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Thread: Why this he vanish like that ? Needing opinions

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I read somewhere and it really stuck with me:

    When someone likes you, you'll know. If you're confused, then assume they aren't interested.

    We can get too involved in our own feelings for someone and creating a narrative that explains that they really are interested. But instead we really should examine, as an outside observer, what is actually happening. See the clear signs of non-interest, like inconsistency.

    It's definitely hurtful that he pulled back. I'm sorry. Don't beat yourself up. be kind to yourself. and chalk it up to livin' and learnin'.

    Take this time to heal and decide what you really want... you can't be passive about what you want, what making out for 20 minutes and ultimately sex means to you. Then expect another person to be on your same page. How are they supposed to know?

    Sometimes we're so ready to blame another for being a player, using us, or whatever, but its on us to set boundaries. being truthful about yourself. If its not casual to you, don't be afraid to say it.

    If you lose a guy over being yourself, its better than sacrificing yourself for them. It is what is. A leopard doesn't change its spots

    When we know better, we do better. (hugs) Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    I read somewhere and it really stuck with me:

    When someone likes you, you'll know. If you're confused, then assume they aren't interested.
    I agree with this.

    He's not interested. It's hard to tell whether he was in it for sex or to get laid. He could have just been going along with it and living in the moment, then realized it's you and he's not interested in pursuing anything more with you. It's a terrible and rude thing to do especially considering he knew about all your doubts and hesitations.

    You seem very afraid and vulnerable too. Take a step back and don't put yourself out there if you don't feel comfortable around someone with whom you have a track history of feeling uncomfortable around!

    It's difficult to be around someone who is nervous, afraid and uncomfortable. It's emotionally draining if he has to help you fear him less.

    Work on your self-confidence and learn to experience in the moment and let go if you need to let go. Try and get centered somehow - have an unshakable faith in yourself that regardless you will be fine.

    I think you placed too much expectations on this person due to your shared past and knowing him from before. If you're going to rekindle anything with an old friend or an old flame, start over and take it as if they're a stranger. You're two separate people with individual lives.

    Be cautious and have fun. Work on your self-esteem a bit more. This will smooth out. Don't let it get to you.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter why he's vanished. Thinking about it won't do you any good, trust me. Block his name, his number, everything...and move on. I know it's easier said than done but it's the only way to deal with people like him.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Because to him, you were just a romp in the hay. He got what he wanted, grew tired of you and has since moved on.

    In the future, get to know a guy for a long time and go slower when establishing a relationship with him. Build trust and learn character first and foremost.

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  6. #15
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why you chose to continue sleeping with him, despite the glaring red flags. Of course I understand your pain, but you need to own your part in this, as well.

    Having sex right off the bat doesn't seal the deal, just as skipping the emotional/getting to know you phase is likely to demote you into the run of the mill FWB's situation. Lesson learned?

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