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Thread: Interracial couple. Now ex believes my family is racist

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    YUP. It has nothing to do with race except what your boyfriend is making it out to be.
    Dads are especially protective about who their little princess dates.
    My aunt and uncle LOVE my cousin's husband because "he was the first guy who actually talked to us while waiting for her. asked how we were doing, thanked us for the soda we offered while he was waiting and asked how the project was going (saw the kitchen was obviously being renovated)"

    Your parents know you "only date black guys". If they had a problem with that, they would sit you down and have a talk long ago.
    You need to have higher standards in who you date as far as their personality -- a guy who is mature enough to have pleasant small talk with parents and be seen.
    My uncle was the type who never showed up to family functions because "why are we the ones who always have to drive to them" and "i don't fish or build cars or hike so i don't want to talk about those things they talk about"
    Your boyfriend would be the same.

    When my siblings were dating, guys knew if you got along with the dad - or at least showed you respected his daughter, you were in

    My other uncle was in corporate management and was super well polished. But when he "met the boyfriend" for the first time, he sat at the card table in full hunting regalia - orange hat and everything cleaning his bow and arrow or gun accessories and would only give a "nod" at the guy when introduced. If you weren't scared off by dad and came around again - you apparently really care about his daughter and he acted like his normal self. He hoped to be intimidating at first to who was dating his girls.
    Good points about the bf needing to make an effort to get in good with the family.

    It goes a long way to just come in, sit down, master the small talk. Its called manners and being polite.

    The confederate flag... that would be a tough situation. especially, the like it or leave comment. Unfortunately, you can't control anyone but yourself.

    If you're gong to date and hopefully, marry outside of your race... You're going to have to be all cards on the table with everyone....

    To your family,:

    I love you all, and as you know, I like and hope to marry a black man. That means, we as a family, need to work together. because more than likely that will mean, I will be raising interracial children. They will be my number one priority and to make sure that they are raised around people who respect both sides of their heritage. When me and ex broke up it was because he was concerned he could not raise his children in this environment.

    As a member of a family it is wrong to hurt each other and then just shut the door with a "if you don't like it don't come over." We all need to work together in order for us to harmonize this family. If you can't do that know that you are putting me in a position where I will leave and take my children with me. This is who I am and what I want... I know ex wasnt perfect either, but there will be another black man walking through that door. What are we going to do to support him and me?

    To the future guy, you prep him going in... some times my family does not see what many see and feel is inappropriate. it is something I deal with because I love them. I try to educate them, but they tend to double down that they don't agree with me and get defensive. It's important to me that we try, because they've agreed to try, too. And you can adress his response with you're own thoughts on how you'll handle as a couple.

    you have to live your iwn life, with your choices. You don't want to just walk away from your family. On the other hand, they shpuld want happiness for you, too. Enough to talk it over and compromise like caring adults.

  2. #12
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    I love you all, and as you know, I like and hope to marry a black man. That means, we as a family, need to work together. because more than likely that will mean, I will be raising interracial children. They will be my number one priority and to make sure that they are raised around people who respect both sides of their heritage. When me and ex broke up it was because he was concerned he could not raise his children in this environment.

    As a member of a family it is wrong to hurt each other and then just shut the door with a "if you don't like it don't come over." We all need to work together in order for us to harmonize this family. If you can't do that know that you are putting me in a position where I will leave and take my children with me. This is who I am and what I want... I know ex wasnt perfect either, but there will be another black man walking through that door. What are we going to do to support him and me?


    To me, the family gave no indication of not being accepting of the boyfriend.

    I think that "i hope to marry a black man" needs some exploration. I mean, it is just the same as white men "trying to find an asian bride" irregardless of the individual qualities of each of those women. If she says, I plan to marry ____ (name of a specific man who happens to be black), that's one thing, but to me, having blinders and ONLY wanting to find a man outside of your race --- what is that all about? To me, just like the men looking for an Asian bride, it makes me think she doesn't see men as individuals. Look for a guy who meshes with you personality wise, you have fun with, etc. He might be black, he might not be. But then you don't have the argument "my family doesn't like him because he's black" because either he isn't black and mom and dad don't like him because he's a bum or he is black, but mom and dad love him because he's a great guy (obviously loves and respects their daughter and you seem like two peas in a pod). I know that people go through a phase of wanting to see their parents as out of touch, antiquated, wrong - but they really only care about the happiness, wellbeing of their kids.

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