Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 25

Thread: Iíve called time on it but canít cope without

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,168
    Gender
    Male
    When he left he took his "savings" (that he was not paying rent in lieu of) with him? So basically you took in a parasitic drifter. Be glad he's gone.
    Originally Posted by Hondamrs
    First date, snowstorm, his car broke down on the drive when he dropped me home, so I let him stay over, then we were stuck in the storm roads were closed nobody in or out of town for a week, lucky we liked each other!!! we fell in love... after that he / we decided there was no point in him renting a room at his mates house when he was always at mine anyway so the rent money could be put into savings for the future instead

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,173
    Is there drinking and alcohol or substance abuse involved?

    I'm not sure where the explosions are coming from. You've mentioned that he exploded. Does he have a history of explosive anger?

    Like the others caution, please be wary and cautious about traits like these. It'll be a lifetime of emotional and verbal abuse.

    Check whether there is substance abuse also or drinking.

    He appears insecure with his place in the family.

    I think both of you have grown apart also.

    He's moved out now so let things be. Hatred, explosive anger, resentment, contempt, verbal abuse are all dangerous and negative traits. Something is eating up at him and it is outside of your power to control. Take care of yourself first.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    7,053
    Why on earth would you want this man back?

    He:
    1.) Has zero compassion for your mother.

    2.) Forces you to choose between him and her when she's clearly very unwell. That is incredibly selfish of him.

    3.) Starts putting you down, your family down, even your house down. (your mom is already sick and this is what he does?!! Criticizes and makes your life more difficult than it already is!!).

    4.) Walks out on you when you need him the most.

    Seriously, please open your eyes. This man does not love you, is not someone you can count on. Treats you very, very badly. Is generally a cold hearted, unkind person who cares only about himself.
    You dodged a bullet. You are so much better off without him. You might not be able to see it right now, but please stay away from him. He's doing you a favour by clearing a path so a better man can eventually come along.

    Allow yourself better. Don't put up with someone who is this bad to you and fool yourself that he's anything great just because you're lonely.

    I tell myself if in a few months heís still single and he loved me the way he says he does we can try again
    He already walked out on you when you needed him the most. He's proven he does not love you.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    7,053
    Also, you're an exceptional daughter for helping your mom like you are.

    You are doing the right thing and have a very good heart. Don't let his hateful behavior make you feel any different.

  5.  

  6. #15

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    6
    Thanks for all the responses Iíll reply to you all to make it easier

    Hollyj - itís a really rare condition the doctors cannot fix it they can only pause it while meds work and it will get worse one day, her spines destroyed and technically she shouldnít be able to move from the arms down but sheís beat all odds and got a lot of movement back, she can do most things just struggles bending down to get washed dressed and put shoes on...
    No my brother is here but canít help with personal stuff as that would be uncomfortable for them both, my sister is abroad and my dad has his own struggles too
    we spend all our spare time together but usually thatís only evenings and one day a week on our days off, the last 3 months itís been 24/7 heís not got to see friends or family or anything as with the lockdown obvious reasons... he usually helps a lot round the house and the land doing odd jobs he used to enjoy it but lately itís been like a massive effort 🙄 and Iíve never asked him to do anything because I didnít want him to feel used in any way...

    Andrina - black hole of neediness that isnít happy with what he thought he wanted! If only I could of worded it that well myself!!!

    Dancing fool - he was amazing with me and her and everyone when she first got sick but itís almost like the mask fell off and he couldnít pretend to care anymore because he was still not back to being my priority... surviving this last 6 months of hell had been my priority and my mums comfort

    Wiseman2 - he actually hasnít taken the savings yet... but Iím sure he will be doing. We pay rent but itís hardly anything more of a token to help with food shopping... Because my parents wanted us to have what we wanted theyíve done everything to help

    Rose mosse - no drugs no drink no gambling no nothing but the behaviour change screams of it doesnít it!!! No signs of anything like this behaviour until about a month before the big fallout but that was about the same things he moaned I didnít give him enough alone time so I put loads of effort in gave him more and he gave me less back like the more I tried the less he needed to,
    He wasnít himself towards the end I feel like I lost Iím along time ago beginning of lockdown Iíd say...

    SherrySher- thank you I know without a shadow of a doubt my mum comes first any of my family would come first, and nobody in the world should ever expect you to choose, I wasnít ever saying we wouldnít move out I just simply said I canít move off the land I need to be like right here incase anything happens and on top of that even without the illness this was always the dream, he knew that when he met me and he wanted it too I donít know what changed !! It wouldnít of taken long like I say I just didnít know there was a rush! Nor should there have been the place is massive thereís loads of space for everyone and itís not like I said he had to sit and wait for me while I was helping her!


    Itís helpful to see what people outside the bubble think about it. Iím so wrapped up in the heartbreak as are the hole family to be honest. Itís shocked and floored us all. Heís just not the guy he used to be and thatís devastating. My mums gutted because she saw him and treat him as a son and now feels like sheís the reason weíve split when it was him and his unfair demands that made it happen

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,152
    Gender
    Female
    You know you inadvertently hit the bull's eye - his mask fell and what you are seeing now is who he really is.

    None of you turned him into anything - he's always been that way, just hidden behind a mask. You are actually lucky it came down before marriage, kids, and so on. Please tell your mom that it's not her fault and he is not a catch. You didn't lose someone great at all and it's so not her fault. My heart really goes out to all of you and hope your mom keeps beating the odds. Hugs.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,938
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    You know you inadvertently hit the bull's eye - his mask fell and what you are seeing now is who he really is.

    None of you turned him into anything - he's always been that way, just hidden behind a mask. You are actually lucky it came down before marriage, kids, and so on. Please tell your mom that it's not her fault and he is not a catch. You didn't lose someone great at all and it's so not her fault. My heart really goes out to all of you and hope your mom keeps beating the odds. Hugs.
    These are my thoughts as well. You said it. Mask fell off.

    you'll find someone better!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,213
    Iím so sorry to hear about your momís condition. You are a great daughter, your folks are lucky to have you!

    You are seeing the real him. So selfish. You can do so much better than this guy, he is the last person you need in your life!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,173
    Be glad that he is out of your life. It's admirable what you're doing for your folks and keeping the family together.

  11. #20
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Heaven
    Posts
    795
    Gender
    Male
    Sometimes with some people its the mask that falls off...the universe has its own ways of telling you its time!

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •