pandaofspdez Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 So, im moving with my girlfriend to another state. weve been dating for 5 months now. i feel like we get along good, We mesh well. Im cureently living with her, in her moms house. we decided to move across state. And i feel really scared, anxious and nervous. because of the unknown variables of what could happen (i.e. we break up, dont have a job ect). And I dont know if im ready, even tho i said i am to her. We currently got approved for an apartment to the state we are living too. But we havent signed the lease papers yet. so i am using this time to decide what i want to do. but im kinda torn what to do. any advice would be great. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 It's easy to "get along good" when you are living with a parent and you don't have to worry about utility bills, rent, etc. Why are you moving away? Are you moving because she got a great new job out of state? Link to comment
pandaofspdez Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 i do pay rent, its not like im living there for free... the cost of living in my state is pretty high. so thats why were moving Link to comment
Lambert Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 honesty is always the best policy. i would make my concerns known amd talk out all the what ifs. If you're moving with someone to start a new life together, you have to start out being clear about all kinds things... finances (expenses, budgets, goals, shared accounts, splitting of bills, emergencies) household chores (who does what and when) shared decision making, expectations for the new place, new jobs, new friends.... plan b for unemployment, illness, shared assets (like cars, expensive toys) If you talk these things out and it sounds like your concerns are addressed, that should help you feel more confident. If it doesnt, maybe 5 months is too soon and you should not do it. Link to comment
pandaofspdez Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 Thank you so much! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Do you both like the area? Have you visited the area to check out the lifestyles, people, jobs, etc? Do you both have jobs lined up? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 i do pay rent, its not like im living there for free... the cost of living in my state is pretty high. so thats why were moving What jobs do you two have lined up? Link to comment
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Hey what if things don't work out even if you didn't move?....it really doesn't make a difference. things don't work out, they don't work out. Make sure you have an exit plan like socking away some money, move in with a buddy, etc. Just be sure not to co-mingle finances like credit cards, bank accounts, or large purchases like a car, TV, etc. 5 months isn't long enough to really know someone, so take your time in your decision. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 honesty is always the best policy. i would make my concerns known amd talk out all the what ifs. If you're moving with someone to start a new life together, you have to start out being clear about all kinds things... finances (expenses, budgets, goals, shared accounts, splitting of bills, emergencies) household chores (who does what and when) shared decision making, expectations for the new place, new jobs, new friends.... plan b for unemployment, illness, shared assets (like cars, expensive toys) If you talk these things out and it sounds like your concerns are addressed, that should help you feel more confident. If it doesnt, maybe 5 months is too soon and you should not do it. Have you discussed all of these things? Maybe they sound boring topics but they must be addressed before you move. How old are you two? Link to comment
Billie28 Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 Who is going to sign the lease? You or her? Do you care about getting a bad credit record if you break it , don’t make payments etc because that can affect you for life! If neither of you have a job to go to , it would be foolish to sign a lease and since unemployment rates are higher than they have ever been it would also be foolish to leave your current jobs. If you are adamant on moving you should rent a room in a shared house for 3 months and only if you can personally afford to pay those 3 months in advance and have enough funds to remain there 3 months if unemployed. Also while you are paying your gfs mother rent , is your gf also paying rent to her mother? Your concerns are valid ones and relationships only work if these things are discussed openly. The most contributing factor to couples splitting up is finances. Good luck! Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 Don't make any major plans like this if you don't have a backup plan. Do you have a job lined up? If not, do you have enough money saved up to tide you over until you find a job? If you break up, could you afford to live by yourself? What is the reason that you're moving across the state? It sounds like a frivolous plan to me. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 What specifically is making you anxious, OP? It's a big step for such a young relationship, I will say that. Is that what's troubling you? Link to comment
Andrina Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 IMO, you shouldn't even be making major life decisions like moving in with someone until you've known them a minimum of a year. You're not dating at a normal pace and so it's at a high risk for burning so bright and fast it just might implode. It's important to see a person through all sorts of facets of life before playing house. You have to see if a person can be faithful over time, how they will care for you or not if you're sick, if they come to your aid when your car breaks down if you need their help, and if they support you through rough times. It sometimes takes time for skeletons to come out of the closet if there are any. You're only in the newness stage now where you're only scratching the surface of who she is. That's why you're so anxious. And if she's the one with the job and footing all the bills at the beginning, she might be all happy at the beginning with a fresh start, but if you can't get work as fast as she assumed, don't be surprised if resentment starts building. With more knowledge of why this is the path you both want to go down, maybe we can supply better advice. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 Is this causing any friction, besides the lack of privacy?Im cureently living with her, in her moms house. Link to comment
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