Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 25

Thread: went on a mini holiday with my crush & now struggling with feelings/what to do

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,911
    Gender
    Female
    Who goes on a trip with someone from work they have a crush on who has a boyfriend or is in the process of breaking up plus one friend as a buffer?
    That only inflicts torture on yourself.
    I would do my best to distance yourself. be cordial at work, but no trips, or no spending time with her and a beer to listen to her cry in her beer about a guy.
    Find women to date where you don't need beer to talk to them. When you have things in common, it will come more naturally..

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,461
    Gender
    Male
    She may not want to date heavy drinkers or party boys after coming out of a bad situation. Stop buzzing around in the friend zone. Back off, respect yourself and clean up your act

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,250
    Gender
    Female
    I asked her for a proper date and she said "maybe but i've kind of got a situation" but later that night was upset over her ex.

    Speaking as a woman, if there was a reason I had to turn down an invitation, but reconsidered at a later date, in my opinion, the ball is in my court to do the asking. A woman who is into you doesn't let opportunities pass her by. Most are also intuitive on who is interested. She doesn't need to be told that by anyone, including you.

    You took a risk and it didn't pan out. I've taken risks that didn't work out either. A lot of the time, you find out later why that was for the best. I know I once briefly dated a guy who was really interesting, but I never achieved a comfort level with him. When I met my husband, we were really comfortable together almost instantly. Fate has someone else in store for you, just as it did for me.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    14,833
    Maybe she wasn't crazy about the fact that you were mostly drunk during the mini holiday and it put her off.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,677
    Gender
    Female
    Was everyone/most people including her drinking though?

    Sounds like a typical enough weekend, people having a good time.

    I don't think she's into you though. I'm sorry to say that. The worst part is I don't think it's you!

    She's still getting over her ex and it sounds just exactly as she says... There's this... "situation".

    It doesn't seem that anything's changed after two months. Let it be for now, laugh about it, hang out as friends, let go of all that pressure.

    I think it's for the best that the both of you cool it and enjoy your company as friends. Take your time. Enjoy.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    28
    Sorry few things i was unclear about

    The original time i asked for a date she had broken up for a few months already but just seen her ex for the first time since, and he called her that night and she was upset about it (i don't know much of the details but it was a real situation). I left it for a couple months but now in total it's been coming up to a year since the break up and she's completely over it.

    The drinking although i agree it's not helping me come across well, we're all in our 20's and whenever we have met up everyone there has been drinking casually and having fun, so I would sorta be the odd one out if i didn't drink at all. With me being quite shy if i'm sober with a group of people drinking having fun i'm most likely going to sit there barely speaking all night lol.

    Andrina yeah that makes sense, although after the night I asked, I pretty much distanced myself completely for a couple months didn't speak at all so could've looked like I wasn't interested anymore, as i didn't wanna be a rebound. Even though it was kind of a rejection I was still pretty confident I had a shot at this time, felt a lot of chemistry still walked her home after the night etc.. but now i think i've messed it up and feels a lot different.

    Dancingfool Yeah I am neck deep in assumptions haha and i over analyse everything, I don't know for sure if she was ever interested, or what's been said to her, in future I will try be more direct and face fear of rejection as it's much more painful in the long run like this haha.


    We are meeting again this weekend with a group of people I am going to give the not drinking or barely drinking a try and try and improve my social confidence without relying on alcohol, as well as try to bond with her a little better.


    Thanks everyone for the advice!

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,461
    Gender
    Male
    Good idea to try to develop social skills without getting drunk. You need to pull back. She already told you that she is not ready to date. So the message is loud and clear that she doesn't want this weight on her shoulders.

  9. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    28
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Good idea to try to develop social skills without getting drunk. You need to pull back. She already told you that she is not ready to date. So the message is loud and clear that she doesn't want this weight on her shoulders.
    yep worth a shot. Well it was a "maybe" and that was about 6 months ago now so i think she's ready to date just with the right guy haha

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,911
    Gender
    Female
    I think she considers you "one of the group" only. And its really messy when someone is sort of dating someone or has a "situation". You may appear to her wanting to be the guy who is waiting in the wings for a quick rebound or she knows you like her, so it strokes her ego

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,461
    Gender
    Male
    It would be best to leave her alone unless she comes to you.
    Originally Posted by whatthe32
    I asked her for a proper date and she said "maybe but i've kind of got a situation" but later that night was upset over her ex.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Videos


Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity

Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •