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Thread: Anyone Dating or has Dated a Mama's Boy?

  1. #21
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Did you get a job? Have you sought therapy?
    Yes, I have been working for 2 years now. I love my job, and I'm very happy there. All the years she called me a bum, I now am very successful. I bought my dream car, I will be a homeowner in 3 months, and I have mentally worked on myself and feel much better than before. She can try to put me down but I only came out stronger than ever before. She tells him that I think I am better than him. It's always something with her. I'll never be good enough for her.

  2. #22
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Btw I hope your bf is being treated for his bipolar with medication and therapy my father was completely non compliant and I had a horrendous childhood which caused me PTSD, anxiety and panic disorder.
    Yes, my boyfriend is now medicated and seeking treatment. He is much more stable now. She's the only problem right now.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLove30
    Yes, my boyfriend is now medicated and seeking treatment. He is much more stable now. She's the only problem right now.
    No, the fact that he takes her side over yours and the fact that you two felt you had to hide your relationship is the problem.

    She is not going to go away or stop being his mother.

    If you're determined to try to fix your own family issues through this relationship then there really is nothing else to say except be prepared for a lifetime of this.

  4. #24
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLove30
    Yes, my boyfriend is now medicated and seeking treatment. He is much more stable now. She's the only problem right now.
    That is good hopefully he keeps up with it . But if he is still supporting her view you wonít win. People seldom win against other peopleís parents. My in-laws will be 86 and 88. My FILís dementia is so bad he barely has the capacity to converse and has been in the hospital for a year now. My MIL, well, my husband takes her with a grain of salt because she never protected him as a kid and sold him up river for punishment to his dad. His sister is the Princess Royal. Thank Jesus we moved far away 10 years ago . So in essence now I win because their lives are done . But my husband has heard them say hateful things right to my face while he stood there and denied it happened. Now we have none of that anymore but only because they will buy the farm sometime soon. It was a hard hard life that drove my self esteem into the gutter and my anxiety through the roof like they did to my husband. He tried to commit suicide in his 30ís to get away from their BS.

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  6. #25
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    My fatherís parents were also horrible to me and my brother as they were to my mom because we were the kids of ď that b*tch. My in-laws have been mean to my son. My mother-in-law mocking my ethnicity while my son , her grandchild stood there and figured it out and said , ď Nanny, if you are saying that about my other Nana and my mom you are saying it about me too.Ē And she stood there like a dumb idiot she is with this díoh look on her face because she just figured out heís my ethnicity too.

  7. #26
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Would you please leave the font as the default and not change it to the gothic font... It's incredibly hard on the eyes and you may receive more responses if you stick to the default. I don't know about the others but I did have to hit reply with quote to read the system generated quote in order to read through all of what you wrote.

    Do you also mind me asking if you are going to therapy or getting some handle on your depression or receiving treatment?

    You are being judged (a bit crassly) for your lack of a job but that is besides the point. A person doesn't have to work or have a career to have an identity outside of their personal life. They can volunteer, help out in the community or have some goal or dream of something bigger. All the comments directed to you were because you were unemployed. His adoptive mother dislikes you because you don't appear to have an identity outside of their family.

    What do you do in your free time besides FB? You have spent a LOT of time with this other person's family and that can appear needy, clingy and there's not enough space between your boyfriend and you. Do you have an identity outside of your boyfriend? What are you doing with your life or would you have any plans for your own future outside of your boyfriend's family?

    What do you hope to achieve? Is it the wife status? To be a full time wife and mother? I'm trying to understand what your identity is separate from your relationship.

    Relationships are very tricky especially when it comes to working with other generations (younger and older).

    You have to stop living in your own world 24.7 and be able to see things from different perspectives. What is his adoptive mother fearful of? To me, she appears fearful of a woman who doesn't appear (from the outset) to have any direction in her own life. Don't take this in a bad day. This is why I'm asking what is it you're working on in your own life. It's important to develop your own sense of identity. No matter what she says or what others say YOU have a good grasp of what you are and what you are doing.

    If you want to do this right, I'm going to suggest something that may make heads roll but bear with me.

    Come at this from a different perspective: Apologize to her for the misunderstandings and ask her if she would like to meet with you. Let her understand that you want to understand what she's saying and what her concerns are.

    If you are still hurting and angry and depressed with the loss of your brother you will be defensive to criticisms from others. This is natural but this is also on you. Work through your depression. See a therapist or have a second opinion. Practice good habits.

    Eventually if you want to handle this like a mature adult you're going to have to bridge these divides and stop thinking of his family members as the enemy. She is not someone to tolerate. She can be your ally. You just have to see whether you can connect with her. Respect is earned also. You'll have to develop your sense of self a lot more or allow it to come to the surface.

    Sorry about that. I have a hard time reading smaller font, it bothers my eyes. The reason I was at their house every day is because he wanted me to be. He would call me numerous times a day and tell me to go over there and hang out with his mom. So I did. She knew that he was the one sending me over there all the time. I wanted to spend time with him alone but anytime we would she would throw a fit or he would invite her with and buy her the same shoes as he buys me, or take her out to the same restaurants he'd take me to. I do not spend a lot of time on Facebook. I work too much but back when I didn't work, I did have a lot of time on my hands. I was working out, flipping cars on the side (Selling and buying cars off craigslist and flipping them for profit) to keep some sort of money in my pocket and that's how I was able to own a car as well, I'd feed the homeless every weekend, I was an advocate for people suffering from depression. It helped me to help them.

    I spent majority of my time after that raising funds to help pay for my brother's cancer treatments. Knocking door to door, go fund me accounts, posting fundraisers all over Facebook until I was able to raise $20,000 to pay for his treatments but he passed away after only 2 chemo sessions. I tried to give the money back to everyone because that's what he wanted me to do but none of them would take it back. I handed the money out to people in need and I didn't keep one penny to myself. My boyfriends house he was living at with his roommates at one point burned down. His roommates treated me horribly, but I still created a go fund me account for them. I raised $6,0000 for them to split amongst them.


    Anyways, right now I do work. I have for the last 2 years. I've become successful. I'll be a homeowner in 3 months, I bought my dream car, I continue to care for the homeless, I take care of my parents, I'm a hard worker (Pharmacy/Worker's Compensation). I didn't allow her to put me down. I showed her and everyone who doubted me that depression is real but I will be stronger than I ever was and get out of it somehow. I still struggle with it but not as severe as before. Now everyone who has talked down to me asks me for help. Crazy how that works.

    I met my boyfriend when I was 24. I was very young minded, I had no ambition in life. I didn't know what I wanted to do in life. What I want now is very different than what I wanted before. My thought process is different. I'm where I want to be in life and I still want to reach even higher and accomplish more challenges like own my own restaurant and auto shop. Cars are my passion and that has also helped with my depression too. I work on my car to get away from stress. I do have an identity aside from them. I have accomplished a lot and overcome battles I didn't think I could handle but I'm ready to accomplish more.

    I have reached out to her to talk years back when she pulled her little stunts on me. I thought we finally understood each other but she went back to playing her little games trying to break us up. I have no issues doing it again because I know he loves his mom and I cannot take that away from him but I know how it will go. If I don't sit there and take blame for everything, she won't like me. If I take blame, she won't like me. If I buy her a Mercedes, she won't like me. Not that I would, I'm just saying nothing works with her. She will always find ways to try to get me away from him. She's done it to his past relationships. She even told her other son that his kid isn't his, he hasn't seen his kid for 2 years and it is his kid. She has 3 sons including my boyfriend. All 3 are between the ages of 38 and 45. They do not have girlfriends, and they have never ever lived on their own. They work hard to take care of her while she makes everyone's life miserable. Her other son was about to buy a house for him and his ex gf, his mom got jealous and made him break up with her. It's so sad.

  8. #27
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    That is good hopefully he keeps up with it . But if he is still supporting her view you wonít win. People seldom win against other peopleís parents. My in-laws will be 86 and 88. My FILís dementia is so bad he barely has the capacity to converse and has been in the hospital for a year now. My MIL, well, my husband takes her with a grain of salt because she never protected him as a kid and sold him up river for punishment to his dad. His sister is the Princess Royal. Thank Jesus we moved far away 10 years ago . So in essence now I win because their lives are done . But my husband has heard them say hateful things right to my face while he stood there and denied it happened. Now we have none of that anymore but only because they will buy the farm sometime soon. It was a hard hard life that drove my self esteem into the gutter and my anxiety through the roof like they did to my husband. He tried to commit suicide in his 30ís to get away from their BS.
    Omg that is terrible. I don't understand why parents can be so toxic. They should want the best for their children. Not set them up for failure in life. I feel parents like that want their children to live in the same misery they did growing up from their own parents. I'm glad you two are a lot better now but your situation proves to me that the issue really is toxic parents. I know for a fact if his mom wasn't in the picture, we would have an amazing relationship. All of my ex's parents have never had issues with me. They loved me. I'm a super nice person but I got tired of her walking all over me. With them calling me weak and having no backbone, I said ok I'm going to show you I'm not weak. Now suddenly I'm the bad person. Then again, I always will be in their eyes.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. Does your bf want to move in with you? If he does, it still will not sever their relationship.
    Originally Posted by SarahLove30
    I have been working for 2 years now. I love my job, and I'm very happy there. I bought my dream car, I will be a homeowner in 3 months, a

  10. #29
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    My fatherís parents were also horrible to me and my brother as they were to my mom because we were the kids of ď that b*tch. My in-laws have been mean to my son. My mother-in-law mocking my ethnicity while my son , her grandchild stood there and figured it out and said , ď Nanny, if you are saying that about my other Nana and my mom you are saying it about me too.Ē And she stood there like a dumb idiot she is with this díoh look on her face because she just figured out heís my ethnicity too.
    If I ever have kids with him, I will make sure that she never gets to see my kids ever. I don't care how rude that sounds. I will never allow her to come near them just to brain wash them and ruin their lives like she did her own sons and her grandchildren. Omg her grandchildren are so mentally damaged from her but they still love her obviously. They have lied for her at the age of 13. She has taught them to be just like her. But deep down they know she's wrong. My boyfriend told me the other day that his 15 year old niece told his mom "Why don't you go save him from his girlfriend?!" And started laughing. They know she's twisted. I mean if a 15 year old sees it, that's sad!

  11. #30
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Excellent. Does your bf want to move in with you? If he does, it still will not sever their relationship.
    He will be at my place often at first. I'm sure at some point he will move in but I think it's best we really sort out our differences and get things down packed before we make a huge decision like that. Yes, I'm sure their relationship will still remain the same. As someone said above, I cannot change that. I either accept this for what it is or I leave. There's really no other option. However, I love him and I am open to working it out even if that means I have to make her think I am to blame for everything. Which is quite sad but hey.

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