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Thread: moving with my girlfriend to another state.

  1. #1
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    moving with my girlfriend to another state.

    So, im moving with my girlfriend to another state. weve been dating for 5 months now. i feel like we get along good, We mesh well. Im cureently living with her, in her moms house.
    we decided to move across state. And i feel really scared, anxious and nervous. because of the unknown variables of what could happen (i.e. we break up, dont have a job ect). And I dont know if im ready, even tho i said i am to her. We currently got approved for an apartment to the state we are living too. But we havent signed the lease papers yet. so i am using this time to decide what i want to do. but im kinda torn what to do. any advice would be great.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    It's easy to "get along good" when you are living with a parent and you don't have to worry about utility bills, rent, etc.

    Why are you moving away? Are you moving because she got a great new job out of state?

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    i do pay rent, its not like im living there for free...
    the cost of living in my state is pretty high. so thats why were moving

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    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    honesty is always the best policy. i would make my concerns known amd talk out all the what ifs.

    If you're moving with someone to start a new life together, you have to start out being clear about all kinds things... finances (expenses, budgets, goals, shared accounts, splitting of bills, emergencies) household chores (who does what and when) shared decision making, expectations for the new place, new jobs, new friends.... plan b for unemployment, illness, shared assets (like cars, expensive toys)

    If you talk these things out and it sounds like your concerns are addressed, that should help you feel more confident. If it doesnt, maybe 5 months is too soon and you should not do it.

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    Thank you so much!

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you both like the area? Have you visited the area to check out the lifestyles, people, jobs, etc? Do you both have jobs lined up?

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    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pandaofspdez
    i do pay rent, its not like im living there for free...
    the cost of living in my state is pretty high. so thats why were moving
    What jobs do you two have lined up?

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Hey what if things don't work out even if you didn't move?....it really doesn't make a difference. things don't work out, they don't work out. Make sure you have an exit plan like socking away some money, move in with a buddy, etc. Just be sure not to co-mingle finances like credit cards, bank accounts, or large purchases like a car, TV, etc. 5 months isn't long enough to really know someone, so take your time in your decision.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    honesty is always the best policy. i would make my concerns known amd talk out all the what ifs.

    If you're moving with someone to start a new life together, you have to start out being clear about all kinds things... finances (expenses, budgets, goals, shared accounts, splitting of bills, emergencies) household chores (who does what and when) shared decision making, expectations for the new place, new jobs, new friends.... plan b for unemployment, illness, shared assets (like cars, expensive toys)

    If you talk these things out and it sounds like your concerns are addressed, that should help you feel more confident. If it doesnt, maybe 5 months is too soon and you should not do it.
    Have you discussed all of these things? Maybe they sound boring topics but they must be addressed before you move. How old are you two?

  11. #10
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    Who is going to sign the lease? You or her?
    Do you care about getting a bad credit record if you break it , donít make payments etc because that can affect you for life!

    If neither of you have a job to go to , it would be foolish to sign a lease and since unemployment rates are higher than they have ever been it would also be foolish to leave your current jobs.

    If you are adamant on moving you should rent a room in a shared house for 3 months and only if you can personally afford to pay those 3 months in advance and have enough funds to remain there 3 months if unemployed.

    Also while you are paying your gfs mother rent , is your gf also paying rent to her mother?

    Your concerns are valid ones and relationships only work if these things are discussed openly.
    The most contributing factor to couples splitting up is finances.

    Good luck!

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