Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 23

Thread: Me and her are living in a completely different world and it`s tearing me apart

  1. #11
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    152
    Originally Posted by poorlittlefish
    You've been with this woman for "many years" and you're still having sex once a week?! There are millions out there who'd say you're actually doing pretty well! If you'd said it was only once every few months then I'd understand, but once a week is not in any way unusual. If this isn't enough for you then end the relationship, but good luck in trying to find another woman who'll give you kinky sex on demand for "many years".
    I have never been into usual life. I have lived my life my own way, not thinking what people like or don`t like in general, and tried my best in seeking out same-minded friends and women who enjoy the same things I do.
    For me having sex once a week is just a symptom of living out a boring life. I think sex is the complete opposite of boredom. It makes you feel alive, everytime.
    I have hard time understanding if there really is no women who feel the same way about sex as I do on this planet. Rly? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    152
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    It doesn't matter how I take it.

    It matters that your girlfriend doesn't see the situation the same way you do, either.

    That is why your relationship is crumbling. You two are very incompatible on a significant level. You don't see things her way, and she doesn't see things your way. Stay if you want, but get control over your emotions. And don't cheat; I hope you didn't decide to go through with that ill-advised idea.
    But you know I truly believed she saw the world the same way as I did. Was I wrong? I don`t think so. She has changed, and I would like to know why.. :( When we met we were the most compatible thing ever, and even right now we still are if you just forget about sex. She is my best friend in life also, and I`m hers. She feels this way for me too. What does not show in my thread(s) is the fact that besides this issue we have a good relationship. We fall asleep holding each other every night, and she cuddles me still when I wake up despite of this all..

    I`m trying to get hold of my emotions.. it`s just incredibly hard sometimes. I have not decided to cheat, but at the same time I don`t understand how can she expect me not to at this rate..

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,975
    “ I just don`t understand how can someone expect loyalty from her man, after taking away his sex life while basically being completely aware of it with the information she had about me? To me this is just as wrong as cheating, yet I´m not cheating“

    She did NOT take away your sex life. You have sex once a week after 4 years which is more than average.

    You claim to love her yet fail to love her. Why is that? If you loved her you would not perceive sex once a week as her denying you or taking your sex life away?

    If you want a dom / sub relationship, then end your current relationship and pursue one that suits you.

    In your opinion you are denied a sex life you want, in my opinion you are basically wanting her to give you a sex life you feel you deserve irrespective of her wants or wishes .

    You don’t care about her sex life , body etc.
    That is not love.

    Do her a favour and end it.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,373
    Originally Posted by 4dvz
    But you know I truly believed she saw the world the same way as I did. Was I wrong? I don`t think so. She has changed, and I would like to know why.. :(.
    You're being unrealistic if you expect things to remain the same as they were in the beginning. Yes, things can change. Desire ebbs and flows. Life gets in the way. Sometimes the passion will be there, other times it won't be. You and she have very different views on the importance of sex; there's no way around it.

    If you've talked about it and it hasn't improved in a way that satisfies both of you (and not just you), yet you're determined to remain the relationship, you really need to quit complaining about it.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,052
    Gender
    Male
    Anger, drinking and entitlement are not aphrodisiacs.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,700
    You're actually quite selfish. This is all you, you, you... How could she not expect you to cheat? Really?

    People do change. Which is completely different than the saying, people don't change. But there is a nuance to each of those statements that make them both true. Ou either understand that or you don't.

    Have you ever talked to her about what you can do to help her feel beautiful and sexy? She's not an object you bought and now all these years later, she's not performing the same.

    I imagine your drinking, anger and behavior has impacted her. One thing an ex of mine never realized... Every time he was out of control angry, drunk or not, he would apologize later and I would forgive.... But I loved him a little less. I respected a little less. Until one day, it was gone.

    Take some ownership and put in the work to fix things or end it. Those are the choices....

  8. #17
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    180
    Sex drive can change for all sorts of reasons. Not necessarily in one direction either. Sometimes people have lower sex drive for a period and later it bounces back. I for one am feeling less sexual in the past few months due to what's happening around us. It's not that I no longer find my bf desirable or want to have sex, but the sadness and stress is really messing with my mood a lot of the time. It's certainly much easier to get aroused when life is more carefree.

    Of course, incompatibility or other issues in relationship can also diminish the desire for sex with a certain partner. Then the lack of sex would be a symptom of bigger problems. But if the relationship is otherwise good, most people don't treat sex as the center of their life such that if they can't have sex exactly when and how they want it their world is falling apart. It would be nice that the two partners' sex drive always exactly match with one another, but more likely there would be times where one person wants to have sex more than their partner. You said you love her way more than you love sex - if that's the case, most people find ways to release in other ways (not cheating, unless you are in an open relationship) and work together to maximize mutual satisfaction and minimize sexual frustration. Does it help if you get intimate in other ways than penetrative sex? Do you feel she's not showing enough affection physically or verbally?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,373
    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I imagine your drinking, anger and behavior has impacted her. One thing an ex of mine never realized... Every time he was out of control angry, drunk or not, he would apologize later and I would forgive.... But I loved him a little less. I respected a little less. Until one day, it was gone.
    This is very accurate.

    I dated a guy who had an anger-management problem. He was objectively very attractive, and we had great chemistry in the beginning. But over time, as I saw this angry side of him, I grew very turned off by him. His nasty words said in random fits of anger took a toll and I didn't want to be intimate with him anymore. I just felt nothing for him.

    I would bet dollars to doughnuts this has had a serious impact on your girlfriend, OP, whether or not she admits it to you (or even herself). The very fact that you tried to justify your bad behaviour early in this very thread by blaming her fading sexual appetite tells me you still don't really get it.

  10. #19
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    180
    Originally Posted by 4dvz
    For me having sex once a week is just a symptom of living out a boring life. I think sex is the complete opposite of boredom. It makes you feel alive, everytime.
    I have hard time understanding if there really is no women who feel the same way about sex as I do on this planet. Rly?
    If having sex more often than once a week is definitely required for you to feel you're not living a boring life... it might be worthwhile to explore if anything else in your life makes you feel excited and fulfilled, or in your words, "alive." I love sex but I would be worried if sex is the only thing that makes my life not boring. By that point you become a slave of your sexual desire, instead of the master of it. If that's how you feel then you'll probably find only sex addicts who feel the same way about sex as you, which I'm sure there are plenty on this planet.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,943
    Gender
    Female
    If this is what you want and need then find someone who is into an open relationship rather than fight against the current.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Videos


How To Overcome A Divorce

Love Hormone Oxytocin Improves Stressful Relationships

Forgiveness Does Not Always Solve Relationship Problems

Too Much Commitment Can Destroy Romantic Relationship

Why Is It So Hard To Quit Smoking?

TV Romance Can Ruin Real-Life Relationships
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •