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Thread: Co-workers to Close Friends to Almost Lovers? to EMPTINESS

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you hoping telling you about his love life again is a sign? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
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    Don't trust a man who flip-flops this quickly, OP.

    His sudden turnaround doesn't smell quite right.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Just meet up with him to satisfy your curiosity, if anything.

    I don't know how effective it is to be on a dating site with strangers without acknowledging what you felt for this guy and taking a time out to process things, get grounded.

    Do you have any friends you can talk to or hang out with? Opt for that over swiping left or right.

    Things didn't quite work out the way you wanted it to but you did feel strong emotions for this person whether he was available or not. Those feelings are yours and yours alone. Just because they weren't reciprocated doesn't mean they weren't good or yours or whole or meaningful to you. Acknowledging your depth of emotion and what you felt is also acknowledging yourself and treating yourself with respect and kindness.

    I don't think it's useful to demonize this person even though he does seem awfully out of it. He's going through something on his end. Tearing down someone you care about just keeps you bitter and hurting for longer. Tell yourself that it was what it was and there's nothing else to it. He's someone you care about but it's not what you want or are looking for in your life.

    I think moving into swiping left and right is like going from one superficial situation to another, from the kettle to the frying pan.

    Time out.

  4. #24
    Thanks, all, for the insights and advice. In my last response, I said I was "continuing to swipe right on Bumble". This is what I'm doing: moving on. So no worries. :-)

    I think Rose is right: there's no need to demonize this man. He is not a bad person. No worse than anyone on this thread, imo. This is just life: a long line of gray. It's not always cut and dry, and we humans don't always act the way we should. But we grow. He will grow, and I will allow him to do that without putting the mark of the beast on him, or bringing my own self to ruin. He's made his amends, and I'm not going to hold a grudge. I'm just going to guard my distance and my heart (as you've suggested). There's a thing called "releasing someone with love", and I like to adhere to that.

    Moving forward.

    To Rose, I really appreciate your insights. Thank you! Still: I've been alone a really REALLY long time. Like, years. Spending years doing what everyone says is the "right" thing to do for growth: working on myself, loving and learning from my mistakes, going to therapy, and cultivating tons of genuine hobbies and interests that I love. I've written novels, I'm building a business, am planning a film shoot, I have a great family, an amazing daughter, have traveled the world a few times (and will be doing more of that next year, hopefully), and I have a 60+ hour per week full-time job that puts mileage on my soul and keeps my hours extremely busy. My friend group is really small, honestly, and they have already settled down in many ways; but they are mighty, and I love them. I have more hobbies than I can count. I go to dinners, movies, museums, and trips by myself most the time, and I genuinely enjoy myself; I genuinely enjoy my own company. I spend most of my time alone. This summer, if COVID allows, I'll be looking into networking groups around my creative interests. I keep myself very fit and am objectively attractive. All of these endeavors and work have been for my benefit, my life's fullness, and my self-esteem, and it's been an amazing period of growth. My life is full and wonderful. I'm not perfect, by any means. I've done and am doing the work.

    So, now? It's time for love. Now I'd like to find a partner. I'm not wasting any more time by taking time out. :-)

    Yes, I care about this person, but the only way to find what I'm looking for is to move on. I'll talk to my pastor or therapist in the meantime and will definitely do things to heal, but no more time outs for me. I've had 7 years of time out. I look around and see all types of people settling down, no matter what they look like or how many issues they have. I'm starting to realize that I don't have to be in this perfect space to find love. I just need to be honest, self-reflective, and open, and tell my matches what I'm looking for, I think.

    Wish me luck.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Good luck, nyghtfalls! You sound like you're in a good place. Communicate then. I think sometimes people are too afraid to communicate about what they want or shy or feeling bashful or ashamed of what they really want and are not able to handle. Be that burst of sunshine then and go brightly into everything you do. Don't let any dates intimidate you or squash that.

    Wishing you all the love and joy imaginable.

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