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Thread: Guy I've talked to all of Quarantine ghosted post 3mo of txting?

  1. #1
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    Guy I've talked to all of Quarantine ghosted post 3mo of txting?

    So I've been talking with this awesome guy I met on hinge (3mo texting/facetiming) and the minute I landed back home where we both live full time, he invited me to his friends rooftop to see if I wanted to join for a drink but I passed because I needed to unpack but sent him this exact text message "I couldn't because I was actually unpacking but would defenitly still love to meet you sometime in phase II" and response "Yeah that sounds great, I'll probably be at the beach next weekend but I'm sure we can figure it out" It's been a whole two weeks, and I told him I was free this upcoming weekend and I havent heard from him.

    Time to move on right? What are yall's thoughts on guys who are inconsistent? He's done this thing before where he won't talk to me for weeks and then out of no where pop up again? I just feel like I need to move forward and forget him. WHY do men do this? It's the most effing frustrating thing ever...
    I personally feel If I was the last one to say something it's his turn to text me about making plans Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yup, time to move on. No question about that. He probably found another girl on a dating site who caught his fancy so he's moved on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You seem very responsible. I don't know if I would be interested in unpacking first thing myself but that was a good play (you didn't even know it). Like you, I'd have declined a rooftop party but probably would have also declined anything suitcase related.

    The rooftop party doesn't sound like a date at all. Seems more like a night of getting wasted and a casual hook up. I think he got a good idea of the kind of woman you are and that is a very good thing for you. Consider this a dodged bullet and let go of this person, let in new potential dates who are more on your wavelength.

    I think you got a good idea of the kind of man he is too. Let it go - to each their own.

    Be with someone more grounded like you and caring/responsible.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You never met, no less dated or are exclusive. Clearly you are both talking to and meeting others. If you still want to meet at some point just confirm it. Otherwise focus on the other people you're talking to.

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  6. #5
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    He wasn't inconsistent as far as dating. You're not dating. Also has nothing to do with gender. This has happened to me countless times as I try to meet people in person through my facebook groups (mostly mom groups) who type to me that they are very interested in meeting and making new friends. Until it's actually time to make a plan. Then vague excuses/MIA, etc. I have a friend who for the last 5 years has been promising to call me (we met 22 years ago and were in the same city for the first 10 years or so) - she says when she will call/asks me when she should call. And nothing. At least 12 times in the last 5 years including over a week ago. I don't mind the ten seconds to respond with "great I am free at ___" but it's ridiculous.

    By contrast my close friend who is male who I've known for over 25 years is reliable to a fault about calling/getting together when we're in the same city, etc. Totally platonic. He met his wife through a dating site. He was always reliable when it came to making plans. I met over 100 men in person through dating sites. Some were unreliable. For almost all of them we exchanged a few emails, had one or two phone calls and met. Several of my friends met their spouses/significant others through dating sites.

    He's basically a stranger you've been typing and talking with. Not someone you are dating. I know you couldn't meet because of the pandemic. You declined his invitation to come to a party and you didn't suggest a specific time and place to meet in person -you were vague so maybe he figured he'd invite another gal he was interested in to go out. As he could/should since you are not dating, much less exclusively. Please try to avoid blaming this on gender or thinking of it as a dating issue -and no he didn't ghost you -that's if you'd been dating regularly and for awhile and he went MIA - if you let yourself go there with the negativity and generalizing - you'll just get in your own way from the bitterness.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You were probably first option, but that didn't pan out so then he asked someone else and they said yes....

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    If he's faded in and out before, I'd block him and forget it.

    I know some of the time, we feel like we are being unreasonable. you're not dating, you don't owe each other anything, what's the big deal.

    Well its not a big deal and you don't have to be mad or even say anything... but you can decide that fading in and out is not good enough for you. And just fade permanently from them.

    You don't have to change anyone or explain yourself or what you need, especially to a person that has only been focused on their own needs all along.

    What you do need to do, keep looking until you find someone that is working with you, not just doing what works.

    I know the pandemic has caused us all to talk to people a lot longer (prior to meeting) than what is actually ideal. So again, no biggie. But this person is still 100% a stranger.... Never go to a private residence to meet a stranger. You have no idea what or who would be waiting for you there!

    Aside from a potential crime and back to your original question...

    I'd recognize, that a last minute invite to hang out is zero effort... all their comfort zone. they are already going to be there, surrounded by their friends. who would want to walk into this?

    And the fact that a decline did not immediately prompt a, "when are you free?" then you are not missing out on anyone.

    Granted it could have been an innocent, last minute thought.... but we are all connected 100% via our phoned. There is no reason an intetested person wouldn't keep up the conversation until they returned, unless he's with someone else and you're on the back burner until they decide otherwise.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    He wasn't inconsistent as far as dating. You're not dating. Also has nothing to do with gender. This has happened to me countless times as I try to meet people in person through my facebook groups (mostly mom groups) who type to me that they are very interested in meeting and making new friends. Until it's actually time to make a plan. Then vague excuses/MIA, etc. I have a friend who for the last 5 years has been promising to call me (we met 22 years ago and were in the same city for the first 10 years or so) - she says when she will call/asks me when she should call. And nothing. At least 12 times in the last 5 years including over a week ago. I don't mind the ten seconds to respond with "great I am free at ___" but it's ridiculous.

    He's basically a stranger you've been typing and talking with. Not someone you are dating. I know you couldn't meet because of the pandemic. You declined his invitation to come to a party and you didn't suggest a specific time and place to meet in person -you were vague so maybe he figured he'd invite another gal he was interested in to go out. As he could/should since you are not dating, much less exclusively. Please try to avoid blaming this on gender or thinking of it as a dating issue -and no he didn't ghost you -that's if you'd been dating regularly and for awhile and he went MIA - if you let yourself go there with the negativity and generalizing - you'll just get in your own way from the bitterness.
    This! Completely agree with you, Batya.


    Originally Posted by electricorchid
    "I couldn't because I was actually unpacking but would defenitly still love to meet you sometime in phase II"
    I'll be honest. He invited you to a specific event. Fair enough that you couldn't make it. However, your counteroffer of "love to meet you sometime in phase II" was quite vague. By the way, does he like texting? I know folks who despise it and only text when they have to.


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