Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 33

Thread: AITA for breaking up with my fiancé this way?

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    133
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    What, exactly, did this guy bring to the table that was worth putting up with?
    does it sound this bad?

  2. #22
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    133
    UPDATE: First of all thank you all for your precious suggestions, opinions and advices.


    We broke up last friday, he deleted me from his social media platforms and all hour pictures on monday. and tuesday he messaged me the following:



    HIM: Hi, i am just giving you a head up, ill be moving out probably by the end of august to another house thats cheaper, so you can come collect your stuff before that or I can move your stuff to my new place and you can collect it whenever you come (but i know you don’t want that). + i will probably go back to london sometime in july, if you want anything for me to do just let me know.

    ME: ok, thank you for letting me know.

    HIM: No problem. the earliest i will move out is 22nd august. i will let you know when i leave for london then, i probably will need to get the keys for the house, did you ask about the ring ? i guess you can also give it back to me when you give me the keys.

    ME: ok, whatever you want, let me know when is good for you and we sort it out.



    ——

    in november 2019, i moved to his house (he was with his brother in the house and we were three of us then). in feb this year we all signed a new contract so that my name was in the contract. and i had the keys of the house here with me. also during the break up night on the phone, i mentioned the ring and not sure what happens when someone breaks engagement. he told me ask about it and we talk.



    Today is the 6th day of break up and i have been missing him so much since the day 1 of the break up. And i reflected on the whole relationship, i already realised some of my faults, i have been impulsive in some instances, like last one.

    i am feeling guilty and i feel like it was my fault i lost him.

    on the other hand, at times, i also blame him for things that he did wrong and i feel like it was also him losing me.

    i know what was missing from his side also.

    it felt like he was looking for an escape since january. he did not care about this relationship since January when he first mentioned breaking up (and this was 6 days after hour engagement).

    after that within these six months up to our final fight on friday, he was not patient with me at all, every small misunderstanding become so big in his eyes ending up him saying he doesn't want it anymore, he is fed up, he doesn't want to continue like this.

    for him i was always overreacting and if we had a fight it was my fault and my unreasonable feelings.

    another reason why i felt like he was looking for an escape was, he let me down by promising to go to counselling to work on this relationship three months ago. but 2 weeks ago, he rejected this idea saying “if a relationship needs counselling it means it is over.” he didn’t say this before, even last year, we considered going to counselling, he booked it but because we felt like we are good for that moment, we didn’t go.


    On the other hand, although, within these six months, he looked like he was looking for an escape in every argument (3 times or so), other times, he seemed so happy all the time, talking about future, how much he loves everyday. in a way, he was lovebombing me, full of attention, messaging me often, calling me, coming to see me, doing everything like he was doing since day 1.


    I still want to work on this relationship. and i don’t want to give the ring back as it has so much meaning for me. i don’t want to look desperate also. i want to apologise for my mistakes, but i don’t know how or if i should at this stage. i don’t know if its too early to apologise. i also want him to realise his mistakes. i think thats only when we can re-unite.

    so when we meet up for the keys and the ring, what do you think i should tell him? should i give him the ring just like that?


    also my friend suggested i write him a letter, talking about how things made me feel in our relationship, and how it would not work this way.

    what do you think?

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    133
    also, in january when he broke up with me. he told his mother about the argument and break up after we decided to continue, his mother called my mother saying "this time its all Sensitevegirl's fault" (my fault), but my son decided to give her a change". and my mother said i dont know what happened, my daugter didnt tell me anything but i believe in a relationship its always two people contributing toward a problem (something along those lines).

    snce than his mother was not the same towards me.

    and my parents and friends think his mother plays a big part in this break up. they think she put the idea of break up in his mind or efffected him.

  4. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    133
    Originally Posted by sensitivegirl0
    UPDATE: First of all thank you all for your precious suggestions, opinions and advices.


    We broke up last friday, he deleted me from his social media platforms and all hour pictures on monday. and tuesday he messaged me the following:



    HIM: Hi, i am just giving you a head up, ill be moving out probably by the end of august to another house thats cheaper, so you can come collect your stuff before that or I can move your stuff to my new place and you can collect it whenever you come (but i know you don’t want that). + i will probably go back to london sometime in july, if you want anything for me to do just let me know.

    ME: ok, thank you for letting me know.

    HIM: No problem. the earliest i will move out is 22nd august. i will let you know when i leave for london then, i probably will need to get the keys for the house, did you ask about the ring ? i guess you can also give it back to me when you give me the keys.

    ME: ok, whatever you want, let me know when is good for you and we sort it out.


    sorry i missed the last text.

    HIM: thank you MY NAME, i will let you know.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,008
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear that. It sounds like he did not want to marry, so staged this fight to get out of it. You weren't happy. Now you are free from the drama and pressure.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,692
    Heartache can be a difficult thing to go through. It will take time to get through. So be gentle with yourself.

    For what it's worth, it is not all your fault, you both made mistakes and the biggest problem was that you found out that on some very important issues, you did not see eye to eye.
    You would have both been unhappy.

    You have a right to have a partner who is supportive of your family and is happy to be apart of not only your life, but your parents as well. Don't feel bad for wanting that.
    If he felt he wasn't ready for marriage and wanted to be single again, that's his choice too.

    Both of you will survive this. It takes time to get past hurt and a break up, but you will. Try to spend time with family and friends right now so you don't get too sad about everything.

  8. #27
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    179
    Originally Posted by sensitivegirl0
    also, in january when he broke up with me. he told his mother about the argument and break up after we decided to continue, his mother called my mother saying "this time its all Sensitevegirl's fault" (my fault), but my son decided to give her a change". and my mother said i dont know what happened, my daugter didnt tell me anything but i believe in a relationship its always two people contributing toward a problem (something along those lines).

    snce than his mother was not the same towards me.

    and my parents and friends think his mother plays a big part in this break up. they think she put the idea of break up in his mind or efffected him.
    It sounds like you and your family are more level headed and acknowledge it takes two in a relationship, while he and his mom only want to lay the blame on you. I know it is extremely hard to let go at the moment but you probably dodged a bullet.

    I would refrain from thinking that it was all his mother's doing. If an adult man let other people affect his relationship decisions it's usually because he wants to be affected that way.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,466
    Gender
    Female
    The ring! I can't believe he's asking you for the ring back? Is this correct? Who mentioned it? It should be a gift, love. This is of course very personal and between the both of you. It's not about the value of the ring and more of the gift aspect of it that bothers me if he's asking for it back. How heartbreaking for you.

    I'm glad you had time to reflect a little... we all have to.

    If you still want to talk or go over things with him, see if he's open to that kind of conversation first and make some time. Otherwise, you'll be ambushing him with emotions that he may not want to go over because he's completely gone and checked out. Not everyone does well having conversations after/during a break up. Be prepared that he may also ask for some time for the dust to settle and you may have to put your thoughts and emotions on hold until after he returns back from London and is settled in his new place.

    It appears like it's over so I wouldn't go into any talks thinking that you can change his mind. It would be for you to share your thoughts only and sometimes that's cathartic and other times... it's just tearing the wound open again when what you should be doing is focusing more on yourself and your healing forwards, saying goodbye.

    Keep us updated.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,008
    Gender
    Male
    He doesn't want to get married. Take care of the logistics. Do Not write him a letter listing all his mistakes. It's over, sadly.
    Originally Posted by sensitivegirl0
    i told him i dont wanna speak more and i just dont know if i want to continue this relationship. he just said ok and agreed.

    PS: he has been trying to break up with me in every instance in every small thing since january, since 6 days after our engagment.

  11. #30
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    168
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by sensitivegirl0
    so when we meet up for the keys and the ring, what do you think i should tell him? should i give him the ring just like that?

    my friend suggested i write him a letter, talking about how things made me feel in our relationship, and how it would not work this way.

    what do you think?
    I would give him the ring and wish him good luck. Nothing else.

    No letter, either. What purpose would it serve? When something is over, it's over....and it seems that it's been over for him for a while.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Videos


What Is Good To Know About The First Date

Online Dating Websites Most Frequently Used By Older Adults

Blogging Helps New Moms Handle Parental Stress

What Do Men And Women Want In A Relationship?

Benefits Of Online Education

Talking To Children Is Better Than Reading To Them
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •