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Thread: How do I move on from a horrific first love?

  1. #31
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    I understand and can relate to how you feel but I can assure you that the advice people are giving you are just what you need to do. I know break ups are rough. I'm going through one and the relationship lasted a year when it probably should've been over at about the 6 month mark. My ex would get into arguments with me every single time I'd try to open up or discuss things to work through and he would often block me and threaten to disappear, etc. Now that we are officially broken up and I've made a fool of myself enough spilling all my feelings and bring vulnerable just to get terrible responses from someone who doesn't care I have learned that it's worthless to continue. Deep down, if you truly love that person, give them what they want... Even if it means life without you. One day you may realize that you don't even need to be in contact with him ever or maybe one day you both will be healed enough but the ball is in his court. Don't force it.

    I suggest going to a counselor to you have someone in the outside you can share your feelings with. Start keeping a journal to help you process your emotions. If you feel like telling him something you can practice writing a letter and when your done destroy it. Rip it up and toss it. When you're tempted to reach out... Contact a friend or family. Try to shift your focus on you and your life goals. Do you have career goals or hobbies? If not, maybe start looking into some. Invest your time into new goals and projects. I know it can be difficult to control your emotions and behaviors but you're just going to have to. No one said it would be easy. It's not. I still have to have a little bit of contact with my ex. Heck, he probably would've even been ok with shifting to just friends had I been cool with it. But I know I can't. Not right now. I'm not healed so I have to discipline myself for my own good. I've stopped myself from making so many poor choices in this past week. I deactivated my Facebook account so I have less chances to even look at his Facebook or be flooded with all kinds of negative social media during this time. I took his number out of my contacts and I only contact regarding what's left in the apartment that I need to finish moving. I am focusing on my new apartment and organizing it to make it feel homey for me and my daughter. Trying to stay in contact with friends and family throughout the day to keep my mind off of things. Listening to music and playing guitar. You just have to come up with things that help relax you and make you happy. You'll have moments where you wanna break down and you might even cry. It's okay to have feelings. It's ok for it to take time to let go but you have to respect him and more importantly respect yourself. It will be better for you in the long run!

  2. #32

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    There is no health insurance in your country for seeing doctors (not talk therapy)? Are you covered under your parents insurance? You need a lot more than talk therapy. He blocked you, so game over. Now it's your responsibility to talk to a trusted adult and get to a doctor.

    He did not cause all these problems, they were merely uncovered by the breakup. Stop blaming him for all the world's problems and all your psychiatric issues. If you reflect honestly you'll see things were amiss before you ever met him.
    I feel like you donít know much about how my relationship was. It takes two to make a relationship bad. There is blame on both ends. Iím not blaming him completely at all?? I donít know where you got that idea from. I understand my blame and fault in how the relationship was and how post breakup was. I am planning on getting therapy as soon as I can from my college.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Great tips. There are threads specifically for this:

    Forum: Journals: [Register to see the link]

    Post here instead of contacting your ex! : [Register to see the link]

    Originally Posted by Acolyte2020
    Start keeping a journal to help you process your emotions
    When you're tempted to reach out... Contact a friend or family.

  4. #34

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    Originally Posted by Acolyte2020
    I understand and can relate to how you feel but I can assure you that the advice people are giving you are just what you need to do. I know break ups are rough. I'm going through one and the relationship lasted a year when it probably should've been over at about the 6 month mark. My ex would get into arguments with me every single time I'd try to open up or discuss things to work through and he would often block me and threaten to disappear, etc. Now that we are officially broken up and I've made a fool of myself enough spilling all my feelings and bring vulnerable just to get terrible responses from someone who doesn't care I have learned that it's worthless to continue. Deep down, if you truly love that person, give them what they want... Even if it means life without you. One day you may realize that you don't even need to be in contact with him ever or maybe one day you both will be healed enough but the ball is in his court. Don't force it.

