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Thread: She’s still in love with me, but doesn’t see us getting back

  1. #1

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    She’s still in love with me, but doesn’t see us getting back

    Basically we’ve been together for two years, one year we were leaving together until she moved out to be independent. She even asked me to stay with her on the weekends. We were on a break when she officially ended it. Simply because I over stepped boundaries by showing up at her place uninvited whenever we would have an argument over the phone. I know it’s wrong. We were on a break because we argued a lot and never saw eye to eye so we thought some space could help both us think long term how to fix our problems. Obviously I ed up during the break which made her realize I’m never going to change. I have a tendency of making fights bigger than it actually is and always so desperate to talk things out even when she just wants to be left alone. I know I need to work in those things. In general we treat each other quite well, when we’re good we’re great but when we’re bad we’re horrible to each other. We bring the worst out in each other when we argue and have the ugliest fights. It reminds her of her parents and so she doesn’t want that and doesn’t see us getting back together because she believes it will continue. For 3 weeks I’ve been trying my best to listen to her and do everything right so she will see I’m making an effort in changing. I don’t want to go back to how I use to be and argue all the time. I even started therapy again to help.

    What can I do to help her move past the hurt I’ve caused and show her I am changing for real and not for show? I love her we both agree we’re each other’s soulmates but she’s afraid to get back together.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus on therapy. get to the root of the emotional abuse and controlling behaviors. Give her space. Did she move back home? Do not show up at her place. Stop worrying about proving you've changed. Just focus on why things get this ugly.
    Originally Posted by Geealia
    B I over stepped boundaries by showing up at her place uninvited whenever we would have an argument over the phone.

    We bring the worst out in each other when we argue and have the ugliest fights.

    I don’t want to go back to how I use to be and argue all the time. I even started therapy again to help.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Geealia
    What can I do to help her move past the hurt I’ve caused and show her I am changing for real and not for show? I love her we both agree we’re each other’s soulmates but she’s afraid to get back together.
    Sometimes it's just not possible, OP. There are times when it's too damaged to put back together, and one party has lost all desire to even try anymore.

    But your best shot is to leave her alone entirely. Work on you. She might not change her mind, and this break-up might be permanent. But you will be in a better place regardless, if you do the heavy lifting you feel you need to do to get yourself sorted out. If you two don't find your way back to each other, you will at least be in a happier and healthier place to one day meet someone else.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    TBH some just don't get past the hurt. 3 weeks or even 3 months of therapy isn't going to get you to where you need to be. You have a long road ahead of you.

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  6. #5
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    You two brought out the worst in each other because you one of you two didn't know when to stop and the other had to get the last word. Arguments sometimes tend to go there.

    So a few things for you. 1. you cant correct or take back a wrong action. Its just not possible to go back in time and rethink.. "should I go to her house?". You probably thought that what you were doing was wrong, but your need to be right took over. 2. You cant show her that you have changed. Changing your behavior takes time and by the time you do change, if you do, then its going to be too late and odds are each of you have moved on. 3. You must learn from your mistakes. If you knew what you did was going to be a mistake then ask yourself why did you do it? If you know what you did was a mistake then ask yourself what did you learn from it? 4. Then don't make mistake in your next relationship. That's how you make your amends. Your X might not ever see your change, but this is how you settle things with your mind. If there is a fight or the same situation in the future. You slow down, take a breath and think "If I do this, how will this affect the future?"

    We are not perfect. You are not perfect, your X isn't, even the next girl you meet wont be perfect either. We all have flaws but you have to find someone that accepts you for yours and you accept them for theirs. If you really really want to learn why you do what you do, then look into counseling. A few sessions could really help you and you and your future partner will benefit from them.

  7. 06-29-2020, 04:41 PM


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