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Thread: The first year is supposed to be the hardest, but this canít be normal.

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry this is happening. I agree with Andrina. Please stop worrying what others think of you. Yes, there are men and women who have had to pull themselves out of situations that are not in their power to control. It doesn't speak about your worth as a person and your biggest priority is taking care of yourself. Your partner is not in the right frame of mind to take care of himself, let alone care for another person. Several of us have been in your shoes. You're going through a lot of shock, fear, pain and shame/guilt. It will take some time for you to understand all of it and put the pieces of your life back together. Don't expect it to be an overnight deal.

    Find a lawyer and keep things together. Things may be falling apart around you but hang onto your self-worth and know what's right for you. Listen closely to your instincts. They'll let you know when you're being manipulated or something isn't right. Be cautious in anything you say or do around him from now onwards and bring up any issues with your lawyer. Write things down if there are events that happen on a daily or weekly basis. This is a form of record-keeping through the excruciating pain you may be feeling.

    Look into therapy or even group therapy if that helps you. It didn't help me much, unfortunately, but friends sure did help - people who've known me a very, very long time. Do you have friends you can trust?

    Have faith in yourself regardless of what happens. Don't keep putting yourself in damaging situations or being around individuals who hurt or abuse you in any way, mentally, emotionally or physically.

    Having an open mind helps also. You may want certain things in life but you're inadvertently closing the door on other opportunities. Be open to more than just restarting or getting married again. Things will come together slowly once you're back on your own two feet and have the quiet and space to grow your own way again.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    There will be times that you will doubt the choice you made to leave. But that's only because you have a good heart. He treated you like you didn't mean anything and was very bad to you.
    There is no one here that would have kept on. Divorce is the only solution to all of this.

    Don't allow guilt to play on your mind. He is a grown man and had free will to make the choices he made. He created a life of chaos, money problems, and placing his marriage last in line. He didn't respect you, love you, or take care of you. Those were his choices. Don't ever feel bad for taking care of yourself and walking away.

    It will take time before you feel confident in your decision and where you won't feel bad or doubt. But you are doing the right thing in leaving. To stay, would only have caused you much more damage and heartache.

  3. #23
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    Hello everyone.

    Just wanted to update you all that I have moved out and am finally taking the proper steps towards divorcing my husband. As expected, things got a lot worse and at this point every bridge is burnt. He keeps contacting me going back and forth about wanting to be with me and not wanting to ďgive up who he is as a personĒ (a gambler?). This is really really hard. I donít even miss him, I just wish I would have gotten out before things got too far. He is trying to screw me over in every way possible, but I am keeping my head up. Giving up my material things will be worth it in the long run and thankfully he let me take the cats. I know things arenít going to be better for a while, but if thereís anyone out there who is questioning their marriage on a daily basis, please follow your instincts. Some people arenít capable of empathy and change. Do whatís best for you, no matter what challenges it may cause. Thank you all for your words of support.

  4. #24
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    Good for you! Things will get better.

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  6. #25
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    Sometimes things don't work out and the healthiest choice is to walk away. Keep focusing on you and things will get better eventually.

  7. #26
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    You're headed in the right direction-- One day at a time.

    Please keep us posted...

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I'm sorry it didn't work out. But when someone has an addiction, there is literally nothing you can do. They have to want to get help and they are the one who has to want to change.

    It doesn't sound like your husband is ready to take those steps, and until he does, he will continue on in this cycle of addiction.

    You've tried everything you could, but I am still sorry that it turned out this way. I hope you have the support you need.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FairyFail
    Hello everyone.

    Just wanted to update you all that I have moved out and am finally taking the proper steps towards divorcing my husband. As expected, things got a lot worse and at this point every bridge is burnt. He keeps contacting me going back and forth about wanting to be with me and not wanting to ďgive up who he is as a personĒ (a gambler?). This is really really hard. I donít even miss him, I just wish I would have gotten out before things got too far. He is trying to screw me over in every way possible, but I am keeping my head up. Giving up my material things will be worth it in the long run and thankfully he let me take the cats. I know things arenít going to be better for a while, but if thereís anyone out there who is questioning their marriage on a daily basis, please follow your instincts. Some people arenít capable of empathy and change. Do whatís best for you, no matter what challenges it may cause. Thank you all for your words of support.
    Glad you are taking care of yourself. This is the hardest part but you can get through it. Yes, do keep us posted and stay safe.

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