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Thread: Dealing with abuse and guilt

  1. #41
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I really hope that you are still reading or will come around at some point and read it.

    This man was a walking flashing neon red flag the size of China long before child molestation came up. Being an untreated, emphasis added on untreated, bipolar was your first clue to run for the hills. Bipolar people are not child molesters, that's a whole other level of effed up, however, the mood swings, impulsiveness, drama, the abusiveness that often accompanies this disorder....that right there makes him an unfit partner. If you were just a single woman, you can take your chances, think you are strong enough to handle that, etc. However, as a parent you have bigger responsibilities, starting with not exposing your child to that kind mental instability. Even those who are on treatment can be a nightmare as a partner.

    There are a myriad of other red flags as well. The moment he started to get controlling, abusive toward you, you should have left him.

    Your response is "I'm an empath". Empath is nothing but a buzzword, an excuse for you not seeking treatment for your personal issues, trauma, codependence, and so on. You are surprised that you picked another toxic partner, but what have you done to fix yourself and your picker? If you just run away and hide from well earned criticism, brush off your bad choices with buzzwords, it's only a matter of time before you make yet another bad decision about men and relationships.

    Quite frankly, you are messed up on a level that you owe it to your daughter to stay completely single until she is grown and out of your house, like not even a casual date. I really hope you spend some very serious time in high quality counseling fixing your issues because that's what's landed you where you are today - your own child molested while you are still confused and in denial on some level. Denial doesn't fix things or change reality and neither do soft words. Roll up your sleeves and start working on yourself - first by completely blocking the psychopath you saw fit to date and even agree to marry and then finding that good team of psychiatrists, therapists, group counseling and whatever else can possibly help you get your head screwed on straight.

    Your own daughter went to an adult in school to seek help because she, at 11 years old, has enough life experience and maturity to realize that you are way too messed up to protect her properly. If that's not a cold bucket of water over your head to get your own self straightened out, I don't know what is or what has to happen for you to wake up. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #42
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I am so sorry. That is horrific.
    I love my mom to pieces and I know she never did anything out of any malice or meanness. Part of it was the social climate of the day and the fact that she was raised you stay married forever and ever and ever and ever no matter what. And my father was the love of her life . And years ago there was often no help for women. So I can totally see how it happened. It was a totally different social atmosphere than today. Today there is all kinds of help for people who have been abused people who are being abused women you name it. Abuse is talked about all over the place. When I was being abused that was never talked about when my mother was abused as a child that was never talked about. And my mom certainly never received any help because her parents never believed her.

    And I know my mom totally suffered and still suffers today at what happened to me and has admitted her fault to me. She completely admitted it was her fault and trusting in my father. And she has had nothing to do with him for about 30 years. And my parents took my sexual abuser to court and called the police. My father even chased his brother with an axe with the intent to kill him. My parents have never once given a crap not even my father gave a crap about his brotherís feelings and for that I am thankful. Just donít understand how anybody could even consider somebodyís feelings after they sexually abuse their child.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I love my mom to pieces and I know she never did anything out of any malice or meanness. Part of it was the social climate of the day and the fact that she was raised you stay married forever and ever and ever and ever no matter what. And my father was the love of her life . And years ago there was often no help for women. So I can totally see how it happened. It was a totally different social atmosphere than today. Today there is all kinds of help for people who have been abused people who are being abused women you name it. Abuse is talked about all over the place. When I was being abused that was never talked about when my mother was abused as a child that was never talked about. And my mom certainly never received any help because her parents never believed her.

    And I know my mom totally suffered and still suffers today at what happened to me and has admitted her fault to me. She completely admitted it was her fault and trusting in my father. And she has had nothing to do with him for about 30 years. And my parents took my sexual abuser to court and called the police. My father even chased his brother with an axe with the intent to kill him. My parents have never once given a crap not even my father gave a crap about his brotherís feelings and for that I am thankful. Just donít understand how anybody could even consider somebodyís feelings after they sexually abuse their child.
    I understand the time and how your mother felt trapped. I am glad that she has acknowledge her part in this situation. I still feel for what you had to experience.

    What happened to the abuser?

    it is mind boggling that this woman has any compassion for this monster, and is still in contact. i will go as far to say that the child should be removed from her care.

  4. #44
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You need to go to the police . Sexual contact with a child is a crime. Get a restraining order. Stop convincing yourself that he is the victim. He is a predator. Get therapy for her. Try not to petend he's not a pedophile. Stop protecting him. Go to the police.
    I second this post. He needs to be reported so that there's a record. The sooner the better. Question is: Will you??

    But he keeps getting in touch and trying to get closer.
    WHY haven't you blocked him on ALL forms of contact? He should not be able to contact you ever again. Block him. Or change all your contact details.
    Last edited by Capricorn3; 06-23-2020 at 09:09 PM.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    What I'm flabbergasted about is #1, forcing the poor daughter to endure a "talk" with her molester where he was permitted to minimize and make excuses and #2, that he was allowed to continue to spend nights at their home AFTER molesting her. No wonder she reached out to someone at school.

    OP, I know you're mad at us, but think about your poor daughter. She will forever remember that her mother, instead of swooping in and protecting her, chose to allow this pedo to continue to stay at her home overnight. I can tell you, she will remember that forever.

    (written by someone who endured abuse in my own home as a child)

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