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Thread: Dealing with abuse and guilt

  1. #31
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    I must say, your ex's behaviour towards your daughter was dodgy from the start. He's not her real father and he was trying to control every aspect of her life and be super close to her in an unhealthy kind of way. Even before you wrote about the molestation, I thought: "That's weird he's carrying an ELEVEN year old to your bed, she's too old for that". Especially after you already told him to stop doing it, and he continued to do it. Very strange, don't you think?

    Actually I used to excuse a lot of bad behaviour on the fact that the person has mental illness, because I'm a mental health and disability worker. But I realised that every person who has mental illness is a different individual and they have a personality just like anybody. Also it depends on what the mental illness actually is. And no mental illness has paedophilia and molestation as a symptom.

    How is your ex still contacting you? I don't understand why you haven't blocked him on everything? I understand you made a mistake but why do you keep engaging with him?

    I guarantee your ex touched your daughter deliberately and your daughter knew this, which is why she went to her school counsellor. Because she felt like something really didn't add up. Please get rid of this guy for good! Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by Tinydance; 06-23-2020 at 11:18 AM.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Melonella
    He's been out of our lives for a while now with no chance of return.
    This begs the question, why have you not blocked him completely?

  3. #33
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Yes, Cannelle.

    Now we're talking.

    "Keep in mind that " empath" is often a code for " very codependant people " who put the needs of other before their own because they feel lost in their life without that person. They suppress their own instinct and beliefs and stay in abusive relationship because they fear abandonment."



    I fear that OP doesn't wish to hear.

  4. #34
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    You should take some time apart and take the kid to a social worker or psych. to eveluate the situation. This might be more dangerous than it seems. I know it is heartbreaking and tough but please take the kid to a doctor. I suggest you leave for sometime to a safe place until what is really happening can be clear.
    And please dont attack her in the comments. The relationship is clearly abusive, she needs love and suport not being told she is a bad mother.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. As obviously inappropriate and incredible as it seems you let this pedophile hang out in bed alone with your daughter, to hang onto a man. Perhaps the next person who has their head in the sand like this will not wait for CPS to show up but will rightfully have the creep arrested. Right now she is a confused and frightened child, but she may grow up to detest you for allowing some bf to use her.
    Originally Posted by Melonella
    I hope it helps others in the same situation of denial and disbelief. Hope it can open some eyes.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    As obviously inappropriate and incredible as it seems you let this pedophile hang out in bed alone with your daughter, to hang onto a man. Perhaps the next person who has their head in the sand like this will not wait for CPS to show up but will rightfully have the creep arrested. Right now she is a confused and frightened child, but she may grow up to detest you for allowing some bf to use her.
    Amen to that Wiseman. In a nutshell.

  8. #37
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Agree. As obviously inappropriate and incredible as it seems you let this pedophile hang out in bed alone with your daughter, to hang onto a man. Perhaps the next person who has their head in the sand like this will not wait for CPS to show up but will rightfully have the creep arrested. Right now she is a confused and frightened child, but she may grow up to detest you for allowing some bf to use her.
    Absolutely 100%. I know I was mad at my mom for a very long time and sometimes now even occasionally for some of the really massively stupid decision she made and going back to my incredibly ill mentally ill abusive father over and over and over and leaving my brother and I with him while she went off to work in other provinces. And it was because of one of her errors in judgement and sending us on a holiday with our dad that I ended up being a victim of violent sexual abuse. She’s so badly wanted to believe in him that we were sacrificed.

    When I see this in other people I become so angry . I see one more child going down the dark pit of depression, anxiety and hell.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by Notmi
    You should take some time apart and take the kid to a social worker or psych. to eveluate the situation. This might be more dangerous than it seems. I know it is heartbreaking and tough but please take the kid to a doctor. I suggest you leave for sometime to a safe place until what is really happening can be clear.
    And please dont attack her in the comments. The relationship is clearly abusive, she needs love and suport not being told she is a bad mother.
    Really! She is still in contact and feeling sorry for someone that molested her child.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Absolutely 100%. I know I was mad at my mom for a very long time and sometimes now even occasionally for some of the really massively stupid decision she made and going back to my incredibly ill mentally ill abusive father over and over and over and leaving my brother and I with him while she went off to work in other provinces. And it was because of one of her errors in judgement and sending us on a holiday with our dad that I ended up being a victim of violent sexual abuse. She’s so badly wanted to believe in him that we were sacrificed.

    When I see this in other people I become so angry . I see one more child going down the dark pit of depression, anxiety and hell.
    I am so sorry. That is horrific.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Agree. As obviously inappropriate and incredible as it seems you let this pedophile hang out in bed alone with your daughter, to hang onto a man. Perhaps the next person who has their head in the sand like this will not wait for CPS to show up but will rightfully have the creep arrested. Right now she is a confused and frightened child, but she may grow up to detest you for allowing some bf to use her.
    Yup..........

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