop contacting him the last time. Heís never even said ďleave me aloneĒ. Only stop contacting me. Why canít he say that I have to leave him alone forever if he means that?? I did block him and delete stuff but when I become frantic I can easily find his accounts again and stuff. I canít afford a therapist. :( I would really love to have one.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go to a doctor MD. Start there. Get a complete evaluation physically and a referral to a therapist. Stop mincing words. You already know you have a problem with harassing him. If you can't afford a therapist, then you can't afford to be arrested. Tell a trusted adult what is going on. You have no right to harass someone because "you have no self control". That is a cop out.
    Originally Posted by vp613
    I know he could take it as evidence for harassment and stalking and get a restraining order and all. I canít afford a therapist.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Stop contacting me means leave me alone. Donít want to end up in jail? Stop. Many fish in the sea.

  11. #10

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Go to a doctor MD. Start there. Get a complete evaluation physically and a referral to a therapist. Stop mincing words. You already know you have a problem with harassing him.
    Yeah youíre right. I keep holding onto words and over analyzing everything hoping to find something that means he doesnít hate me. If I get help and stop harassing him, do you think he will ever reach out like he promised to? I canít afford therapy, my insurance doesnít cover it and it costs hundreds per hour where I live. I have tried free sites but they have time limits for speaking and only once per day. I have been trying to be strict with myself and helping myself through Stoicism and Buddhism. Iím usually fine and want to move on, when Iím emotional I just canít seem to get a hold of myself. Iím sorry Iím repeating myself. Your advice is very helpful of course. I just donít have access to therapy. I donít think I have any right to contact him ._. I know itís wrong of me.

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