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Thread: Iíve called time on it but canít cope without

  1. #1

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    Iíve called time on it but canít cope without

    You girls that have got back with boyfriends after a break or breakup. Was it always the plan? Or did you move on after the breakup?

    Me and my man have just had 4 weeks apart and weíre both constantly still arguing over whoís in the wrong still and no further forward to fixing things. So we finished it last night. Because weíre making ourselves ill being in this inbetween... The problems werenít even between us though. it was family stuff, my mums really poorly and he got jealous of how much time I need to spend with her helping her each day, I canít change that... he wants to move out all of a sudden instead of build something on our land which was always the plan, I have 3 Jobs and look after my mum from here so it would be insanity for me to move out to rent when this was never ever the plan and Iíd always be back at the house anyway for work and my mum... so weíd hardly see each other... he just flung it on me 4 weeks ago when he exploded at everyone in the house so bad and nasty he had to leave, and heís got too much hatred towards my family that he could never move back and we canít afford to build at the minute. We were a year away from it if that! He didnít want to rent his own place and see me a few nights a week coz his mates have told him itís a part time relationship and I should be putting him first, but I physically canít put him first at the minute if his idea of putting him first is to put him in front of my incurably sick mum and I thought he understood 😭 heíd rather me make her get a carer so I can put him first which I canít wrap my head around because she only needs an hour each side of the day helping get washed and dressed etc, not like itís taking over our lives. But if we moved away Iíd be back every morning to help her then for work during the day go back to our new place and be back to the house each night to help her get to bed itís just a ridiculous scenario to throw on someone with no warning Iíd be like a yo-yo going through enough stress as it is at the minute anyway and then with all the back and forwardsing Iíd hardly see him at all anyway

    so itís been a month of full on heartbreak Iíve had to call time on it. Plus I donít think lockdown has helped with any of this because the last 3 months we were together we were both off work 24/7 so Iíve got in my head if seeing me all day every day still wasnít enough then what would be I couldnít of give him more than I did, and them 3 months being off work furloughed should of been his happiest I know I was happy having all that extra time with him 🥺

    I wonít be even looking at anyone else so I hope heís the same, and I tell myself if in a few months heís still single and he loved me the way he says he does we can try again 🤞if heís not single I never meant that much to him, and if he cuts ties with me then so be it.

    But I donít want to tell him I wanna try again in the future itís just this like delusional thing Iím clinging onto that one day Iíll get that back because between the 2 of us there wasnít anything wrong we thought weíd be together forever and life has just made that impossible at the minute. 💔💔💔💔💔 and I keep being told if itís meant to be it will be again but it doesnít feel like it.

    Has anyone been in anything even slightly similar??

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating?

  3. #3

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    2.5 years and lived together since pretty much day 1 he moved in with me and my family as he was always there anyway and it made sense to save money to build the house on the land... neither of us were in a rush so we werenít even really trying to move out any time soon as everyone was happy. Till my mum woke up paralysed in September- things got bad but sheís so much better now but still needs some help... This is why I canít get over the shock of how sudden his mind changed. X

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did he move out?

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  6. #5

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    Yes he blew up at everyone and got really quite nasty. I told him to leave to cool off and give everyone space but a month later heís still not apologised to anyone other than me and doesnít see that heís in the wrong, just keeps telling me the problem is where we live and that he doesnít get enough of my time, and if I didnít live there I wouldnít be able to help when needed and his evenings wouldnít be interrupted for half hour each night by me having to put her pyjamas on... even writing this makes me wonder why Iím so all over the place, thatís a really childish and selfish thing to be bothered about isnít it...

    When I say he blew up at everyone, he basically attacked my parents (theyíve treat him as a son) out of nowhere and tried to make them feel like crap for needing help on the land (which is one of my jobs anyway always has been) and for my mum needing help getting washed and dressed each day, making my mum feel guilty for being sick and needing support.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why did he move there "since day one" ? Were you dating or was he a boarder or hired hand?

  8. #7

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    First date, snowstorm, his car broke down on the drive when he dropped me home, so I let him stay over, then we were stuck in the storm roads were closed nobody in or out of town for a week, lucky we liked each other!!! we fell in love... after that he / we decided there was no point in him renting a room at his mates house when he was always at mine anyway so the rent money could be put into savings for the future instead

  9. #8
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    What is wrong with your mother? Are you an only child?

    How much time does he want to spend with you? Does he have any friends or social life outside of you? Does he help you at your parent's home?

    He sounds incredibly selfish! Why would you consider a lifetime with someone like this?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-22-2020 at 10:15 AM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He showed you how he behaves when the going gets rough. He takes a childish tantrum and has no empathy. He's all about me, myself and I. And then when you had plenty of time for him, he's still a black hole of neediness and was not satisfied with what he thought he'd wanted.

    Doesn't sound like the ideal lifetime partner to me.

    You're just used to him being around. It's a huge change in your life, but you'll get used to life without him in time. It takes no contact and probably a minimum of 4 months to begin to get to the healing part after the mourning stage.

    You're a caring person, and your Mom is lucky to be able to count on her in her time of need. You deserve someone who will also support you in your time of need. It's not him. Free yourself to one day find someone worthy of you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    He showed you how he behaves when the going gets rough. He takes a childish tantrum and has no empathy. He's all about me, myself and I. And then when you had plenty of time for him, he's still a black hole of neediness and was not satisfied with what he thought he'd wanted.

    Doesn't sound like the ideal lifetime partner to me.

    You're just used to him being around. It's a huge change in your life, but you'll get used to life without him in time. It takes no contact and probably a minimum of 4 months to begin to get to the healing part after the mourning stage.

    You're a caring person, and your Mom is lucky to be able to count on her in her time of need. You deserve someone who will also support you in your time of need. It's not him. Free yourself to one day find someone worthy of you.
    ^This. In hard times is when you see a person's true colors. This guy is all about himself, selfish, self centered and being hateful toward your family. No way is this what a lifetime partner looks like.

    Getting used to not having him around sucking whatever life and energy you have left in you will take some time and getting used to, but you will be fine. Please don't take get back with him and actually do cut all contact with him. You might just find a whole lot of peace and clarity in silence.

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