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Thread: The first year is supposed to be the hardest, but this canít be normal.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    So you missed red flags or married a man you thought you knew, but really didn't. Many of us have found ourselves in bad situations. Stop worrying about what others will think of you when they find out your marriage failed. The only thing the people who love you will care about is your happiness, and that means you have to leave a man who isn't a partner worthy of you.

    For now, take him off of all the credit cards you've added him to. If you have a bank account you added him as a co-owner to, remove him. Have yourself removed from his credit cards. It doesn't mean you won't be liable for any debt owed while you've been a couple, but it's a start to begin separating yourself from him, and divorcing him will ensure his further debt after that point will be his alone.

    Feeling trapped means he's not the right person for you. When you meet the right person, you will feel a warm, fuzzy feeling, thinking of growing old together. Fell lucky you've caught this in time instead of years later, where the debt might've piled so high, you'd spend a lifetime paying it off.

  2. #12
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    Get out! This guy has had a problem for a long time! He is also abusive. Your marriage is horrible!

    For some reason you think this will change. What would you advise a sibling or best friend in this situation?

    Seek an attorney and end this! If your finances are not separate, do it now. I also suggest you seek some therapy for yourself, as the relationship is highly toxic.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-27-2020 at 12:14 PM.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    Don't feel like damaged goods! He's not the same man you married. I have a gf who was married for a very short time....got divorced, don't remember the reason. Met a man and married him after a short time! I was concerned. Been happily married for over 30 years and have a house on the river! We never even think of that first marriage. It's like it never happened. Move on...you're young, before he drags you down further!

  4. #14
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    Are you sure he's not hiding other addictions as well?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    This has happened to other women. He just didn't have a gambling addiction over night, he has always had it, but he hid it very well. It's been one big lie. Kick his a$$ to the curb. If people talk just tell them what happened. Get a good lawyer, clear out your accounts, cancel your credit cards and gather up all the evidence before handing him the papers.
    Last edited by smackie9; 06-27-2020 at 12:53 PM.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to talk to a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. This does not make you damaged goods, as you call yourself. You made a mistake. You cant spend the rest of your life living like this, you need to get away from this guy. He's a gambling addict and unless and until he hits bottom and decides to do something about it, nothing will change. Get out while you can.

  8. #17
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    You really have to stop looking at this as a failure -- you were completely snowballed and in you are in an untenable position. Also, I have SEVERAL friends who had very brief first marriages (less than a year to three years) who have had long, extremely successful second marriages with children and love and the ability to communicate and work through problems. You can do this too. Don't waste your youth and your life on someone who doesn't care about the relationship and abuses you.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to cut your losses. Something gamblers don't know how to do either.

  10. #19
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    Thank you all so much for your help. Iím looking into lawyers, I will keep you all updated.

    Canít explain how much it means to me that you all took the time to read and to help me. Iím going to look into counselling as well as I agree that I shouldnít have let it get to this point, and I feel like I will need help mentally to get through this.

    I will stay strong. Iím done letting him manipulate me. Iím going to try to update this post regularly to stay on track with my goals.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by arjumand
    You really have to stop looking at this as a failure -- you were completely snowballed and in you are in an untenable position. Also, I have SEVERAL friends who had very brief first marriages (less than a year to three years) who have had long, extremely successful second marriages with children and love and the ability to communicate and work through problems. You can do this too. Don't waste your youth and your life on someone who doesn't care about the relationship and abuses you.
    I'm one who married young and I left after about 3 years. It was not what I signed up for. Also, like most young marrieds, I didn't know what I didn't know. Too young to get married. I did remarry and have been married for 37 years. Don't waste your life trying to fix what you cant fix. He has to decide to get help for his addiction.

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