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Thread: Falling in love with the most unexpected guy at the "taking a break" phase? whaa

  1. #1
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    Falling in love with the most unexpected guy at the "taking a break" phase? whaa

    Hello!!
    I want to thank everyone for the advice that I was given here all these years. It means a lot to me to have a place where I can really speak how I truly feel.
    I dont want to write much so here it is.
    I was in a relationship with a man for 5 years. It was really tough especially in the beggining since he was a very introverted person and emotionally unavailiable and took almost 2 years for him to express his feelings and give me the love I needed as a woman. This made the whole relationship up to that point very exhausting to me, but I kept having hope that things will be fixed. And I was right things got a lot better as time passed. This past year we had to live in different cities, and try long distance even though I have failed at this before (its not for me). I was sure about him that he is the man I want to marry and start a family. All was good exept he is struggling with depression and anxiety (I am too), and this destroyed our sex life. I am only 26 and for the past 4 years I only had sex once a month and I kept being sexually rejected from him. Still I though I should carry on believing in him.
    He visited just before quarantine and got stuck at my city and it was the worse thing ever. I got extremely anxious I felt I had no space, and freaked out. I was thinking about breaking up or taking a break and I talked to him about it and he kind of agreed to taking a break even though he repeatdly said he needs me and loves me and does not want to.
    I just felt I needed time and space for myself after all this.

    Long stoyr short since last year that I moved here I reconnected with some old friends and made some new ones. I met a guy through one of my friends with which I were having a nice time everytime we met as a group. We have been friends for six months almost and it just hit me overnight. I dont know what got into me I could not stop thinking about him. Anyway we all went to a festival together and we kissed. He has been attracted to me since the first time he saw me but he knew I was in a relationship so he did not do anything. I could not hold myself from him. Its been 2 months now I see him almost everyday and the sex is amazing and I am falling in love too fast for what I am used to. He is not the kind of guy I usually pick. He is the good, loving and sensitive type, and I have never been with a guy like that. My friends say that its just a rebound and I will be soon bored and go back to my boyfriend and I will leave him broken hearted. They say I am just fixing the holes my boyfriend (or ex-bf) left and as soon as I am full I will leave. I dont know how to tell them what I feel for him. They dont believe me. I dont even know what is the truth anymore. Whats worse is that I feel like I should have taken some time for myself and really see If I want to be with my bf again or completely end things, and not complicate it with a thrid person. I am really confused.
    Why did this happen? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    This happened because you've spent the last 5 years of your life clinging to and forcing a bad relationship with the wrong person to work. Also, instead finally finding the guts to just end things cleanly, you made it murky with the whole "taking a break" thing. This is the universe telling you enough already. Let your ex go and move on. There are better men and a better life out there for you if you can at long last let go of the past.

    Your friends sound like they are pretty fed up with your bad decisions and clinging to a bad relationship, so they are out of patience for you. Doesn't mean that you can't turn your life around and finally start making better decisions for yourself. Meaning leave your ex in the past and move on forward in life.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. Don't worry about what everyone thinks. Just stop confiding this much in this group of people, hop out of that litter box.. Enjoy life.
    Originally Posted by Notmi
    Its been 2 months now I see him almost everyday and the sex is amazing and I am falling in love too fast for what I am used to.

    My friends say that its just a rebound and I will be soon bored and go back to my boyfriend and I will leave him broken hearted. They say I am just fixing the holes my boyfriend (or ex-bf) left and as soon as I am full I will leave.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    There is no point in wondering what you "should have" done. What is done is done. Your relationship was never a good one to begin with and you never felt trully satisfied with it, hence why it did not work out. It sounds like you were starved for intimacy for the majority of the time you spent in it. You chose to monkey branch from one person to the next, which is a very selfish and hurtful way to go about ending things. If you haven't done it already, the decent thing to do now is to contact your ex and make the break up final so that he can move on with his life instead of waiting around for you. Do not tell him about the new guy as this will hurt his healing. As for the new guy, it may or may not work out. Only time will tell. Imo, there is no way to tell for sure how it will unfold and you should not take your friends' opinions seriously. Getting back with your ex after getting with this guy would not end well imo.

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  6. #5
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    Hi, the last three years of my decade long relationship I was starved for intimacy of any kind. So I naturally accepted dating anybody just to be held, kissed and touched. I know what that feels like but I also know the consequences of moving too fast and too soon. In the beginning itís a rush but eventually your ex and those unresolved feelings will catch up to you.

    I say to just keep things light if possible and to be careful. Donít put the cart before the horse with the new guy. Take it slow.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    ^Agree.

    You've got a lot of unpacking and thinking and processing to do. End it with the old relationship. It's not working. Be honest with yourself and your ex.

    Be single for awhile and take your sweet time getting to know people.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Why did this happen? Because you let it. You probably need to figure yourself out.....

    Could you go back to your ex? Maybe.

    Could you stay with this guy & live happily ever after? Maybe

    Could you end things with both and do something else? Maybe

    My point is, you gotta live your life to see how it turns out. But it's not that easy. You have to make good choices.

    I would slow down. Be more deliberate and thoughtful in your actions.

    Look inside for the answers. Not the drama and excitement of your friends. you are dealing with an "innocent guy," in your soup of emotions. You want to put not hurting others ahead of the fun and rush of a new relationship.

    Where you are splitting time in thoughts & feeling conflicted. He may be fully focused on you and the fun... A heady experience that does not see you are even thinking about the ex BF. Do more to protect his feelings.

    Does your ex BF (or whatever he is) know you are dating and sleeping with someone else? Is that a break or a break up? This limbo here, if it is limbo, is a problem.

    Does new guy know you are not sure how you feel? Also a problem.

    Be careful sleeping with two guys. Use condoms. With such open relations, you really have no idea who they are also sleeping with. And do not get pregnant. Just so we're clear women are just as free as men, to have sex whenever or with whoever they want... Just be smart. As a woman, obviously you will be the pregnant one. Everyone knows that. Not everyone knows women are also more susceptible to std/sti, especially hpv.


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