    I suggest going to a counselor to you have someone in the outside you can share your feelings with. Start keeping a journal to help you process your emotions. If you feel like telling him something you can practice writing a letter and when your done destroy it. Rip it up and toss it. When you're tempted to reach out... Contact a friend or family. Try to shift your focus on you and your life goals. Do you have career goals or hobbies? If not, maybe start looking into some. Invest your time into new goals and projects. I know it can be difficult to control your emotions and behaviors but you're just going to have to. No one said it would be easy. It's not. I still have to have a little bit of contact with my ex. Heck, he probably would've even been ok with shifting to just friends had I been cool with it. But I know I can't. Not right now. I'm not healed so I have to discipline myself for my own good. I've stopped myself from making so many poor choices in this past week. I deactivated my Facebook account so I have less chances to even look at his Facebook or be flooded with all kinds of negative social media during this time. I took his number out of my contacts and I only contact regarding what's left in the apartment that I need to finish moving. I am focusing on my new apartment and organizing it to make it feel homey for me and my daughter. Trying to stay in contact with friends and family throughout the day to keep my mind off of things. Listening to music and playing guitar. You just have to come up with things that help relax you and make you happy. You'll have moments where you wanna break down and you might even cry. It's okay to have feelings. It's ok for it to take time to let go but you have to respect him and more importantly respect yourself. It will be better for you in the long run!
    Thank you so much. Youíre so much kinder than I probably deserve. I know the commenters are right that I have to stop and get help. Some are very harsh I feel like considering they donít rlly know much about me or my relationship. But I guess what Iíve told them is all they need to know. I have tried to invest in new hobbies and stay busy. I am usually fine and ready to move on. I do well for about two weeks and then I have a breakdown. I know Iím in control of myself and thereís no one else to blame for how he feels about me now. Itís just so painful knowing someone who once loved me so much and someone I probably still love despises me and resents my existence. Iíve never felt loss like that before. It seems like a horrible nightmare that I want to wake up from. I think I really am just delusional because I keep hoping he doesnít hate me genuinely and he will keep his promise one day.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by vp613
    Yeah I know itís horrible and awful of me to have contacted him so much. I canít imagine how annoying and suffocating it must be. I guess when I have the urge to contact him I just become very frantic and desperate so I donít think about it. But will he ever be able to forgive that I harassed him?? Do you think he will keep his promise?? I memorized his socials unfortunately. I wish I had told him before he got very mad that he should change the name of his social media and change his number or something... Iím so ashamed and regretful.
    Block and delete him, memorizing his social info was not a good idea. You need a diversion, call a friend, find a hobby etc. Keep busy. He wants you to back off, so do it.

  7. #36

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    But have you explained how you are currently feeling? If one of my kids felt the way you do I would move Heaven and Earth to help them.
    I donít think I could tell them all this. I think they would disown me. My parents are not very understanding and not very big believers in therapy/mental health care. Iím trying to make do with what is available to me. I really do feel awful and Iíve never felt as depressed or suicidal or as lost as I do now. And I keep preventing myself from ever feeling better. Iím sitting here sobbing as I read these comments because I really am just crazy and delusional. And he will never reach out.

  8. #37

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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Block and delete him, memorizing his social info was not a good idea. You need a diversion, call a friend, find a hobby etc. Keep busy. He wants you to back off, so do it.
    I didnít memorize it on purpose... I have been trying to forget it by memorizing other random sets of numbers. I have tried many diversions and they do work for around 2 weeks. My self control is weak but I know thatís not an excuse of any sort. I just have to stop or he will sue me or put me in jail or something. I canít believe it got this bad.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you are under 18 they MUST take you to a doctor. If they won't take you to a real doctor, call ems and go to an emergency room. You need more than talk therapy. Being suicidal is not a talk therapy situation. It's a medical situation unless you are just dragging out a lot of teen drama and really don't want help. It sounds like you do not want help. You want an excuse to continue abusing him.
    Originally Posted by vp613
    My parents are not very understanding and not very big believers in therapy/mental health care. Iíve never felt as depressed or suicidal or as lost as I do now.

  10. #39

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    If you are under 18 they MUST take you to a doctor. If they won't take you to a real doctor, call ems and go to an emergency room. You need more than talk therapy. Being suicidal is not a talk therapy situation. It's a medical situation unless you are just dragging out a lot of teen drama and really don't want help.
    I donít know if it is just because I am being dramatic and a typical teen or not. I guess Iím just very scared to ask for help. I donít think stoicism is mystical nonsense either, it has helped me a lot in some ways. But again Iím not very good at committing to things or having self control. I know itís not an excuse! Just saying. Iím working on it.

  11. #40
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by vp613
    Yes of course he shouldnít have to change anything but I have really very little self control. I donít know why Iím so immature and why I lack self respect/control but I have broken no contact so many times. If I stop harassing him now, will he ever contact me?? The(
    No one can answer that question, but one way to get someone else's attention is to stop giving them yours. This is not to say it will happen, yet if nothing else comes from that, it gives you time to focus on yourself.

    Be kind to yourself...

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