Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 44

Thread: Struggling to move on

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,303
    Originally Posted by LSL
    Yeah I have managed to save up a good deposit and done it all on my own which I am proud of but I think because I thought it would have been with him it is a wee bit scary doing it on my own but at the same time I am excited

    I posted on here when my break up happened last October as I was in a really bad place and posting on here has helped me through alot of it.

    I think just because my confidence has went down a bit since what happened with my break up but I think you are right I probs will just laugh haha, a lot of my friends, colleagues etc said to me any man would be lucky to have you and it really meant alot to me, they said you are really genuine and are always there for others so that maybe gives me hope they think I will meet the right person one day..hopefully haha

    Good for you! Soon you will have your own place.

    You were in a long-term relationship. Give it some time before you start dating, as you still have a lot to process. The pandemic have made things even more difficult for everyone, try to focus on things that keep you busy, and people that bring positive to your life. Many have been in your shoes, and time will heal.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,303
    Originally Posted by LSL
    I think it is just because out my friend group I am the only single one so everyone is all settled with partners, kids married etc so I sometimes just get upset about it because I was nearly there with the house the partner etc and my world has just changed completely now so it's like I have to adjust to a new life if that makes sense?

    And then I am thinking God how do I meet someone again or will the next person hurt me the way my ex did just these things go through my head
    All the reason to expand your friend group, when things open up more.

    I am 55 and have faith in meeting someone. Try to be less dramatic, as you are still very young.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    181
    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Try not to futurise LSL. It's a killer.

    We cannot foretell the future either. And fortune-telling can be dicey. Lol.

    And it is just as well you were not nearly there with the individual you describe. A lucky escape.

    Meeting someone again is not a "lucky-bag" type of thing. No one can hurt you if you don't let them. So preparing yourself so that you become not just self-aware but very aware of people. Get good at reading people.

    Dial back that anxiety. With help if necessary.

    Never mind who else has what. You don't even know what their lives might really be like.

    Good luck
    Yeah I think I just miss having someone there and doing things with and I need to not keep looking back on all the good things because the end of the relationship just totally broke me the way he ended it and it was so hurtful so do you think it's best not to always focus on the good time?

    Yeah I think I need to focus on myself and and get my confidence back up again and just hopefully think this has happened because there is something better out there for me

  4. #14
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    181
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Good for you! Soon you will have your own place.

    You were in a long-term relationship. Give it some time before you start dating, as you still have a lot to process. The pandemic have made things even more difficult for everyone, try to focus on things that keep you busy, and people that bring positive to your life. Many have been in your shoes, and time will heal.
    Yeah I think the pandemic has made it alot worse because I have just been overthinking everything for example I think what if I done this what if I done that but I cant think like that because I shouldnt have to change the person I am for someone else

    Yeah my work friends have been so supportive and really getting me through it and always making sure I am ok and they keep telling me to keep my head held high

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,228
    Gender
    Female
    I get it...it's the "what's wrong with me?" syndrome. You haven't met someone wonderful yet, your friends are not single so hanging out with them is a bore because all they talk about is their kids, they don't go out, nothing new or exciting has happened yet, you feel stuck, not moving forward. The only real change is that you don't have a BF anymore which leads to depressive thoughts. You have your good days of excited for new things to come, but have those lows where nothing really hasn't happened yet.

    I agree you need to expand your social circle. You are not the only one single at 30 of course, so that's why there are groups you can join where they set up outings and activities for singles. It will help you make new connections. They do cost money, but you can sign up for a couple of months and see what you get out of it. I know a few that did use this type of service. They may not have met the love of their life, but did make some new friends to hang out with. You can even try dancing classes, join a hiking group, or anything that involves a hobby you might like to try and meet people that way. I feel if you set small very doable goals, you know ones you can accomplish in a day will make you feel a lot better. It will build some self confidence, and feel good about yourself...to which you so deserve!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    2,398
    Gender
    Female
    LSL you ask:

    "...do you think it's best not to always focus on the good time?"


    Put the adjective "perceived" in front of that word good.

    What seems is not what is. And that applies to people too.

    Don't look back OP. "Malignant Nostalgia" is a real killer.

    And I echo the advice just given by Smackie.

