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Thread: How do you know if your happy in your relationship

  1. #1

    How do you know if your happy in your relationship

    Iíve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now ,Iím just so unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her, how do you know if you are going to be happy together for ever . We have arguments and thatís normal . We have good times too . I think she is a jealous person and I she needs to know everything I do who I speak to , she often checks my phone to see who Iíve been speaking to texting . Then it was my mom birthday I bought her a voucher for £30 for a takeaway. When I told my girlfriend the cost she went mental and told me my mom wasnít worth that amount . I stupidly agree with her to keep her happy , and changed it to £10 and another small gift . When my mom got the present she knew something was wrong I wouldnít get her a £10 voucher, and asked me what it was about . I told her that my girlfriend thought she wasnít worth £30 , obviously she wasnít happy . Now my girlfriend isnít happy too as she knows I told her about the present too . There have been other things too that Iíve been unhappy about with my girlfriend but I just agree to keep her happy , but Iím I going to be happy if I canít stand up to her

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    So many times, I've read the title of a post and immediately thought, well, if you have to ask, then you already know.

    People in happy relationships know they are happy. when you start to question it, then you also know.

    What are your ages?

    Couple of things stick out to me about your post:

    1. jealousy, especially without reason is a giant red flag. this is a character flaw that you cannot fix in another person.

    2. if you are not married or living together with shared expenses, it's no one's business how much you spend on a gift for your mother

    3. you do not owe anyone access to your phone, messages, what you do 24/7. This completely dysfunctional and not love.

    Shame on you for being so overly influenced by your gf, you would cheap out on your mom. Where is your voice, your backbone?

    I think you really need to think about why you're with this girlfriend.... And don't you deserve better?

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    1. You are allowed to talk to other people human beings are allowed to do that.

    2. You owe no one access to your phone. Put a password on it .

    3. No one gets to tell you that you spend a certain amount of money on your mother.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    How do you know if you're happy with the food you eat? With the job you work? With the friends you spend time with? With the shows you watch on television? All in all, it's kind of the same in a relationship: you know you're happy because you know you're happy. You like the flavor, how you feel digesting it.

    In terms of the specifics, you certainly don't sound very happy from where I'm sitting, and understandably. You can't use your phone in peace, or be kind to your mother in peace. Most concerning, however, is that you seem to indulge the very behavior and dynamic that is making happiness impossible. What, do you think, is up with that? Your girlfriend certainly doesn't sound happy either, as happy people don't monitor phones and chastise partners for buying their parents dinner.

    So I'm really not sure what either of you are getting out of this, just going with what you've offered. Are you accustomed to thinking that the non-mandatory things we do in life are supposed to be primarily painful rather than joyful?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    All of the above posters summed up my thoughts. I'd kick that jealous, controlling gf to the curb immediately. If you have to ask if you are happy, then you are not happy. You deserve better. Now, take your mom out for a nice lunch to make up for the stinginess of the gift card.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Having arguments is not normal. The occasion tiff over who didn't put gas in the truck or someone leaving the back door unlocked is normal. A paranoid partner scrutinizing over what you are doing and whom you are texting is a lack of trust. If you don't have trust in a relationship you have a future of many issues. I'm taking a good guess here the arguments are her upset at you for not answering her texts right away, or where have you been, who you are texting, why are you liking that girls picture on social media, etc. Her disrespect for your mother...how rude and inconsiderate your GF is for saying such things. When the common denominator for all your relationship's issues is her...what do you think?

    I would get out now. This girl is driving you into unhappiness already. Not sure why you need us to point out what you already know.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I would ask you this?

    Do you know what makes you happy?

    Do you know what goals you want to achieve?

    Do you know in general terms what kind of life you want in a relationship/marriage?

    If you cannot answer these and other questions then you can NEVER answer the one you posed to us.

    Lost

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Slow down.

    The biggest argument lately seems to be about money. Do you live together?

    Figure out your finances and whether there are other frivolous expenses that are putting a strain on the household.

    Why is she asking you about whom you've been speaking with? Do you communicate well?

    Have you met each others' friends?

    You've painted a negative light on your gf but I feel it's very one-sided.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Well, you know the answer. You're unhappy and just coasting along. Don't string anyone along, have the courage to end things.
    Originally Posted by Albert Walla
    Iíve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now ,Iím just so unsure if I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Iíve been unhappy about with my girlfriend but I just agree to keep her happy , but Iím I going to be happy if I canít stand up to her

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Unless you spent so much money on your mom you canít pay your bills or your rent and have to borrow money from her she has no say in what you spent on your mom.

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