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Thread: Passive Aggressive Boyfriend

  1. #1

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    Passive Aggressive Boyfriend

    Hey everyone.
    I have been seeing this guy on and off for the last three years. A lot has happened during that time. I find him hot and cold, we could be texting right now then in the next minute he starts with the one word answers... Tantrums sometimes, that I feel he doesn't listen. We broke up this past Easter and got back together two weeks ago. I told him if this is gonna work we'll have to forgive each other, coz then all this will be pointless. He agreed. So yesterday I noticed he'd started the one word answers, I decided to ask him what was wrong and he blatantly texted me back that I should have a good day. I haven't spoken to him since then coz I'm frustrated. Should I reach out or should I just leave this relationship behind me for good? I'm torn coz we really love each other.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why is it on/off? The best thing you can do is text much less and cease when the one-word answers come around. That means the convo is dragging on and getting boring/frustrating. Let someone miss you and initiate more.

    Try to improve communication modalities. Talk in person, mix it up when you can't speak in person. Phone, videochat, etc. it sounds like texting fatigue. Try not to drag out chitchat out of boredom. Do not argue over text. Stop cool off go do something and revisit it another time.
    Originally Posted by Ashley K
    I have been seeing this guy on and off for the last three years.
    we could be texting right now then in the next minute he starts with the one word answers.
    yesterday I noticed he'd started the one word answers, I decided to ask him what was wrong and he blatantly texted me back that I should have a good day.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Passive aggressiveness is a trait recognized in individuals who cannot communicate clearly about what's bothering them or have avoidant personalities or fear of conflict or fighting fair with another individual. Unfortunately resentment does build up over time and it spills over or is layered until a situation becomes hostile and antagonistic or completely neglectful.

    What have you both been through in the past that you may think he's passive aggressive?

    From the surface of things it appears he's fed up texting or using the phone to communicate.

    Do you know him to be a resentful or hostile person? I feel like you are afraid of this person and what is brewing underneath. It's not the one word answers that are the problem. It's the perceived or actual threat of aggression and hostility or resentment.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Not everyone is skillful when it comes to texting, emails, messages, voice mails, phone chats or electronic communication and correspondence. I've noticed some people are much more compatible in person.

    However, his tantrums are uncalled for and a red flag in his personality and character. Then again, do you consider his one word answers and his telling you to have a good day to be necessarily passive aggressive? Some people are very blunt, not adept at typing nor skillful at being considerate and respectful. In other words, a lot of people are perceived as rude and terse whenever they're blunt. Then when you meet them in person, they exhibit a completely different, nice demeanor.

    I have a few people in my life who aren't good at texting. They keep their texts extremely brief and they don't wish to bother corresponding back 'n forth. They don't want to be chained to their phones 24 / 7. They need a break.

    If your boyfriend is not the texting type and if you think he's rude with his texting style, he's not going to change for you. It's the way he is. Either accept the way he is or choose a guy who has more finesse and very good manners.

    I want to add: Beware of guys who are the opposite of your boyfriend. Charming guys are a pretentious, deceitful and manipulative lot. Be a good judge of character.

    Leave the relationship if his responses to you are indifferent and apathetic.

    Love doesn't conquer all problems. It's all about personality and character. If both of you don't agree on how to treat each other with mutual, HABITUAL, CONSISTENT respect and kindness, no amount of love will make a relationship work.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes, especially if he is having "tantrums", stop texting. Tell him you need to go, you'll talk later. it's that simple. Also reconsider a relationship with a poor communicator or anyone with a temper and especially On/Off.

    Here are the Red Flags to look out for:
    Originally Posted by Ashley K
    I have been seeing this guy on and off for the last three years.

    I find him hot and cold

    Tantrums sometimes, that I feel he doesn't listen.

    I decided to ask him what was wrong and he blatantly texted me back that I should have a good day

  7. #6
    Passive-aggressive people have to make someone else pay for what they are feeling without expressing. My advise to you is let this one go and be thankful you only invested 3 years.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Girl this why we date...to see how they are and how they treat us. He is who he is...so there is no point in sticking around. Most psychologists say to run the other way when you encounter a hot/cold personality. It's never going to change.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    What indication has he given you that he "really loves you"?

  10. #9
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ashley K
    Should I reach out or should I just leave this relationship behind me for good?
    Yes. Leave this behind you for good and this time mean it. No looking back. He has shown you his true character and he will NOT change. This is who he is and it's up to you to decide if you can live with this treatment for the rest of your life. I know I would dump him so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.

    btw, his behaviour is not something I would view as "loving you". It sounds more abusive (imo).

  11. #10
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    This is who he is. He has repeatedly shown you that it will not change. This dude does not love you and the behavior is crazy making.

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