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Thread: Hearing about and meeting an Ex

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck
    Could you please elaborate
    You are expecting her to be something she is not.

    Look at the whole person. She is honest with you. The rest is up to you.

  2. #12
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    Should I tell her how much this has been bothering me or just let it be.

    We likely will not keep dating long distance

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You've already had this conversation with her.

    It will cause more pain between the both of you. She has to work on herself. Don't take it out on her.

    Let her go.

  4. #14
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    I think it's fine that she's friends with exes. The problem is she's keeping them around -and oversharing -not because she cares about them or you but to get that validation and that thrill of trying to make you jealous and insecure and have power over you.

    I also love the food analogy above, and I agree. Let her go.

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  6. #15
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    Let this one go! Not gf material. She is messed up!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by firstluvstruck
    Should I tell her how much this has been bothering me or just let it be.

    We likely will not keep dating long distance
    Agree with Rose. You've had the talk, and she's listenedóbest she can. Accept that her best is exactly that, while sadly not being something that brings out your best.

    Back to the food stuff. You've gone to the restaurant, many times, trying everything on the menu. You even did that awkward thing where you told the waiter the food was undercooked, and he said he'd have the kitchen work on it. Alas, it still wasn't cooked right. Decor is nice, as is the waitstaff, but the food doesn't quite taste right or sit well. Do you go rant on Yelp, or do you find a better place to eat?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I don't even know why you enjoy her company, because her discussions regularly focus on one area that is both boring and upsetting. There's a lot more to choosing a longterm partner than just her looks.

    Plus, she ignored your wishes of keeping that info to herself because you are repelled by that info. That's uncaring behavior.

    Yes, it's important to find out about a person's relationship past, but only in brief, general terms, not info of every man she's ever slept with and the details about that.

    I agree with the majority that you should start your new adventure without her.

  9. #18
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    Well regarding oversharing about sex with past partners, I don't think that's good. I think it's in poor taste. Even if I talk about sexual things I've done or like doing to a partner, I wouldn't say who I did it with or give any details about the actual ex.

    Is she good friends with those two ex's? Does she actually hang out with them? It's hard regarding the ex's situation because sometimes people keep in touch with ex's, but they aren't that close and don't spend much time together. I keep in touch with an ex, we broke up six years ago. However I hardly ever speak to them, I just have them on Facebook and occasionally they come to my parties or mutual friends' parties. That ex has been with a new partner for 3.5 years. I am actually good friends with an ex FWB, not a serious ex. Mostly I hang out with him in a group. The FWB with him ended three years ago. To be honest I wouldn't end my friendship with my ex FWB because he is actually a good friend and he's a really nice guy.

    I think it depends if you can really trust this girl and that she's not doing anything wrong with those ex's. I mean, if she's not attracted to that sleazy ex anymore, she won't necessarily want to do anything with him. If he starts hitting on her though then I think you would have grounds to ask her to distance from him.

    Do you have strong feelings for this girl? Can you picture being with her in the future? I think if you like her a lot and she hasn't flirted or done anything wrong with those ex's, then that doesn't necessarily have to be the sole reason to end it. However if you're not really sure about this girl anyway and you're also moving away, you might want to consider ending it.

  10. #19
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    I took a nap and feel better - not as riled up as before. I can't remember why exactly I felt so bad this morning. I mean I remember why, but not how it got to me so much. Maybe I'm distancing myself already.

    I do have my doubts about her as a life partner aside from this. Sometimes I feel our energies are different - as if we aren't on the same page and don't think similarly. And tbh, this is truly why I wouldn't try long distance. We just don't have a strong enough foundation (and no concrete plan for being in the same city any time soon) to attempt something long distance.
    We have spent a lot a lot of time together during quarantine, but still not enough time and enough experiences in different settings.

    So then one may ask why am I even letting this get to me? I guess we are somewhat close. I do care about her. I am/was offended. And a small part of me was open to the idea of trying to keep it going.

    I don't know how much they actually hang out or talk. The sleezy ex is part of the same friends circle, but not sure how often they hang alone or talk one on one.

    What gets me is if he's always been so sleezy why has she kept him around as a friend. Because they are part of the same circle and that is just easier?? She even said he's been in love with her for years. Keeping around for validation?
    Ugh I guess I really do have too high of expectations. And don't understand what it's like to have always dated in extended friend circles. Nevertheless, definitely still in bad taste and disrespectful to give me TMI.

  11. #20
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    You have gotten a lot of solid advice, either you chose to hear it, or you don't.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-27-2020 at 11:52 AM.

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