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Thread: Am I wasting my time?

  1. #41
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This may be severely limiting your chances and your mindset. Perhaps you are seeking out damaged goods because you don't have your life in order to date seriously.
    Originally Posted by Needtobelove
    I am not sure why they haven't but she will not be returning to Canada and yes divorce papers should be filed but with that said I've been legally separated for 5 years and I have not done the divorce yet

  2. #42
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    I'm not looking to marry and get settled down I don't think I will ever get married again all I'm looking for is somebody that I can be compatible with whether it's him or not I don't know. What I do know is that everyone does crave some level of attention or affection and maybe I've just been giving him too much that doesn't allow him to breathe or to grow or to be that person that can feel comfortable with the way our relationship is going so the best thing for me to do is to kind of pull back a little bit and do more things for myself instead of focussing on him

  3. #43
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Do your dates usually consist of you going to his place?

    Why doesn't he go to your place? Or pick you up and take you for a drive?

  4. #44
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    When this pandemic hit everything came to a halt we spend time at each other's homes and when there was no pandemic we would go out now that our community is reopening hopefully we will be able to do that as I mentioned he likes to do things together like going to the gym or going fishing or doing other activities

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is a good plan. Even if he is emotionally/affectionately constipated, smothering someone tends to make them push back. Just like he is stepping back from it.

    In general, it should feel more balanced. Stay busy with friends, family, your interests, career, etc. Are there financial or other reason the divorces (yours or his) were never finalized?
    Originally Posted by Needtobelove
    maybe I've just been giving him too much that doesn't allow him to breathe or to grow or to be that person that can feel comfortable with the way our relationship is going so the best thing for me to do is to kind of pull back a little bit and do more things for myself instead of focussing on him

  7. #46
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    OP, it is utterly normal to want affection. There is absolutely nothing strange or wrong about that.
    Indeed all too often there is little enough affection around.

    Affection can mean different things to different people, of course.

    I am a little puzzled OP. You remarked earlier that this man speaks on the phone with his not-yet-ex. Considering that she destroyed him financially (how and to what extent) I find it odd that he would even wish to bid her the time of day. Just wondering.
    If someone destroyed me financially, or any other way, I'd be seeing the divorce lawyer at the speed of light.
    And the bottom line is OP, as you said:

    "...ultimately I just have somebody who has spent his entire life by himself who does not know how to have a proper relationship".

    I fear that at 50 he won't change OP.

    And you headed your thread: "Am I Wasting my Time"? a question to this forum.

    I would answer "yes" to your question.
    Last edited by LaHermes; 06-24-2020 at 04:01 PM.

  8. #47
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes this makes no sense. As long as they are legally married they have joint assets, so his 'financial ruin' story makes no sense. Also why is he chitchatting with her while you are there?

    Do you believe his broken phone story? That too is odd. It sounds like you are so focused on the attention/affection aspect of this you are overlooking some other red flags.
    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    You remarked earlier that this man speaks on the phone with his not-yet-ex. Considering that she destroyed him financially (how and to what extent) I find it odd that he would even wish to bid her the time of day. If someone destroyed me financially, or any other way, I'd be seeing the divorce lawyer at the speed of light.

  9. #48
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    My separation was legally separated which means that all of our possession and everything has been sorted out so our divorce really won't cost us much to just get that finalized he is on the other hand I think she has got some severe debt incurred that he is now responsible for I don't know how it works as they were married overseas and are now in Canada or he is and she is now back overseas so I don't know how the paperwork goes over there because it happened in Europe

  10. #49
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    Phone is definitely broken set me a photo of it honestly this man does not lie about anything he is about as forthcoming and honest as he possibly can be I never have to worry that there are any excuses or lies coming out of his mouth

  11. #50
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    The other partner has stage 4 cancer he speaks with her when she calls but other than that he has no communication with her

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