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Thread: Such confusion

  1. #11

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    "I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions... "

    None of these questions should be his focus right now. He is obviously very mentally ill and he needs to get well. Not be worrying about trying to have a relationship.

    Did all of this mental illness come out of nowhere? Or has he exhibited signs before?
    Thank you for the honesty. When reflecting on it all, I see the same. It's just hard balancing that with how the whole situation left me feeling. Selfish to expect any sort of answers from him, I know. Ultimately, his wellbeing is what matters most to me.

    I would say for the most part it came out of nowhere. There was never any huge warning signs and this was by far the only time I've seen him act overtly delusional. However, with that said, he always has seemed to have an overly inflated ego, hard to communicate emotionally with at times because he was hardly ever "wrong."
    I can also think of one other time in which he was showing abnormal levels of paranoia. In a previous work environment, he'd often come home with stories of how the engineers were deliberately studying and testing him as he seemed to see himself as some sort of superior employee.
    His father does have a strong history of these sort of issues too. He's an alcoholic and has been in the hospital numerous times with similar stories of "mental breaks"

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I'm very sorry. Go to group therapy if it helps. I won't comment on his episodes as those are personal. You cannot explain someone else's behaviour or other issues but I'm afraid you will continue to wonder why it happened. This is natural and you're going through a lot of emotions that are very natural. My only advice to you is to hold on to your sanity and take your time healing and making sense of everything. Your trust in people is likely a bit damaged at this point. Find an outlet and a way to talk about your feelings. You've been trying to keep things together for awhile. Whether or not you are a trigger, I'd hit pause on it for awhile and come back to it at some point in your healing. Mother's Day was only in early May. This is less than two months ago. You'll keep feeling waves of helplessness, confusion and anger. Take care of yourself.

    Be with people who know you and care about you. Are you still with your mum? If you are, I'm glad to hear that. Start immersing yourself again back around the people who love you. Spend time with your mum and engage in conversations with your family and friends. Write if it helps to organize your thoughts. You can write here or you can start a journal. Reconnect with your hobbies. In times of chaos, start rebuilding your connections back to reality.

    A word of caution also - it is not wrong to still have feelings for your ex and care deeply for his wellbeing. Don't beat yourself up about it and be too hard on yourself. You tried to reach out. It is not pathetic. Take a deep breath and acknowledge your tries and then tell yourself that there are some things you can't change. No matter how much you want them to be different, they aren't and they won't be. Keep engaging with those trusted family and friends around you. You're looking through a lens that may be a little clouded and hazy right now. They'll be your eyes for you for awhile.

    The clouds will begin to clear. Maybe not in your heart just yet but they will in your mind. Trust in that for now. Give yourself time.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Where is the gun? What is the history with mental illness and drugs? There has to be some history.

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Originally Posted by Liebe
    I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions...
    Because he's not in touch with reality, unfortunately. He isn't thinking rationally or considering how he is behaviour is affecting people around him; he's unable to process anything clearly right now. So you're probably correct that you will never really get the answers you seek, beyond knowing that you were dealing with someone who is not mentally well.

    It sounds like it is probably a combination of drugs and mental illness. You mentioned previous hints of paranoia, which indicate there was something simmering under the surface there before he boiled over. I have seen this twice, with two people in my life: one is a friend, the other my best friend's step-son. Both were always somewhat easily agitated but otherwise functioning, average folks. Both around the same age (mid 20s) when each suffered what we might call a mental breakdown, and both seemed to strike relatively out of the blue. On both occasions, each person suddenly began making wild, baseless accusations against people close to them and became very paranoid that someone was out to get them. Each person was quite incoherent and not making much sense at all, to the extent that both were drug-tested after being taken to hospital by frightened family. My friend was negative for any sort of substance, while my friend's stepson had been using marijuana (though not much) After multiple evaluations, both were diagnosed with different mental health disorders. In retrospect, family and friends could identify how each might have shown early symptoms of problems but they weren't alarming enough to attract much attention from those around them - until both finally broke. It was scary to watch.

    Both have been under doctor's care since (a couple years now for each) and are fairly stable now, though I can see times when my friend begins to slip into paranoid thought patterns again. Her family keeps a pretty close eye on her and recognizes when she's not doing well, and try to get her increased care from her doctors. I have to admit that both are no longer in the relationships they had been when they each suffered their breakdowns, and I believe that's for the best. Neither would have been able to sustain a relationship while their treatment was at its most delicate stages. It just wasn't anywhere on their radars in terms of getting healthy again.


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