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Thread: pretending to be someone else whilst knowing your partner struggles with online

  1. #11

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    The fact that youíre trying to shift the blame onto your gf for protecting herself is shameful. Based on what you said that that you have sexted other women on numerous occasions she had probably forgiven you time and time again but always knew deep down that you would inevitably hurt/disappoint her again. She did what needed to be done to find out the truth. If you really have gone 8 months without porn and sexting then why give in this one time, what changed? Surely there were countless opportunities before this. I agree with what someone said above, you should not be in a relationship with anyone until you have figured this out. Itís not fair to put this on a gf. This is not simply a porn addiction, the much bigger problem is the sexting which shows zero respect to your gf. This one is on you. Your gf did the right thing by ending it, I know you donít want to hear that but for her sake Iím Glad she did. Good luck I hope you do the work and figure it out. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    It 'works' to clear your head so that you can better estimate what game plan for your future is actually in your own best interests. From there you'll have the clarity to operate, and not a moment sooner.

    This isn't about manipulating your ex. You've already learned that hovering around in an attempt to do that doesn't work and only keeps you miserable. So skip that and do what it takes to gain clarity.

    Your ex has her own agenda, and it does not align with yours at this time. So stop the suffering. Back up and learn how to operate in our own best interests. This will either prompt ex to align with your agenda, or not, but it's the only shot you've realistically got.

    Head high, and choose wisely.

  3. #13
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    So regarding the porn, were you actually addicted to porn? Did you watch it constantly to the point where it took over your life? Or did you just watch it occasionally? The reason why I ask is because there is a difference between simply liking porn and actually having an addiction to it.

    You will find differing opinions from different people as to whether it's OK to watch porn or not. I'm actually a woman and I like to watch porn. I don't watch it all the time but maybe once or twice a week. I don't care if my partner watches porn, I'm fine with it. If I had a partner who totally forbid me to watch porn, I would probably break up with them. Of course it's different if it's an actual serious addiction.

    The thing is it's important to date people who have similar beliefs and values. If you like to watch porn and your partner has a problem with it, then it probably won't work out. Next time date women who are fine with you watching porn. If you are over the legal age, it's your choice if you want to watch porn or not. Unless of course you have a problem.

    Regarding the sexting, yes it's wrong. Doing anything sexual with other people is actually cheating if you're meant to be in a monogamous relationship. So yes you did something wrong.

    Actually in my opinion what your girlfriend did wasn't great either. I think it's very deceitful that she pretended to be someone else. But either way, it sounds like you have no trust in your relationship. Your girlfriend doesn't trust you and she also lied to you and pretended to be someone else as well. You don't sound ready to be in a relationship because you can't get over the porn and sexting thing. So it's not fair for you to be in a relationship and do this to your partner. Don't be selfish and keep cheating, your girlfriend doesn't deserve that. Keep working on yourself in therapy.

  4. #14
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    So regarding the porn, were you actually addicted to porn? Did you watch it constantly to the point where it took over your life? Or did you just watch it occasionally? The reason why I ask is because there is a difference between simply liking porn and actually having an addiction to it.
    OP said: ..."I have been a porn addict for quite some time." Sounds more like an addiction rather than just liking porn.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    OP said: ..."I have been a porn addict for quite some time." Sounds more like an addiction rather than just liking porn.
    Yes, I was just curious to find out what "addiction" means to him personally. Like how often he watched porn and how it affected his life. I mean some people do watch a fair bit of porn, but it's not necessarily addiction, they just like it a lot. I have seen a lot of posts here where the person was saying their partner has a problem with them watching porn and they forbid them to watch porn. So some people have a very low tolerance for their partner watching porn, even if it's not addiction or anything like that. So I was just saying that if he likes porn a lot, he shouldn't date women that don't like it and don't let him watch it.

  7. #16
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Yes, I was just curious to find out what "addiction" means to him personally. Like how often he watched porn and how it affected his life. I mean some people do watch a fair bit of porn, but it's not necessarily addiction, they just like it a lot. I have seen a lot of posts here where the person was saying their partner has a problem with them watching porn and they forbid them to watch porn. So some people have a very low tolerance for their partner watching porn, even if it's not addiction or anything like that. So I was just saying that if he likes porn a lot, he shouldn't date women that don't like it and don't let him watch it.
    I understand. I just thought you may have missed the part in his post where he, himself, mentioned being addicted to porn. :)

  8. #17
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I doubt you are an addict.

    What is more important to you? Your gf or you jerking off to some fantasy online?

    Stop cold turkey and make a concerted effort any time you feel the urge to watch porn to redirect that urge in a positive way. Clean the house, work out, go for a walk, call your gf, call your mom (that should do it) but do something other than make excuses.

    If you don't stop you will only have porn and what kind of life is that.

    "Uncle Jaime, why didn't you ever get married and have kids?" Well you see I was a self proclaimed porn addict and no woman would put up with it so here I am...

    You have all the power to get your life into a healthy state so stop making excuses and do what you know needs to be done.

    Lost

  9. 06-22-2020, 12:59 PM


  10. 06-22-2020, 01:07 PM
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    Refers to deleted post.

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