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Thread: AITA for breaking up with my fiancÚ this way?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Talk about your plans before getting engaged again if you do get engaged again to someone else or end up patching things up.

    Where you live and how you'll live should be talked about.

    Don't drag your parents into your personal affairs. You're making it into a much larger issue than it really is.

    Respect each other when one person doesn't want to participate in an event, social, trip etc. It was your mother's birthday weekend but instead of spending it focusing on your mother, you were trying to force your boyfriend to be part of the party. In the end who loses out? Your mum? You? Your whole family is upset because you couldn't respect that he didn't want to go on the trip.

    It's ok to feel disappointed but in future don't let that override and ruin a whole weekend. Have the maturity to step back and accept someone else's choices.

    You'll have to get used to that in a marriage - key word is respect always. You are not always going to be able to do everything together.

    Learn to develop your own lives and enjoy time with family and friends independently. Appreciate each other.

    The kind of coupledom you're witnessing in your parents and conjoined lives you may see in the example set by your parents comes from decades of shared and lived incidents together. Over time a couple comes together more effortlessly together but I think it's a mistake to assume that they do everything together also. I am certain they have their own private moments and things they do on their own, family relatives they visit or chat with personally/individually.

    Don't go down the negative road of judging his background and his relationship with his mother. Leave that out of the equation and focus on the relationship itself and where both of you have fallen short.

    Slow down with the expectations. Hold your tongue if you're disappointed. You don't have to take it out on each other.

    I'm sorry about the bunny. It appears that it ruined the evening for him also and he couldn't enjoy your engagement with you the way he wanted to also.

    Just be more patient with each other.

  2. #12
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    What's AITA? :-/

  3. #13
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I was about to ask the same question.


  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    What's AITA? :-/
    It's a Reddit thing. "Am I The A-hole?"

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You were wrong for expecting him to go with your mother on short notice like that. If he didn't want to, then it should have been fine and you should have left it at that.

    But to be honest, the way you describe things between you two, it sounds as though neither of you were very happy and neither of you were connecting very well on many things.
    It was not working and both of you were to blame.

    It's for the best to let it be. A marriage would not work between you two.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Was this supposed to be an arranged marriage? It seems completely run by your and his parents rather than two consenting mature independent adults.
    It is not an arranged marriage. It was by chance that when we meet in teh UK with my fiance, we found out his stepfather is our family friend for more than 20 years. My father and his stepfather are really good friends and talk often, go to hunting etc.

    After months due to covid, we visited them on Thursday, they were inviting us for long time, but we waited for lockdown to be lifted and our eye infections to pass.

    Traditionally, families are important to us. But we always made sure asking each other if we want to meet up in our houses, in case one or the other doesnt feel comfortable. For instance, on Thursday night i asked my fiance if he is ok with coming to my house on Friday if not we could do something else. but he said ofcourse he wanted to come as he wanted see me and it was my mothers bday.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok use this time apart to reflect and slow down.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Also use this time to realize that he might not be as into the "family thing" as you had thought he was. Decide if you're okay with that, or not. But pushing him to do things and getting angry because he won't, will only make both of you miserable.

    At this point, you two sound incompatible.

  10. #19
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It's a Reddit thing. "Am I The A-hole?"
    Thank you!

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    What, exactly, did this guy bring to the table that was worth putting up with?

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