    And you mentioned at one time:

    "I am not a very confident person at the best of times "

    Get to work on building self-confidence OP. It will be your armour.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,825
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by LSL
    Yeah I'm 30, yeah I get you do you think I am maybe being too hard on myself?

    Alot of people have said to me when you turn 30 and are older you know what you want in life more than when you were in your 20's

    How long did it take you to feel like completely better after your breakup?
    Yes, I think you're being hard on yourself. Human, understandable. But still: a touch hard. This isn't Olympic swimming, where you miss the podium by .002 seconds. It's just life. It thrives with latitude.

    I'm not sure if I'd say that 30 marks the beginning of knowing what you want from life. I think life, more or less, is forever of journey exploring that question, with stretches of clarity giving way to stretches of fogginess. But I do think it's a time when you start thinking less about needing to have x by year y, when you pivot from needing everything answered to getting more comfortable in the idea that it's really just a series of questions, with clarity and fogginess being more of "one thing" rather than binary poles. Or at least that was my experience. At 25 I wanted to know exactly what and where I'd be at 30; now I'm 40, and I don't really care to know what 45 or 50 will bring. I trust the process, and trust myself to navigate it.

    As for my story? Mind you, it's just my story, not a template for anything, but: I think I was in a pretty good headspace at around 8-9 months. Was around then that I started dating again, and I didn't feel like a zombie or an imposter when doing so. Not sure when "completely better" occurred. It kind of just did, but what's important is that I don't measure "completely better" by "feeling great 24/7 and finding love again." It was just being me, a dude going through life rather than a dude measuring life by a breakup.

    And if you can be a littler gentler with yourself? You might realize that's what's happening here: you are just you, a newly single 30 year old reclaiming some fire while living in an absolutely bonkers moment on planet Earth. Everyone is on edge. You're in good company right now.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,245
    Go easy. You're coming down way too hard on yourself. Apply that somewhere else - your professional life, your work, whatever you do on the side. Don't do that to your heart. Handle with care. Bluecastle's posts resonated with me and I agree with everyone else. Stay away from the "what's wrong with me" syndrome Smackie mentioned also and keep the faith.

    Are you working at the moment? Put things in perspective if you're off work. Chances are things are a little up in the air with the pandemic. Try not to self-destruct.

    It is completely normal to think about your ex but it's what you do that counts. Focus on things that you are able to forward and accomplish and give back to your wellbeing. Be kind to yourself. There is only one of you.

  10. #19
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    181
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I get it...it's the "what's wrong with me?" syndrome. You haven't met someone wonderful yet, your friends are not single so hanging out with them is a bore because all they talk about is their kids, they don't go out, nothing new or exciting has happened yet, you feel stuck, not moving forward. The only real change is that you don't have a BF anymore which leads to depressive thoughts. You have your good days of excited for new things to come, but have those lows where nothing really hasn't happened yet.

    I agree you need to expand your social circle. You are not the only one single at 30 of course, so that's why there are groups you can join where they set up outings and activities for singles. It will help you make new connections. They do cost money, but you can sign up for a couple of months and see what you get out of it. I know a few that did use this type of service. They may not have met the love of their life, but did make some new friends to hang out with. You can even try dancing classes, join a hiking group, or anything that involves a hobby you might like to try and meet people that way. I feel if you set small very doable goals, you know ones you can accomplish in a day will make you feel a lot better. It will build some self confidence, and feel good about yourself...to which you so deserve!
    Thank you for the great advice, alot of my friends having been telling me to do online dating but I have never done anything like that before so I am really nervous and I dont know if I am ready but they said it would build my confidence up do you think it would?

  11. #20
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    181
    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    LSL you ask:

    "...do you think it's best not to always focus on the good time?"


    Put the adjective "perceived" in front of that word good.

    What seems is not what is. And that applies to people too.

    Don't look back OP. "Malignant Nostalgia" is a real killer.

    And I echo the advice just given by Smackie.

    And you mentioned at one time:

    "I am not a very confident person at the best of times "

    Get to work on building self-confidence OP. It will be your armour.
    I think aswell when you get your heartbroken like so out of the blue and sudden it crushes you and I always think what if he moves on before me while I'm still here getting upset over it that's what worries me

Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •