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Thread: Dating Man for 1 Year

  1. #11
    Originally Posted by Lambert
    After a year you're still afraid of scaring him away?

    It sounds like you have forged forward with a luke warm guy, minimizing your needs, but telling yourself he is chasing you. but ultimately setting up a dynamic where you never really say what you actually want.

    Now a full year later, its a comfy yet unfulfilling relationship.

    He admits to being aguy with no game. And he is 57. So that's who he is. That will not change. So you will have to take the reigns. Don't say, I want to travel. You have to say I want us to travel. Figure out a trip and present it to him.

    I think you really sold yourself short to a guy that isnt a take charge guy. No offense to the take charge guys of the world or the along for the ride guys... they're just two different types of guys.

    If your used to compliments and special plans planned by your guy and want those things, why did you keep seeing a guy that is not those things?

    Its like buying bananas and then disappointed they aren't oranges. The most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves.
    Everything is getting all mixed up here!!!!!!! So HE plans everything and pays for everything the first 6 months (as stated in my original post) and you are asking me why I stayed with a man who doesn't plan things????? He is 55, I am 57 (not that it matter). He definitely can take charge, I have seen it. He does not try to dominate me and I am thankful for that. He does compliment it and I explained this.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Wow you make dating harder than it seems. To me it's about compatibility and how well you "click". If you are tormented with thoughts of "am I doing too much?" "He should be chasing me." "I'm afraid I might scare him off." doesn't some like much fun/enjoyment. Dating the right person should flow easily, without any doubts, have some intensity, romance, serenity, and thoughtfulness by both parties. Should never have to stand on your head for anything in fear of losing them...and stop reading that book. It's not helping you any.

  3. #13
    Do we match sexually? Oh my word, we are absolutely amazing together. I feel his energy and his interest and he feels mine, we were just talking about this the last time we were together. When it comes to this area we are both very compatible, we talk openly, we are both experimental and had marriages where our partner was not so we have expressed how good it feels to be with someone who we feel sexually compatible with. Other than sex we have been to concerts, played board games, went bowling, went to a baseball game, we both share a common interest in fitness and weight lifting, he actually likes travel and I have traveled a great deal overseas, we talk about world events and politics and share in those areas, we laugh all of the time together and he has told me he loves to hear me laugh, we have gone to comedy clubs and movies together, various restaurants and sometimes just out for dessert. We actually have done quite a bit together and I very much enjoy his company. I don't think that I have any walls up and I don't feel he does either. There is no stagnation here.

  4. #14
    I think it hit is right there....he is cautious and no he does not make promises that he can't keep. he also does not make plans and cancel. I have been able to count on him. I too am cautious. This August marks 4 years since my divorce (married 24 years), and he has been divorced for 2 1/2 years (after being married 15 years).

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    So how about letting go of your insecurity...what does it really get you?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok but how do you feel about this man and how would you like it to progress?
    Originally Posted by annette1962
    The books say to.......
    I have a girlfriend also who......
    I saw a man before this one.....

  8. #17
    Thank you for your insight!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annette1962
    Everything is getting all mixed up here!!!!!!! So HE plans everything and pays for everything the first 6 months (as stated in my original post) and you are asking me why I stayed with a man who doesn't plan things????? He is 55, I am 57 (not that it matter). He definitely can take charge, I have seen it. He does not try to dominate me and I am thankful for that. He does compliment it and I explained this.
    good luck.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    If after an entire year of getting naked and swapping bodily fluids - if merely asking him to travel with me would scare him off, I'd say I'm either in the wrong headspace or with the wrong man.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annette1962
    I think it hit is right there....he is cautious and no he does not make promises that he can't keep. he also does not make plans and cancel. I have been able to count on him. I too am cautious. This August marks 4 years since my divorce (married 24 years), and he has been divorced for 2 1/2 years (after being married 15 years).
    It sounds like you both get along just fine. Enjoy your time together and leave room for other plans.

    I agree with the others and also repeat my suggestion before: either ask him about the weekend getaway (if you want an answer for that specifically) or ask him in general if he has any plans for the summer and name x month to x month.

    For example, "I was looking at the rest of the summer coming up on my calendar and it looks like I'll be free on the weekends from July to August. Do you have any vacation plans or would you like to plan a weekend roadtrip or a vacation together for one or two nights?"

    See how he responds.

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