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Thread: Co-workers to Close Friends to Almost Lovers? to EMPTINESS

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't go after 'deeply flawed' men Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Didn't. :-) Fell for him. It happens sometimes. I'll keep firmer boundaries in the future. Thanks for your input!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nyghtfalls
    Didn't. :-) Fell for him. It happens sometimes. I'll keep firmer boundaries in the future. Thanks for your input!
    Take it easy. Enjoy your youth. This isn't the only man on earth.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nyghtfalls
    Didn't. :-) Fell for him. It happens sometimes. I'll keep firmer boundaries in the future. Thanks for your input!
    Exactly. He wouldn't have been able to step over boundaries if you didn't allow it. I get it, you were hoping. But knowledge is power. You can reserve yourself for someone who is truly right for you.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Exactly. He wouldn't have been able to step over boundaries if you didn't allow it. I get it, you were hoping. But knowledge is power. You can reserve yourself for someone who is truly right for you.
    I agree with this.

    You'll be just fine. Just know what you want and when things are not right for you.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Usually this happened to men! no seriously it's call being a cuddle %$&*ch. On the Ladder theory, it's when a guy who doesn't get sex, but other BF like activities like sleepovers, cuddling, spooning. Sound familiar? And you only do this in private, no one knows about it...They confide in you, etc. So this is where you are at.

    He only thought this was OK because you didn't disagree to it. So some of this falls on YOU, for letting it go this far without putting your foot down and ask what this is, and why is he doing it if there is no intention of a relationship. The red flags were there. BUT like a lot of us, we hope things would be different, that would this be the day it happens, the old wait and see, etc. He really had you emotionally tied.

    So now what? You have to go through withdrawals. Blame that dopamine! It will take some time, but if you don't cut yourself off from him, you will always struggle hard. This is preventing you from having someone else in your life that truly wants to be with you. It's not healthy to let this guy suck every life energy from you to feed your addiction to him. You do not need this guy in your life. It's beyond friendship, and there is no going back. I know it's like taking the bottle away, but you need to do this for your own good. Just say it's over so you can move on from this.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Smackie, does that word begin with a B? (I'm just trying to work it out as I am not sure, lol).

  9. #18

    Sooo... Update!

    Read and meditated on all the advice on this thread. (Thank you all!) And I took your advice and just packed it in and called it quits. Joined Bumble and am now being overwhelmed by the crazy of online dating.

    Then today happens. My "friend" calls me up. Apparently, while we'd been on break for the last week, he'd done some soul searching about what he really wanted in life (his words, not mine). He told his ex that he was moving on.

    Make of this what you will. I still don't know what to think, or why he thought this information might be important for ME to know, but he does want to meet up tomorrow.

    I dunno. Meanwhile, I continue to swipe right on Bumble.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    The thing is nyght, you still have valuable information about him that you are disregarding.

    His morals aren't so great. He will enter a situation where cheating is happening and he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. That's a crappy type of person.
    He did use you and he did try to make his ex jealous. He cared more about his and her feelings, than yours.

    He as well, pushed you away, more than once. And you became second choice more than once.

    These are not things you should just all of a sudden ignore and push under the rug just because he "did some soul searching"...which to me sounds bogus. It sounds more like, he knows he has no chance with the ex, so he comes back to his second choice.
    I would still tell him to get lost...you have to have more self worth than this. This guy is no good for you and never has been.

    Online dating can be a little bit messy, however at this point, just stick to chatting. No harm in that.
    And really, you just need to find one man who is decent, nice to you and respectful. Someone who genuinely likes YOU and isn't using you as second choice.
    I hope you will continue to search for a better man.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Ex probably told him no. So back to trusty old you.

    So just because he says some pretty words you're willing to forget everything he did?

    If you go running back he will not respect you. He will think he can do anything and you'll just come back for more.

    Please think about it before you allow things to go back to the way they were.

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